7/28

Really hot again. 99 was the high. I went online and looked at the 10-day forecast, which was not encouraging at all. It’s supposed to hover between 98-101 for at least another week, then possibly cool down to a balmy 95. Oh brother. After work, shower and flute (which made me hot all over again, from the effort….I scrounged in the garage and found a little fan that I blew right on me while I played…helped a little).

Saw Headcase today, and once again (what is this, like, the 10th time already???) told what happened at the mall on Sunday. She was concerned for me, as I expected. What I didn’t expect was the hard glint of anger I caught in her eyes. Oh, she quickly took a deep breath and hid it under that calm and professional exterior that she keeps for her patients, but I know what I saw (I’m surprised there was no steam coming out of her ears from the effort to control it! hmmmm). We talked about Heather a little, and she gave me one of her business cards, telling me that if I felt comfortable doing so, to give it to Heather. I’m not sure…just another thing I would have to have an explanation for…why I happen to have a business card to a shrink. Yeah, that’s an easy one. You know, I don’t want to become a liar, but skirting around the truth is tiring. I think a flat-out lie would be so much easier! (no, I’m not going to do that….Miss Perfect would not be able to live with herself….this is what I’ve decided to call that stupid conscience of mine….she’s a pain).

I told Headcase that I would really like to start working on that wall she was describing. She said it was a type of self-hypnosis, and she thought I could get proficient at it with practice. We tried a couple of relaxation exercises that I can practice at home to first get in touch with my own mind, so that I can learn to close it to other minds. It sounds iffy to me, but hey, after this last fun little encounter, I’m willing to try almost anything. She said in the meantime, I should try reciting something or singing lyrics in my head and practice with Sophie to see if that will help. That ought to be fun!

Okay, Mom just yelled up the stairs for me to come do the dinner dishes…gotta go!

Sleigh bells ring, are you listening?
In the lane, snow is glistening.

7/27

I got hardly any sleep….every time I closed my eyes, my brain went right to JF’s brain again. Ugh. Mom and Dad were willing to let me stay home today, but I did NOT want to sit around and think. I took my MP3 player and cranked it up while mowing, so I had to concentrate on that. It did help me to block out the thoughts for most of the day.

When we got home, I told Mom and Dad the whole thing and I didn’t leave anything out, though I was really tempted to, just to keep them from worrying about me so much. But I decided why should I feel so alone with this? They’re the grown-ups, they want to protect ME, so I should be honest with them. Maybe that was a mistake…Dad got so mad that I thought he was going to grab a shotgun and go after the man. I quickly reminded him that nothing physically happened to me (although inside I wasn’t so sure it was a bad idea), and it took some talking but he calmed down. He said he’s not sure how he will keep from throttling JF the next time he is in the same room with him, but hopefully none of us will see him for a long time.

I called Sophie and we talked for awhile. I hated to have to tell it all over again, but she IS my bestie, and I knew she would understand and make me feel better. Her anger and uninhibited threats and imaginative ideas on what we should do to him (she had a bunch of ideas….dwelling on revenge much?….like boiling in oil or having his legs waxed!) did make me feel loads better, and she even had me laughing toward the end of the call. We decided to try to get Heather to go to the lake with us later this week (where we can gang up on her….but how do I convince her to talk to her mother without telling her HOW I know what a sicko he is?).

I’ll think about all that later. I’m so tired since I didn’t sleep well last night, I’m going to bed. Please, Lord, no dreams about that nut-case.

7/26 (more)

Yeah, I left off…Mom came up to my room to see how I was doing. I felt like yelling, “HOW DO YOU THINK I’M DOING?? I WAS IMMERSED IN THE MIND OF A FREAK!!” But I didn’t yell at her. I let her fuss over me and hug me (and almost mask her worried thoughts behind “happy” little thoughts of puppies and rainbows). She’s really half afraid that the sicko thoughts I see in people will make me a total hermit or a bag lady or in an insane asylum or something. How can I reassure her about that? Who knows?

Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, screaming my lungs out. I hope the next time I have a little more self-control….I’m not a baby for goodness sake. But it did make Jerry Fowler let go of my arm with an utterly stunned look on his face. And what do you think happened next? Dad rushes in and tackles him! I mean, flat out, knock over a couple of merchandise racks, take him DOWN tackle. I was impressed…although for a second I thought, “Where did he come from?” —He told me later that he had been watching us from the upper level and when he saw JF go into the shop after Heather left it, he called mall security and the police…..yes, he overreacted just a smidge. He hadn’t expected JF to approach me (and if Heather and I had stayed together, he probably wouldn’t have tried it).— And just a few seconds behind him were a couple of mall security guys, who kind of pulled Dad off JF and held them both until they heard what was going on. It was total chaos for a few minutes, and a small crowd started gathering outside the store, trying to see what was happening. Mom and Heather rushed in a few seconds after the security guys, and everyone was talking at once, and I really felt like yelling, “Everyone shut up and get a grip!”

Instead, I took a couple of deep breaths, and just kept saying over and over (till it sunk in for somebody!), “Everything is okay, it was a mistake, I’m fine, nothing happened.” One of the security guys took JF out of the store and sat him on a bench (but not before JF looked back at me and gave a weird little smirk), and questioned him while they waited on the police to show up. The other guy (very cute…. although I barely noticed in my state of post-stress and embarrassment) calmed Mom and Dad down and wrote down what I said happened after asking me some questions. Heather stood to one side and kept biting her nails (it didn’t take any mind-reading to see she was upset and embarrassed too). I tried to totally push the thoughts from JF to the very deep dark back of my mind and not let them keep flashing in still shots…it wasn’t easy. And explaining why I got so upset and screamed wasn’t too easy either. My parents were watching me and Mom kept a hand on my shoulder for moral support. I just said that he was acting kind of crazy and that he grabbed me and it scared me, with his violent history….which was completely and totally true. It’s hard to explain things convincingly when you have to leave out important details. And it makes me feel icky. Dad touched my arm and sent “you’re doing great” and “everything will be okay” thoughts in my direction, which did help calm me down a little more.

Anyway, I had to tell it all again when the police came, and they decided to take JF down to the station to question him more there. Technically he violated the restraining order, because he was too close to Heather in the other shop, but they didn’t seem very concerned about that. They kept us there for almost an hour telling and retelling what happened, and by the time we dropped Heather off at home and got home ourselves, I was spent. I’ve just been laying on my bed trying not to think about anything at all, but that doesn’t seem to work so here I sit rehashing it AGAIN.

That guy scares me. I sure hope they lock him up. Heather and I need to have a talk about this….I have a feeling she needs to level with her mom about JF. I couldn’t tell if he’s ever actually done anything to her, but he sure wants to, and he has probably let her know that not so subtly. At the very least I’ll bet she’s terrified of him. I’ll have to tell my parents about it soon too….I put them off tonight and they let me, but I know they’re going to want answers very soon. I’m going to bed…I hope I sleep….and don’t dream.

7/26

Today was bad, as in mind-reading bad. You know when you get something really icky on your hands and you scrub and scrub to get it off? I sooooooooooooo wish I could do that with my mind, particularly my memory. Some of these thoughts I see and hear are so gross, and my mind can’t un-hear them, un-see them, and sometimes it takes a long time to forget them. And Headcase insists it’s a gift. Yeah, right. She’s definitely going to hear about this.

It started after church. Heather and her mom were headed toward their car, which was parked on the street right in front of the church building. They’ve been so nervous that they got there early just so they could find a spot closest to the front doors. Sophie had already left with her family, but I was watching them go (so were several of the men, just keeping an eye on them), when they suddenly stopped in unison, turned around and headed back toward us. I looked around and spotted Jerry Fowler down about ½ a block and across the street. Two of the men saw him too, and started walking quickly his way (I’m sure they were just going to ask him politely to go away and leave Heather’s mom alone….these ARE church people!). When JF saw them coming, he took off running down the street….he must have left his car somewhere out of sight. The two men ran a short way to make sure he was really leaving, then came back. There was a tight bunch of us, including my parents, that stood around for a short time, with the adults trying to decided what, if anything, they should/could do about it. My dad called and talked to his friend from the police department, who told him the same thing that the police had told Heather’s mom. If he’s far enough away and doesn’t try to approach her or talk to her, then he’s not breaking any law and they can’t do anything to him. There’s no law against standing on the street, even if it happens to be wherever she is.

After more discussion, the men decided to take volunteers to drive by her house several times a day on a schedule to keep an eye on things and hopefully make JF nervous enough to leave her alone. The women said they could take turns showing up for unannounced visits when she’s home from work in the evenings (it would be better if these are more random so there’s no pattern he can get around), and stay just long enough to have a cup of coffee or something. The McMillan family volunteered to organize the whole thing and said they’d send out an email to ask for help. I think it made Heather and her mom feel a little better, just knowing people will be watching out for them. Heather whispered to me that her real dad has even offered to sleep on their couch several nights a week, but her mom has been resisting that. She thinks it’s too much of an imposition on him (I’ll bet she changes her mind about that). Everyone agreed that they’ll just keep it up until his trial, then hopefully he’ll go to jail for a while and everything will go back to normal.

When the cluster of people was starting to break up and head home, I checked with Mom then I asked Heather if she wanted to come home with me for the afternoon. At first she said no, but when I touched her arm I knew she wanted to do anything besides go home today, so I pushed a little harder and she asked her mom. Her mom smiled in my direction and nodded that it was okay, so we left and stopped by their house on the way home while Heather ran in and got some non-church clothes.

We made sandwiches for lunch, and hung out in my room for a while listening to Pandora Radio, then I asked Heather if she wanted to hang out at the mall for a while. I bribed her with the promise of Baskin-Robbins. I went to ask Mom if it was okay, and I could tell right away that she was really nervous about us going there by ourselves, with what had happened after church. She said that she has been wanting to check out some of the summer sales, so she’d take us (but not hang out with us) and bring us back in a few hours. I thought that was a little silly, but I didn’t have much choice…it was either have Mom tag along or stay home. Heather didn’t have a problem with it at all (I knew it was because she’s so nervous, the more the better). Dad ended up going too (Dad wanting to walk around the mall with Mom instead of dozing in front of a baseball game….nooooo, that’s not fishy at all), but as soon as we got to the mall, I ditched the parental units.

Heather and I walked the length of the mall and back on the upper level, and I didn’t catch a single glimpse of her stepdad. We got an ice cream and sat on a bench eating them slowly and chatting about nothing, then I suggested we go in the accessories store right below us on the ground level. While we were headed down the escalator, I did see Dad leaning on the rail above us with his arms crossed, but he was facing away from us, probably waiting outside a shop for Mom (if it’s lingerie, he won’t even step foot in the store…what a male, right?).

Once we were inside the bangles shop, we looked at the earrings (not having pierced ears yet because Mom hasn’t let me is totally poopy), and hair clips. Heather said she wanted to check out Hot Topic which was 2 doors down, and I said okay, I’d be there in a minute. I couldn’t quite make up my mind between two sets of barrettes. I was concentrating on the rack in front of me, when I suddenly felt like someone was watching me. I looked around and there was Jerry Fowler heading toward me from the front of the store. I have no idea how long he had been following us or how he even knew Heather was with me, but there he was coming right at me with an intently determined look on his face. Why me? Why not approach Heather? Duh, there’s probably a restraining order with her too. I looked around to figure out how to get around him without talking to him, but you know how small those accessory shops are. There was pretty much no getting around him.

JF: Could I talk to you for minute…Carly, isn’t it? (he puts out his hand tentatively in a kind of, you know, questioning gesture, palm up)
Me: (starting to scoot around the circular rack I was looking at, wondering how to easily get around him) Yes, it’s Carly. What do you want to talk to me about?
JF: (edging closer and talking rapidly) I remember how concerned you were when Heather was missing, and I see that you are a good friend of hers. I was wondering if you would pass along a message to her, for me.
Me: (trying to keep distance, and the racks, between us) I don’t think so, Mr. Fowler. I don’t think Heather wants to hear from you.
JF: (continuing to move forward and closing the gap between us…small smile but with a hard glint in his eyes) Oh, I think she does. I know she wants us to be a family again, she’s just afraid to say so with her mother so mad at me, and (hastily with palm out in a “stop” gesture) I don’t blame her for that! She loves her mother and doesn’t want to upset her.
Me: (my heart is beating harder and I just want to get out of there without him touching me) Heather and her mom really don’t want to have anything to do with you. Why don’t you just accept that and leave them alone? (maybe if I keep talking I can get around him and back up enough to turn and run out of the store…I keep edging sideways)
JF: Now see, Carly, that’s where you’re wrong. Once Heather’s mom forgives me again and takes me back, everything will be back to normal. (once again he ooches forward and I can tell he’s closing the gap between us…my heart-pounds go up another notch)
Me: (torn between keeping an eye on Mr. Fowler and trying to find another person in the store….you might know it’s completely empty at the moment, even the salespeople are in the back or something…I was only half listening to his rant, but suddenly I zero in on what he’s saying) What do you mean, again?
JF: (with a knowing look) Do you think this is the first time Mrs. Fowler and I have had a little tiff? No, no, she’s left me a couple of times before, but she always takes me back. I admit that things got out of hand this time, but she’ll come around. She’ll forgive me, she always does, and then we’ll be a happy family again. That’s what I want you to tell Heather. I want you to tell her not to worry, that she’ll be with me again, and I’ll take care of her, just like I was before. I’ll be her daddy again.
Me: Heather has a father, and it’s not you. And it won’t be you, ever. (I’m starting to panic, so afraid he’s going to grab me….he’s almost within arm’s reach)
JF: It’s okay, Carly. You don’t need to be scared of me, I’m not going to hurt you. And I’m not going to hurt Heather either, when we’re back together as a family. I’m going to take good care of her. (tone turns to sneering) Her so-called father was never there for them. He’s completely self-involved and doesn’t care about anybody but himself. I have been there every day, and I still am. I’m still watching out for both of them. I won’t let anyone hurt them or take them away from me (the look in his eye seems more crazed than at first, or is it just me??).

Right then I decided I had heard more than enough, and hoping I was close enough to the front opening, I turned to run….but he was closer and quicker than I thought. He grabbed my arm in a firm grip…

Oh no you don’t…..we’re not done till I say we’re done….you’re pretty cute for such a scrawny little thing….almost like a little girl….that’s okay….that’s just fine….come visit Heather any time you want….Heather’s almost too old for my liking anyway….Carolyn will have to tow the line….it’s her own fault I hit her….if she would just do what I say, everything would be perfect….I’ll take care of her as soon as I get her back….she’ll do what I say….and so will Heather….just what I say.

There were pictures in there of what he planned to do to them (and me) to go along with this stream of thoughts (and although it only took 5 seconds at most, it was all very clear and detailed…..he had been developing these fantasies for quite a while), and to my surprise, I did just what I did when I was pre-schooler confronted with a total pervert. I opened my mouth and screamed bloody murder.

7/21

Thermometer hovering around 101 again today. My brain feels fried (so glad I don’t live somewhere like Arizona!!!!!!). Cool shower, iced tea, standing over an air conditioning vent for a solid 15 minutes helped some.

Headcase appointment today. I shared my worries about marching band (and high school in general) and reading people when I need to be concentrating on something else, so we talked about that. We made a list together of ways to avoid or block out unwanted thoughts, like long sleeves (obviously, but I can hardly wear overalls and a plaid shirt to band camp, when everyone else is wearing shorts and tank tops), or singing a song in my head (again, difficult….unless I concentrate really hard on the song we’re playing at the time). She said at school I could recite something complex in my head, like a math problem or theorem or something. We also talked about “walling off” that part of my brain, picturing a big brick wall in there where the thoughts can’t get through. I have NO idea how to do that or if it would even work. Sometimes I really wish I knew someone else who is like me, especially an adult….I need a mentor! But it made me feel just a little bit better that there’s some things I can at least try. Maybe I’ll practice on my family or Sophie!

Well, if I’m going to have to try out for varsity, I’d better start practicing every day again. Of course, I could blow it “accidentally”, but I just couldn’t do that. I may not like the attention, but I’m a little too competitive to sound bad on purpose. I’ll do my best and see what happens. I’m probably not good enough anyway. Most years, only about 10 or so freshman make varsity, sometimes less (part of that depends on what instruments they need to fill and which ones they already have too many of…maybe there’s tons of flutes!). So I’m sure I have nothing to worry about!

7/22

16 days until my birthday, then I won’t be barely a teenager, but a solid one. Mom and Dad said I could have a “mixed” party if I want with up to 20 friends, either here or at the lake. I need to talk to Sophie, my Social Director, about that. That doesn’t sound too fabulous to me, but I know she’ll be super-excited about it. Maybe we could keep it small. I would even like a sleepover again, with just girls. There’s just a lot less pressure without guys there….at least for me.

In case you’re wondering, I continue to think about Gray a lot, wondering what he’s doing and if he’s thinking of me (I’m NOT thinking about Cooper, not at all…….well, not much).

7/23

Things to do:
Talk to Sophie about birthday party
Practice the flute
Finish Mockingjay, so I can return it to library
Not think about Gray
Not think about Cooper even more

7/24

Payday! I love payday! Payday is the best day! I’m beginning to be seriously loaded! Even after the money I spent on clothes, I still have lots! Of course, it helps not to have anything to spend money on besides that, like bills. I was the big spender tonight and ordered pizza for the fam (Matt was at work, but I ordered enough so there would be leftovers for him). The funniest part was that I ordered from the pizza parlor where he works, so HE was the delivery guy! HA! He was totally impressed that I paid with my own money (and gave a generous tip, if I say so myself). Did I mention I love payday??? (two weeks till my birthday)

7/25

Sophie and I went to the lake today, and Jon was NOT there (for a change). Those two have been practically attached at the hip for the last several weeks, so it was nice to have her to myself for once (jealous much? Just a little). I was only slightly disappointed that Heather and Tessa were there too (cuz you don’t feel like you can just ignore your friends). Heather was acting all jittery, and Tessa told us it was because she and her mom have seen Jerry Fowler “lurking” in different places at least a couple of times a week. He’s obviously following them, and Heather said she saw him taking pictures once. They have told the police that he’s scaring them, but he always stays far enough away that he doesn’t get in trouble, and he’s pretty sneaky about it too…as long as he’s not actually coming close to Heather’s mom there’s not much they can do. His trial for battery is set for some time in the fall, and Heather is hoping he’ll get jail time, but until then they don’t know what to do to make him stay away. He’s also been calling and hanging up, and he sent Heather’s mom some “anonymous” flowers and emails begging her to take him back. Heather wants to stay with her dad, but she’s afraid to leave her mom alone in their house. She thinks he’s less likely to come over if she’s there. I hope she’s right.

Cooper wasn’t in the snack bar today, but I was only a little curious about where he was. I bought some Corn-nuts, and casually asked his dad (I think it was his dad) where he was. He smiled in this parental “knowing” way (which totally made me blush), and said that Cooper was dirt-biking for the day with friends…..hmmm. He asked if I wanted him to tell Cooper “hi” and before I thought about it, I said “sure”. Then I hurried off before I could embarrass myself any more (that would be hard to do!). That’s what happens when I give into my curiosity…..it never ends well. The good news is that I’m pretty sure Cooper’s dad doesn’t know my name, since we’ve never been introduced. There’s probably plenty of girls who would say “hi” so maybe Cooper won’t know who it was. Or better yet, maybe his dad will totally forget to tell him!

Okay, that’s the end of the Saturday saga….now to go practice the flute some more.

Due to circumstances partially within my control, I will not be posting a Carly segment today. Look for a new one on Wednesday. The title of today’s post suggests that I’m not a mindreader myself. This is a good point. It would be really nice to get some feedback occasionally on Carly’s journal. Do you like it, do you not? Do you like Carly? How do you feel about her friends? You give me this feedback in that little spot called “comments”. That would be wonderful, thank you. Happy Halloween, friends!

7/19

Church. Lunch. Flute. Book. Monopoly with family (I NEVER win at this game…Dad and Matt get vicious). Nothing from Gray. Sigh.

7/20

Another Monday…..not even a “manic Monday”. 102 today. Thought I was seriously going to die. I’ll bet I drank at least a gallon of water. Sophie and I went to the lake just to cool off in the water (which felt like taking a bath), but it was so crowded with moms and little kids that we only stayed about half an hour. Just too much splashing and noise. We came back here and watched “27 Dresses”, and Sophie stayed for dinner.

That was interesting…not. We got into a discussion about school and band. Sophie was telling my parents how excited she is for marching band to start, and being nervous about trying out for varsity band, which led to them questioning me about that little detail, which I had been withholding from them. I made it clear that I wasn’t planning to try out for varsity, and they made it clear that I was. Ugh! Sometimes Sophie has a really big mouth.

Here’s the deal. All band members have to do marching band practice (which starts up right after my birthday, the second week in August). It includes conditioning, marching, playing, then marching and playing at the same time. It’s four hours a day for four weeks until school starts, then one hour before school and three hours after school for the varsity band until football season (and marching competition) is over. During the preseason work-outs, everyone gets used to marching and playing and does the exercises for strength and stamina, because eventually they’ll be in marching band and the transition is easier if you’ve already been doing it with everyone else (also, if the director needs a sub on an instrument for some reason he has people to choose from who are not totally clueless). During that time everyone has the opportunity to try out for varsity if they want to. If you don’t try out or you don’t make the cut, you’re automatically either in freshman band (which is mostly for the freshman who just don’t practice or beginners) or JV (everybody else who’s not good enough… or don’t want to try out…for varsity). Seniors are automatically in varsity no matter what.

Now there’s a reason I don’t want to try out for varsity (okay, there’s more than one). Our high school is not that big….somewhere in the middle….with around 2000 students (there are three high schools in our area). But it is a HUGE “arts” school. Visual and performing arts: drawing, painting, ceramics, screen printing, sculpture, photography, drama, choir (and show choir….like “Glee”), journalism (school Zine and webcast), AND band are all big. Kids request transfers to our school all the time to get a more “in depth” education in those areas with excellent teachers. There is a long waiting list to get into our high school. Our varsity band marches around 150-175, depending on how much talent there is at the time. Kids fight to get each and every spot. It’s very competitive. I AM NOT. Not only am I not competitive, I’m shy. And as we know, I’m shy for a very good reason. I’m probably going to barely make it through marching camp as it is….there’s lots of brushing up against people, at least that’s the way it looks to me! How am I going to concentrate on my marching with all those conflicting thoughts invading? Eeeek!

I did make a half-hearted attempt to reason with my parents (knowing it would do no good whatsoever), but they said since I have to do the practice anyway, I might as well try out, and that I have nothing to lose. They have this thing about going all out, and doing your best, and putting yourself out there. Pushy parents.

I am seriously going to murder Sophie.

7/12

After church today, a bunch of families went out to lunch at Golden Corral, to take Heather’s mom out for her birthday. When she saw how many people were there (probably 50 if you include little kids), she started bawling….then that made a bunch of the ladies cry too….a total faucet fest (I guess I got a tiny bit teary too, but I didn’t need a kleenex or anything). Anyway, she got a bunch of cards and a pretty bouquet of flowers. Heather, Sophie, and I sat as far from the parents as possible (natch’).

After lunch, the three of us went to the mall and found some amaaaaaaaaaazing deals. I got several skirts, shirts, jeans, and found the cutest pair of boots! AND we found this big sale on flipflops, and we each bought 2 or 3 pairs. I got a hot pink pair with purple polka dots on them…..suh-weet! I even bought a new pale blue swimsuit….still a one-piece, but it didn’t look like a 10-year-old.

I was hoping for an email from Gray (yes, I thought about it all day), but nothing. It’s almost bedtime, so I guess I won’t be getting one this week. Crud.

7/13

Mowing………..mowing………………..mowing. I must have THE most boring job in the world. At least I’m not allergic to grass, right? Hey, I’m TRYING to be more positive. Get a life. Wish I could.

7/14

Nothing. Saw Headcase….blah, blah, blahdy-blah.

7/15

Again, nothing. Went to Bible study tonight, and talked about the Israelites wandering in the wilderness for 40 years. Their lives were about as exciting as mine.

7/16

Got an email from Jon today, and he apologized for causing the trouble between Gray and me. I wrote him back and accepted his apology, and told him I know he was just trying to protect Gray, and that I hope he’s still friends with Cooper.

7/17

Went to the lake after work today with Sophie and Jon. Cooper’s dad let him take a break and he went swimming with us for a while. I still don’t know how to act around him, but he’s cut back on the flirting and that helps (although he’s still very silly….and keeps us laughing). Sophie and I sat on the dock while the two of them acted like guys and showed off, doing flips off the dock and wrestling around and stuff.

When I got home, I had a strong urge to write Gray again, but I resisted. I’m NOT going to chase after him, I’m just not. I’ll just wait and see, but that is sooooooooo hard.

7/18

Hung out at the lake again today. No, it wasn’t to be around Cooper! I just didn’t have anything better to do (who am I kidding….it’s really difficult to stay away from a guy who is super-hot and keeps flirting with me….maybe I should get a new hobby). Heather and Tessa were there, so we sat in the shade together and just snacked and read books and talked about nothing in particular. I have been feeling like Tessa is becoming a real friend. That’s cool.

When Cooper had a break from the snack bar, he came over and flopped himself down next to us, and asked what we were up to. He was being all cute and flirty with all three of us, which I kind of liked because he wasn’t singling me out. That would have been way embarrassing, and I don’t want people associating us, like a couple or anything (do I?). Anyway, once I stretched out and put my arms behind my head and my elbow briefly touched Heather’s knee, and Wham-o! She flashed some interesting thoughts ……he is soooo cute…..why is he over here……his hair is adorable….and those brown eyes…..I could just lose myself in them…..get a grip, Heather……he doesn’t even know your name…. Oh man! Heather Jackson is crushing on Cooper Calloway!

This set off a chain reaction of thoughts in me…..Heather likes Cooper…..does he think she’s cute……am I jealous (yes, a little)…….should I try to get them together……I don’t know if I want to do that…..do I want him for myself (possibly)…..oh man.

Luckily for my straying thoughts, Cooper couldn’t stay long (since it was a busy Saturday), and Heather is really good at hiding her feelings. Other than her cheeks being a little pinker than normal, I wouldn’t have known how she feels if I hadn’t had first-hand knowledge. She’s probably had a lot of practice not showing her emotions around her nutcase stepdad. Tessa was very quiet during the whole “incident”, which makes me believe she knows how Heather feels too. I mean, she IS Heather’s BFF, so I’m sure Heather told her.

I thought back to when she might have seen him first, and I decided it must have been that Saturday we all played volleyball together (right after I met him too). I tried to picture the game, and I’m sure she was on my team, so she would have seen him being all cute and fun that day. He definitely becomes the center of attention wherever he is (he doesn’t seem to do it on purpose, that’s just his personality I think)! Yep, that had to be the start of it. I wonder if she saw him sitting with me at the fireworks on the 4th. Since her thoughts didn’t include me, at least not that short part I heard, I doubt that she’s seen us together. And Sophie didn’t mention him at the party last week either (other than when we were listing hot guys we know…and Jon and Gray were on that list too!!). Oh, well, no need to fret about it, Carly! If he starts to like Heather, that’s just one less complication I have to worry about, right? So how come I don’t really like the sound of that?

7/9

Just another work day. Nothing special, hot and sweaty. Tomorrow is payday though, so that’s something to look forward to. Sophie asked if I want to sleep over tomorrow night, and I said sure, why not. Absolutely nothing else going on in my life (I didn’t actually say that last part).

7/10

Work, work, work, slave and sweat. Got a paycheck and Mom took me to deposit it. My savings account is looking pretty nice! And now I have a couple of hundred dollars to spend on clothes, PLUS the sales are starting. Sophie and I will have to try the mall again next week! Anyway, I’m headed over to Sophie’s….I’ll write about it tomorrow.

7/11

I was totally and completely shocked when I got to Sophie’s and she had invited Sammie, Kelly, Heather, Tessa, Jennifer, and Megan to the sleepover too. And what was the theme of this little party? Why, Carly’s First Period of course. I could have killed Sophie right on the spot, if there hadn’t been so many witnesses. Okay, I’ll admit (again) Sophie gives a great party, and it was super fun….I just hate being the center of attention! Once I got over the initial shock (and realized this was what she was thinking about at the lake that she wouldn’t share!), I had a great time.

She made a big banner that said, “Carly is a woman now!” Almost all the food was red, like read velvet cake with red frosting, red jell-o jigglers, red licorice, spaghetti with lots of red sauce, red punch. And big bowls of chocolate. Lots of chocolate. We practically made ourselves sick on chocolate. We played “tampon basketball”  (Jennifer won that since she plays basketball!), “pin the chocolate on the woman’s mouth (so silly, and Tessa won that one) and we had this game where we passed around a pad and had to come up with creative ways to use it….someone said to make a bow out of it, someone else said use it as a sponge to wipe up big spills, or use it as sleep mask to block out the light, and I said polish my flute with it (can you believe that Sophie actually googled “period party” and found these ideas on the internet?? you can find anything on the net). By the end of that game we were all rolling around on the floor!

The girls took turns telling their most embarrassing moment (so far) starting their periods, and I found out that Megan and Kelly haven’t even started yet (so I wasn’t the most embarrassed person there…..not even). I did tell about thinking I was sick and the look on Dad’s face when we both realized what was going on. They got a big laugh out of it (I may have made it sound a little more dramatic than it really was… hey, I can get into the spirit of the thing).

The last thing we did was watch “Juno” (while we painted our nails bright red), so we wouldn’t forget what CAN happen once you’ve started. I think we all got the message. Hey, I plan on saving that for marriage…..I don’t go to church for nothin’ (it’s just not something I talk about with anybody else)!

Then most of us stayed up till about 2 whispering and laughing (Sophie’s mom only had to come in once to remind us that Sophie has 3 little sisters trying to sleep). The first one to fall asleep was Heather, who got bright red lipstick all over her mouth…and then some….and little red bows tied all over her head. We took pictures of course, and Sophie put one on FB (it wasn’t that bad though, we’re not that mean….and hey, we were warned!).

And the only thoughts I accidentally picked up on during the whole party were such happy ones, that made the party even better. Anyway, it was great, and Sophie’s the best friend a girl can have!