8/2 (more of Friday…..hopefully the last)

Yes, I love keeping myself in suspense. Obviously I survived my harrowing experience, since I’m (still) writing about it. I hear it was a close call though, and that Heather and I are lucky to be alive, much less with such minor injuries as a broken nose and a slight concussion (me) and a broken arm (her)…and plenty of contusions (bruises, big ugly purple bruises). I actually got to see news footage of the car (in which we were locked in the trunk, remember) rolling about 3 times, as JF reached the police barricade and panicked, losing control…they showed it on all the stations several times. It was pretty spectacular. Watching it once was plenty for me, after that I couldn’t really look at it. It made my stomach roll right along with that car (shudder). Even Jerry wasn’t injured that badly (yeah, I admit it, I wish it had gone a little worse for him….not dying or anything, but more pain, a lot more pain…not very Christian of me, right?). Like me, he suffered a broken nose and a concussion, and his legs were pretty torn up. They had to use the jaws of life to get him out (so I’m told).

In fact, I was told quite a bit! Let me relate what I’ve learned about what was going on before and after we were locked in that stupid trunk. I’ll start with JF and Heather’s mom, which was real bad. He showed up at her house while we were at the lake, bold as can be, and tried to coerce her into taking him back. Apparently, besides wanting to get near Heather again, he thought it would look better for him in court if he and his wife were back together. The problem with that little plan was that Heather’s mom has finally figured out what a mean and vicious sleaze he really is (not to mention crazy), and even though he hit her several times, she refused to say she would take him back. So he shot her, left her there thinking she was dead, and came looking for Heather. I’m not really sure what he was thinking, maybe he thought after killing his wife he didn’t have much to lose and could snatch Heather and run off with her and disappear. Who knows. I’m certainly not planning to ask him. But I’m happy to report that she isn’t dead. That woman is amazingly resilient…or perhaps blessed by the Lord to keep living…maybe both. JF shot her point blank in the chest and somehow managed to miss her heart by millimeters. She has a long road ahead of her (again), but she’ll make a complete recovery (with the happy knowledge that her soon-to-be-ex husband will be locked away for a long long time, since he’s been charged with attempted murder, grand theft, and kidnapping [2 counts], and several other violations that just keep piling up). But I’m going off the subject, I think….I’m concussed, what can I say?

Anyway, I also found out that JF was the one who was watching me for several days, I wasn’t imagining that (so glad I’m not going crazy….yet). I think he confessed to watching me all day Friday, so he already knew that both Heather and I were at the lake when he went to see Heather’s mom. After he shot her he swiped her car and headed straight over to the lake and waited around the corner for one of us to come out. He thought it was great that we came out at the same time, and we didn’t notice him because he wasn’t in a car we were watching for. He obviously put very little thought into his plan, because he snatched us in broad daylight in a public place, without even really checking to see if anyone was watching….because someone was watching, and he didn’t notice.

When Heather and I walked up to the main gate, Cooper watched us go by and followed us at a distance, hoping to talk to me alone for a few minutes after Heather got picked up but before Sophie came up to join me (I haven’t heard why he wanted to talk to me alone….one of those things to ponder). He was leaning against a tree when JF drove up, and he saw the whole thing happen right in front of him, but he was so stunned he didn’t move a muscle until we started to drive away. He mentally shook himself and ran up to the road to see if he could get the license plate number, but by then we had gone around a curve in the road. Cooper tore back down to the snack bar to tell his dad what he saw, and on the way he ran right past Sophie. She said he looked like demons were on his tail, so she turned around and followed him to see if he was okay. She heard everything he told his dad, so then SHE ran up to the road to look around, while Cooper’s dad called the police. Right after she found Heather’s bag sitting there by itself, Heather’s dad drove up and stopped next to her and asked if she had seen Heather. Sophie told me she just stood there for a few seconds with her mouth opening and closing like a fish, not knowing how to tell him his daughter was just kidnapped moments before. Finally she told him that there had been a big problem and could he please come into the parking lot and talk to the manager of the snack bar? He was naturally very upset about his daughter when he heard what had happened, but the police showed up real quick (thank you, Lord).

The police had already been to Heather’s house, because a neighbor had reported hearing a gunshot and then saw Mrs. Fowler’s car leaving in a big hurry right after. Heather’s mom was already on her way to the hospital, and JF was wanted for questioning, so when Cooper related what he had seen, the police took it very seriously. They immediately put it out there to all the other cops in the state (however they do that), and put an Amber Alert on those big freeway signs, and several people called in that they had seen Heather’s mom’s car with JF’s description driving east out of the city. The chase and wreck happened about an hour and a half after he grabbed us (although Heather and I agreed that it felt a LOT longer to us). My parents just roll their eyes at that. Sophie called them as soon as she could, so they were on pins and needles for that hour and a half, and it seemed like days to them. They (with Matt) waited at police headquarters, then met us at the hospital.

Back to us, after the car flipped…The paramedics said Heather and I were both unconscious when they got the trunk open, and my face was all bloody where I broke my nose on the trunk lid. Heather’s arm was broken when it got caught in that crack she had pushed open between the seats, as we were tumbling around. JF was yelling and cussing and generally causing a noisy scene afterward, which I thankfully mostly missed. Heather came to pretty quick, but I guess I was knocked out for about 5-10 minutes….long enough to give me a splitting headache and not remember how I got there or what was going on for a while (that was weird). We were airlifted to the same hospital where they had taken Heather’s mom, so they were put in the same room together, even though Heather was released to her Dad’s care the next day. It’s actually kind of sweet; he insisted on staying with them both that first night and Heather said he was so gentle and helpful with her mom, and she seemed really grateful for him being there. Heather said she hasn’t seen them that nice to each other in a long time. I think she’s secretly hoping they’ll somehow find each other again after all this. Wouldn’t that be just too cool??

Well, they kept me overnight also, probably to make sure I didn’t have any seizures or whatever. They ran tests (like a CAT scan) to make sure my brain wasn’t bleeding or damaged too much and set my nose (man, THAT HURT). All that touching by so many people was nerve-racking, but most of their thoughts were fairly indifferent and professional, and nobody’s thoughts seemed overly concerned about my brain, so that was kind of comforting. Actually, it made me feel pretty good to know that most of those doctors and nurses actually had their minds on their jobs! When I was in a room and relatively comfortable (ahhhh, blessed relief from the touching), then the police bugged me for a couple of hours, asking questions and taking a statement. It seemed like they wanted to make sure that we hadn’t gone with JF willingly (duh). Oh, yeah, like I’m happy to run off with a pervert and SURE, I’ll ride in the trunk so you don’t get in trouble! Sorry, I’ll blame that on the concussion too….makes me grumpy and sarcastic. It’s just that they ask the same questions over and over, then they go away and come back and ask them again. It gets old quick when your head (and all the rest of you) is hurting, and the pills they have given you make you loopy.

Anyway, the police finally left, then my family argued over who would stay the night with me. Matt and Dad fought valiantly, but they didn’t stand a chance against Mom. She just wouldn’t hear of anybody but her staying with me. That settled that, but it made me feel really special that they all wanted to be there for me. Dad and Matt both hugged and kissed me (Dad with a little glisten in his eyes that he would most likely deny), and said they’d be back in the morning. Mom sat next to me holding my hand, and I fell asleep to the sound of her singing an old lullaby in her head.

I’m tired….I’ll write more later.

Should old acquaintance be forgot
And never brought to mind
Should old acquaintance be forgot
And days of auld lang syne.

8/1 (still more)

Yeah, I know where I was….with a gun pointed in my face. Considering all the billions of people in this world, how many do you think ever have a gun seriously pointed at them in a lifetime? I’ll bet the number is pretty low…..just my luck to be one of them. I really thought I was going to wet my shorts. It’s definitely up there in the top 3 most scary moments in my life (you might know that Jerry Fowler is in the top 5 twice). To suddenly be confronted with something that could end your life with the pull of a trigger….it’s almost impossible to put words to that feeling.

JF: (smiling in a way I don’t like at all) Well, well, it’s my two favorite young ladies right here together. How lucky for me! One-stop shopping. (he snickers a little, then his tone changes and sounds much more menacing) Okay, girls, we’re going for a ride. Both of you, get in the trunk (I hear the trunk lid unlatch. It takes a few seconds for us to grasp his meaning, and the two of us just stand there like statues, staring at him, until he yells at us) Move it!! Don’t make me get ugly, okay? (he starts getting out of the car which unglues my feet and I do move it and give Heather a little shove in the back and she moves it too)

We scrambled around to the back of his car, only I’ve seen his car several times and this wasn’t it. His car is a white Toyota of some kind, almost new. This one was dark blue and a little older and bigger (thank goodness…more trunk space). Heather climbed in first, and I kind of tumbled in after her, since JF gave me a shove from behind to hurry me up. He slammed the lid behind me, after telling us to be quiet, but before I had a chance to get off of Heather. I heard his door slam, then a slight screech of tires as he pulled out onto the road. I was kind of in a daze, partly from the shock of being shoved into a trunk at gunpoint, partly because I couldn’t think with Heather being hysterical in my brain…..he has a gun…he has a gun….what are we going to do…..where is he taking us….what are we going to do….oh please, God, don’t let him kill us….he has a gun….I can’t breathe….and it just kind of kept cycling through the same thoughts over and over at like, 90 miles an hour. It’s very hard to think clearly when someone else is yelling in your ear, so to speak. I wiggled and ooched to get off of her, trying to figure out a way not to touch her for a just minute or two. It was pitch black, so I couldn’t see what I was doing.

Me: (in a loud whisper…I didn’t know if he could hear us) Heather, calm down! We have to think. Turn toward the back of the trunk on your side (I’m thinking if we sort of spoon, I can put an inch or so between us….I’m so glad I’m small at this moment…but at first I can’t even get her attention…I put my mouth close to where I think her ear should be) Heather, listen. Please try to get a grip. We need to try and think what we can do. You’re going to use up all our air faster! (I don’t know if the trunk is airtight, but it feels like it! Her thoughts are still buzzing in my head, but I can tell she’s hearing me, because I start hearing my own words in there, like an echo….very weird) I really need you to turn on your side away from me, so we’re not so crowded.
Heather: (in her head) Calm down…..breathe in…..breath out….turn on my side….okay, I can do that….oh, it’s really tight in here….he’s got a gun…no, stop….don’t think about that….keep trying to turn….where is he taking us….nobody was around….nobody saw…..they won’t even know we’re gone…..they’ll never find us…he’s going to kill us and dump our bodies somewhere (she manages to turn on her left side, kind of curled in a ball, but starts to cry)
Me: (I push myself back against the tail of the car as hard as I can and put my arms in front of my chest up against her t-shirt, careful not to touch any skin. The hard part is our legs in shorts, but somehow I manage to pull my legs away from hers just a hair. I feel like a contortionist, but the silence in my head is a relief) Heather, please don’t cry. I don’t want to be mean, but we just don’t have time for that now. (I rub her back with my hand briefly for support) We need to come up with some kind of a plan for when he stops the car. Maybe we can hit him with something and run away. Think, Heather!
Heather: (with a little hiccup) Okay, I’m trying. I’ll feel around for something. What’s that thing you use to change a tire? Maybe he has one of those in here.
Me: (I hear muffled music. JF must have turned on the radio. He’s changing stations, looking for something) A tire iron? Good idea. (a thought suddenly occurs to me) Hey, do you have your cell phone in your pocket?
Heather: Oh man! These shorts don’t have any pockets. I left my cell phone in my beach bag, and it’s still sitting on the ground by the side of the road.
Me: Well then, Sophie will have found it by now. She was going to come up and meet me there to wait for the bus. Maybe she’ll put it together somehow.
Heather: (sounding more hopeful) Yeah, maybe. She’ll have to wonder where you’ve gone, won’t she? You wouldn’t just leave her there, especially when she’s got your stuff.
Me: Exactly. And Sophie’s really smart, I’ll bet she figures out something’s wrong. (Please, Lord, let Sophie be really smart today) Did you notice this car? This isn’t Jerry’s car. Does he have another one?
Heather: Oh, I was so scared I didn’t even notice. All I saw was that gun. No, he only has the one white Toyota. But this one is dark, isn’t it? Now that I think about it, this car looks just like my mom’s. What is he doing with my mom’s car? (her voice starts to choke up again)
Me: (talking fast) Maybe it’s not your mom’s. Maybe he stole a car that just happens to look like your mom’s car.
Heather: (sounding skeptical) Maybe. It seems like too much of a coincidence. And Mom didn’t answer her phone when I called to check in like she wanted me to. It went straight to voicemail. I didn’t think much about it at the time, but she was just home relaxing on her day off. She should have answered.
Me: She could have been taking a nap or in the bathroom. Did you leave a message?
Heather: Yeah, I said I’d be home within an hour, that Dad was picking me up.
Me: Great! That’s two more people who will wonder what happened to you!
Heather: (her panic pushed back again…whew) Oh yeah! My dad! He was supposed to be there to get me any minute. He’ll worry for sure.
Me: If we could just get this trunk lid open….
Heather: (interrupting) I don’t care how scared I am of my stepdad, I can’t jump from a moving car.
Me: Yeah, but if he has to stop at a red light or stop sign, we could jump out then and run.
Heather: And he would get out of the car and shoot us in the back!
Me: (a thought had already pushed itself into my head) I doubt that very much. I don’t think he has any intention of killing us, Heather.
Heather: (she thinks about that for a few seconds) Oh.
Me: Yeah. All the more reason to find a way to get away real quick. Because even though I don’t think he wants us dead, I’m pretty sure he’s crazy enough to do it if we upset him. And I will do just about anything I have to, even jump from a moving car, or risk getting shot, to keep that man from ever touching me again.
Heather: (and even though she doesn’t know as much as I do about his mind….still fervently) Okay, me too. (after a moment) I’ve been feeling around and I can’t feel a single thing back here.
Me: I have an idea, but I think we’re going to have to try to turn over and face the other way. I saw on a TV show or some movie once where a person was locked in a trunk and messed with the taillights and the bad guy got pulled over because a cop saw that the brake lights weren’t working or something.
Heather: Oh yeah, like we’re going to get that lucky. (her pessimism is starting to totally bug me)
Me: Well, it’s worth a shot, right? You never know. Plus, I can’t put my arms behind me to feel for a latch. So that’s two reasons to flip. AND, I don’t think we’ll fit in here back-to-back, without being very uncomfortable.
Heather: Okay, fine. (after much struggling and grunting, we both manage to turn on our other sides…but now I have the same problem I had at first…Heather’s thoughts, loud and clear…I have GOT to learn to block out this stuff!)…..owww, pins and needles in my shoulder….it does feel better though….now what…..what is he going to do with us…..no, DON’T think about that…..is this Mom’s car……why does he have Mom’s car…..where’s Mom….what if he’s done something to Mom……please God, let Mom be okay…..please don’t let her be dead…..stop it, Heather!….
Me: (trying to sound reasonable and not like a total nut job) Heather, this will sound totally stupid, but I really need you to try not to touch me. Could you push yourself back as much as possible and put an inch between us? Please?
Heather: Um, you’re kidding, right? (thinking) Oh brother….what is her problem…there’s no way I can NOT touch her….I’ve heard rumors that she’s has a germ thing….must be true.
Me: (remembering to respond only to her words and hanging on to my temper with an effort) I ‘m sorry, but I just can’t think straight while you’re touching me (true). I only need a tiny bit of space…..because I’m claustrophobic and I’m going to totally panic (not exactly true, but I do really need the space…this is just not the time to reveal my special “talent”). We don’t have time for either one of us to lose it. We have to hold ourselves together.
Heather: (sighing) You’re right. Okay, I’ll try….(thinking) she’s right, this IS a bad time for her to get claustrophobic….how am I going to manage this….
Me: It’s okay to put your arms against my back, just try to scoot your legs back an inch, and I’ll move mine up as far as I can (ah……peace and quiet again). Okay, that’s fine. Let me feel around and see if there’s anything we can use on this side. (it’s difficult to move my arms around, but I am able to feel over my head a little and also move my feet around slightly….all I feel are my flipflops that have fallen off) Nope there’s nothing here either. If this is your mom’s car, does she usually keep anything in the trunk?
Heather: Oh no. She turned into kind of a clean freak after she married Jerry. Of course, that was mostly him. She only keeps a few things in the trunk in the winter when there’s snow and ice, like chains and a scraper.
Me: Hmmm. Well, this trunk seems to be pretty clean. I haven’t felt a thing. Almost all cars have a tire iron, but it’s probably in a compartment under us. I don’t think there’s any way to get to it. Let me see if I can find a latch that opens the trunk from the inside. (I feel around every inch I can, but I don’t feel any kind of hole or button or switch of any kind….I’m so disappointed that I almost start to cry myself…that was our best hope of a quick getaway) Nothing.
Heather: Now what? Have you tried to find some wires for the taillights?
Me: (perking up slightly) No, I forgot about it. I’ll try that. (I feel around a little above my head until my fingers find the edges of a little door in the back of the trunk, which I am able to pry open. I feel several wires, which I start to pull on. They’re in there pretty tight, and it’s hard to get any leverage from my position, but finally after tugging and wiggling them back and forth for several minutes I feel a couple of them come undone. I reached down between my knees to see if I can do the other side, but it’s just too far down and we’re packed in too tight.) Well, I think I got one of them undone, but I can’t reach the other one. We’ll just have to hope somebody notices a light out. It might not get noticed till dark though, and that’s several hours away.
Heather: I can’t think of anything else we can do.
Me: Me either. (we’re both quiet for several minutes and I notice I’m starting to get kind of sleepy) Heather, how are you feeling?
Heather: (with a small jerk) Oh man, I guess I dozed off. I’m feeling really drowsy.
Me: Me too. You don’t think we’re running out of air, do you?
Heather: Surely not. We haven’t been in here that long, have we?
Me: I don’t know, I’ve kind of lost track of time, but there’s two of us and we’ve been talking a lot. Maybe we should just be really still and quiet to conserve our air.
Heather: (after a minute or two) I almost hate to bring it up, but if we turn back over, maybe I could push one of the seats out enough to get us some fresh air. Jerry probably wouldn’t even notice, if I only did it a little.
Me: Definitely worth a try, I say. (so we turn back over and she uses her hands and knees to push on the seat….using up more air, but I try not to think about it…I hold my breath just hoping it doesn’t make a big noise….and suddenly we see a little glimmer of light shining through a crack between the seats…she keeps inching it out slowly, as far as she dares….YES! I breathe deeply and definitely start to feel more alert again)

While we were talking and plotting and struggling, the back of my mind did register that the car stopped briefly several times, like at stop signs, and once a little longer maybe at a stop light. I didn’t even think to bang on the trunk and yell at those stops (stupid….it’s late afternoon so the traffic must be pretty heavy…what’s he gonna do, jump out of the car, open the trunk and whack me?) I wish I’d thought of that sooner, because now it felt like we were going at a faster steady speed, making me realize we must be on the freeway. Who knows when we would stop again. If he had plenty of gas, it could be hours.

Heather and I were laying quietly for I don’t know how long (seemed like a long time), and I was trying not to dwell on the fact that I needed to pee like crazy, when Heather suddenly stiffened, then I felt the car speeding up…..a LOT.

Heather: (sounding a little breathless) Did you hear that?
Me: Hear what?
Heather: (whispering fiercely) Jerry is listening to the radio, and there was just a news report about us!
Me: No way! What did it say?
Heather: I could only hear parts of it, but it said our names and his name as the suspect, and I think there’s an Amber Alert on us!
Me: (on a sigh) Wow. That explains why we’re going so fast. Do you think they know where we are? (very faintly, I begin to hear sirens…we’re both quiet for a minute, as the sound gradually grows louder)
Heather: Yeah, I think they know where we are.

Something I didn’t know before, but it’s impossible to tell how fast you’re going locked in the trunk of a car. It felt very fast. JF started swerving back and forth erratically, so I figured he must be weaving around other cars. The sirens kept getting louder and louder, until it sounded like it was right behind us, even though it was muffled. It got way bumpy, like he was driving on the shoulder or something, and we were starting to get thrown around quite a bit back there, so I wrapped my arms and legs around Heather and she held onto them, so at least we weren’t bumping and bruising each other. At that moment, I didn’t care about hearing her thoughts. With both of us terrified, hearts pounding, breathing shallow, we were practically thinking the very same things….I don’t even remember now which thoughts were hers and which were mine. It seemed to go on and on for such a long time, my arms and legs were aching from holding on so tight….Heather must have felt like I was going to squeeze the life right out of her!

Then, all of a sudden, the back end of the car started sliding sideways, and then we were tumbling in that trunk like ragdolls in a dryer. I lost my grip on Heather and the last thing I remember is flying up and whamming my face into the trunk lid and slamming back down. Then nothing.

Oops, Mom just popped in and caught me typing when I’m supposed to be resting in bed….busted! Well, I do have quite a headache, so I’ll have to finish this tomorrow.

Frosty the Snowman
Was a jolly happy soul
With a corncob pipe
And a button nose
And two eyes made out of coal

8/1 (more)

Okay, where was I? Oh, yeah. We had just convinced Heather that she had to talk to her mother about JF. Well, that’s pretty much all of that conversation. We kept talking about it a little longer, then I think we were all tired of the subject and moved on to more pleasant things. While Heather tried calling her mom to check in, on the new cell phone her dad bought her (it went straight to voicemail), Sophie went and got us all an Icee. When she came back, Cooper was trailing behind her. He was really the last thing I wanted to deal with at that moment, but I didn’t want to be rude…

Cooper: (plopping down on my towel next to me with that adorable grin on his face) Hey, girls! How’s it going? You guys just hangin’ out, huh?
Me: (trying to look relaxed, like I hadn’t just been having a deep and disturbing conversation) Hey, Cooper. Working hard? (I notice Heather is turned away wiping at her eyes, so I search for something to talk about to give her time to pull herself together) I heard you went dirt-biking last week with friends. Did you have a good time? Any spectacular wipe-outs?
Cooper: (a light dawns in his eyes and his grin gets wider) Ah, so it was you who talked to Dad. Yeah, I had a good time. I usually go a whole bunch, but this summer has been so crazy, I haven’t had much time for it. And wipe-outs? Me? No way! (he winks at me) At least not this time.
Me: (man! I could bite my tongue out for giving that one away! I don’t want him thinking I’m interested….because I’m not) It sounds dangerous…don’t people get major injuries doing dirt bikes?
Cooper: (with a small snort) Yeah, it can get hairy. I’ve broken bones a few times, no big deal. It’s worth it, ‘cuz it’s such a rush.
Me: (seeing Heather practically gaping at him, so I nod in her direction…I haven’t forgotten the major crushing going on in that direction) Cooper, you remember Heather Jackson, right?
Cooper: (dipping his head toward her as if noticing her for the first time) Sure, we played volleyball together that one time, right? (Heather nods her head, eyes wide…I can tell she’s totally impressed that he remembered that…actually, I am too) How’s it going?
Heather: (blushing a little) It’s okay, I guess. Has the snack bar been busy?
Cooper: Shh-yeah. We can hardly keep ice cream, sodas and water stocked. This heat wave is great for business.
Heather: (with a tentative smile) I guess it’s pretty neat that you can work for your dad. You know, Carly works for her dad too.
Cooper: (looks at me with slight surprise and a quirked brow) No, I didn’t know that. Carly doesn’t talk about herself very much. What do you do for your dad, Carly?
Me: (trying not to give Heather a “look” for telling him something about me….I can’t really blame her for what she doesn’t know) Oh, I just mow lawns. My dad has a landscape maintenance company.
Cooper: (a sympathetic look this time) Ah, so you have to be out in this heat all day. That stinks.
Me: (making an “ick” face) You said it. But at least it gives me pretty good spending money.
Sophie: (she’s been watching the three-way exchange with a lot of interest…I can almost see the wheels in her head turning) Hey Cooper, since you’re here, I’m officially inviting you to Carly’s birthday party here at the lake next Saturday. I hope your dad will let you have the time off. It’s going to be super-fun! (Sophie studiously ignores the glare I’m giving her….we haven’t even discussed the guest list, and I certainly would veto Cooper….well, just on general principle!). Oh, and Heather, of course you’re invited too. You guys are the first people I’ve told about it. I’ll call you with the time when we’ve firmed up the plans.
Cooper: (big grin) Great! I didn’t even know Carly was having a birthday. How old you gonna’ be, Carly, 15?
Me: (now bright red and mumbling) Um, no, I’ll just be 14.
Heather: It’s no big deal, Carly. Lots of people have late birthdays. At least you’re turning 14 before school starts. One of my other friends has his birthday, like, right before the cut-off and he always feels like the youngest. (she flashes me a sympathetic smile, then turns a brighter one on Cooper) When is your birthday, Cooper?
Cooper: Oh mine’s not until March….long way off.

Sophie leaned back and put her hands behind her where her fingertips were barely touching mine on my towel…very subtle… Heather is totally crushing on Cooper! It is so sweet! We absolutely have to try to get them together… I pulled my hand away, before Sophie could take off on a tangent about that. I felt a twinge of something unpleasant, but refused to identify it. We probably should try to get Cooper and Heather together. She sure could use something nice in her life right now to take her mind off of the rotten stuff.

Sophie: Well, Carly’s party is going to rock. I hope you both can come.
Cooper: I’ll have to check with Dad, but I’m sure he would let me off the hook, at least for a couple of hours, maybe more depending on what time of day it is.
Heather: (eager-beaver jumping in) Oh, I’ll definitely be there! Wouldn’t miss it….um, are you going to invite Tessa?
Sophie: Oh yeah, of course. You can go ahead and tell her about it if you want. Just tell her I’ll call her sometime next week.
Heather: Great! (sighing) Well, I guess I should be getting out to the gate. My dad said he was going to pick me up in about 10 minutes (she starts gathering up her towel and bag).
Cooper: Yeah, I need to get back to work too. I’ll see you ladies next Saturday, if not before. (he looks at me kind of…I don’t know…..hopeful?…then hops up and takes off at a trot back to the snack bar).
Me: (noticing the wistful look Heather gives his back) Hey, Heather, you want me to walk up to the park entrance with you? You know, just to keep you company?
Heather: (the wistful look replaced by a slightly fearful one) Yeah, that would be nice….thanks.
Sophie: Carly, I’ll gather our stuff up and meet you up there in a few minutes, so we can catch the next bus, okay?
Me: Okay, thanks. See you in a few.

Heather and I walked at a leisurely pace back through the park and up the curving drive toward the main road. When we got to the entrance gate, Heather set her beach bag down and we stood there chatting about nothing in particular, glancing up the street occasionally watching for Heather’s dad. Heather was describing a cute pair of shoes she saw the other day at the mall, and we were kind of absorbed in that, when all of a sudden Jerry Fowler screeched to a stop right in front of us in his car. It seemed like he just came out of nowhere! My heart felt like it jumped into my throat, when I saw that the passenger window was rolled down and he was actually pointing a gun at us…….A GUN!!!!!

Aw, man! I have to go again….Mom says the police are here to ask a few more questions (what could they possibly have thought up to ask NOW). I’ll be back.

Oh, the weather outside is frightful,
But the fire is so delightful.
And since we’ve no place to go,
Let it snow
Let it snow
Let it snow

8/1

Yeah, I didn’t write yesterday (Friday), and I’ll tell why in a minute. It’s been a wild two days, and I’m still wiped out. Man, I don’t even know where to start. I guess I’ll start at the beginning….duh. My brain is fuzzy. And yesterday seems like forever ago.

Anyway, yesterday. It started out kind of “off” and went downhill from there. I overslept, which I don’t do very often, and Dad came in and bellowed at me to get a move on, which startled me awake…never a good way to start the day. I hustled to get dressed and brush my teeth, and jumped in the truck with a banana, a bagel, and a bottle of water, but in my scramble I forgot my MP3 player…..ACK! Oh, the mowing totally drags by when I have no tunes, and it put me in a foul mood, totally. And I had that prickly feeling again. Yeah, I completely felt like I was being watched. I actually stopped mowing a couple of times and turned off the motor, so I could look around and listen. But I just didn’t know what to look or listen for. Nothing seemed out of place or odd in the neighborhoods I was mowing. I was so creeped out, I actually told Dad about it although I knew I would sound crazy. He didn’t laugh at me like I thought he would, but he didn’t seem worried about it either. He said I was probably still feeling the after-effects of my encounter with Jerry Fowler. It’s just making me jumpy. Maybe. It seemed like a reasonable explanation.

After work, Sophie and I took the bus to the lake and met up with Heather. I was a little nervous, but determined to talk to her about JF, and what a pervert he is and see if she had gotten any bad vibes from him (or worse). We laid in the sun for a few minutes, but it didn’t take long for us all to get really hot and ready for a cool swim out to the dock. We splashed and floated on our backs and did a few dives off the dock, but all three of us got tired of it pretty quick, so we stretched out on our towels in the shade. Sophie kept giving me looks to get going already, so I took a deep breath and dove, head first, into the dreaded topic.

Me: (glancing at Heather then examining my cuticles) Heather, can I ask you a question? It’s kind of personal.
Heather: (tilting her head to the side) Sure.
Me: (looking at Sophie for support. She nods her head emphatically, making her blond curls shed little water droplets on her shoulders) I was wondering…well, what I wanted to know is….(deep breath) there’s no easy way to ask this….has your stepdad ever done anything to make you afraid of him?
Heather: (you know when you read about shutters coming down over someone’s eyes? That’s exactly what happened to Heather’s eyes…they were open, but totally closed off all of a sudden) No. I don’t know what you mean.
Me: (looking her straight in the eye) Come on, Heather. I’m pretty sure you do know what I mean. Mr. Fowler said a few things on Sunday that made me think he’s got ideas about you that are not exactly, um, appropriate for a father to have for his daughter, even a stepfather.
Heather: (shifting uncomfortably and not meeting my gaze anymore) He was mean, but he never hit me or anything. He yelled at me sometimes.
Me: (beginning to get warmed up now and feeling bolder) And that was enough to make your dad run off with you, and let everyone wonder what happened to you? I’m not a genius, but that seems like a pretty lame reason to run away, because he yells at you. I’ll just come out and say it. A couple of the things he said sounded like a total pervert, even a pedophile. Has he ever done anything to you, Heather? If he has, you really need to tell your mom or dad or somebody who can do something about it.
Heather: (the shuttered look is gone, and now she just looks terrified) No! No, you can’t say anything to my mom! He said he’d (she cuts herself off)….Please don’t say anything to Mom. He didn’t do anything to me, honest. (I’m not convinced)
Me: (I can only keep telling her what he said, I can’t tell her that I know first hand how messed up he is) He seems totally crazy to me, Heather. If he hasn’t done anything, I’ll bet he certainly planned to before he messed up your mom. (Heather cringes at that, I’m sure remembering what he did to her mom to put her in the hospital)
Sophie: Heather, if he’s trying to do things to you that he shouldn’t, you can’t keep quiet about it. He’ll just think he can get away with gross stuff like that whenever he feels like it. You can trust us, Heather, we’re your friends. We just want to help you.
Heather: (stays quiet for a minute, looking intently from one of us to the other) If I tell you guys, you CANNOT tell my mother. He said he’d hurt her even worse if I told anybody, and after that last time I know he would. I kind of hinted about it to Tessa, but I made her promise not to breath a word of it. My dad knows I’m afraid of Jerry, but I tried to be as vague as possible about why. I let him think I was afraid he’d beat me….I wish that WAS what I’m afraid of. (she pauses again, seeming to gather her courage to talk) It started about six months ago, I guess. It was little things at first, small enough that I thought he was just being more affectionate, but at the same time getting meaner to Mom, which I didn’t understand. A comment here and there that I thought was not quite the right thing to say. Touching me on the shoulder or arm more often, almost a caress. Standing closer than I was comfortable with. Once in a while pulling me onto his lap and tickling me, like I was a little kid. Now that I look back, he always did those odd things when Mom wasn’t around, never when she was with us. (looking down, playing with the fringe on her towel) There was one time when I ran into him coming out of the bathroom after his shower and his towel slipped. I was so embarrassed, but he just laughed it off and said don’t worry about it, it was nothing, but he was weird about it. I guess that was no accident. It got more and more creepy, like a couple of times I woke up in the night and he’d be standing there in the dark, just watching me sleep. I’ve been very sheltered in my life, but I could tell that it was not right, and it made me so uncomfortable. The last straw was when I got up late one night to get a drink of water in the kitchen. (she pauses, looking out at the lake, starts to turn red) While I was standing at the sink, suddenly he was just there standing right behind me, practically rubbing up against me, running his hands up and down my bare arms. He…he was whispering things to me about how pretty I was and how I was such a good girl, his girl. How he wanted us to be close and didn’t I want that too? I was freaking out! Then he took my hand and put it against his…you know. I thought I was going to throw up. I really thought he was going to do something very bad right then, but Mom walked in to see why I was up so late and he moved away real quick. That night was one of their worst fights ever, and I heard him hit her a couple of times. I ran away the next morning, and went to my dad’s. I was so upset and hardly even made any sense, trying to let him know how upset I was but not tell him the exact reason….I should have told him all of it right then, but I was so ashamed and confused and just sick about the whole thing. I kept wondering if I had done something to encourage him, if I had brought it on myself. I just couldn’t talk about it. Well, Dad kind of overreacted and we took off. But he got in touch with Mom after a week or so, and they talked about me not living with her any more. She was really upset, but she didn’t argue about it, and she didn’t tell Jerry either, I don’t think. But I’m sure he figured it out somehow after we got back, and that’s when he beat her up so bad. And he called me a couple of times when he knew I was home by myself and threatened me and Mom if I told anybody about what he did and said to me. I’ve been just trying to hold out until his trial, hoping he would be put away for a while and we wouldn’t have to worry about him anymore.

She stopped and looked at us both for our reaction. Sophie and I just sat there for a bit with our mouths hanging open and our eyes bugging out. I’m sure we looked pretty funny, if the situation wasn’t so awful.

Sophie: (getting a grip first) Yeah, but what if he gets probation? What if he doesn’t get any jail time? Isn’t this his first offense?
Heather: Actually, he was arrested twice before for battery, but both times the women didn’t press charges. I think the prosecutor told Mom they can’t use that in court. I don’t have a clue what we’ll do if he doesn’t go to jail. Mom is a nervous wreck, and I’m really afraid he’ll talk her into taking him back. He’s pretty good at convincing her she can’t live without him. He makes her feel so stupid and useless. (her eyes flash with suppressed anger) Sometimes I really hate him.
Me: Heather, you have GOT to talk to somebody about this. I know you don’t want to upset your mom, but she’s already worried, and the man is stalking you both. I think he’s crazy and dangerous. And I don’t think he’s changed his mind about how “close” he wants to get to you (I make quote marks with my fingers). And from what he said, he definitely wants to get your mom and you back, and it didn’t sound like he planned to be too nice once he did. You know, it’s possible that deep down she already knows what he’s really like. Even if he tried to cover it up, she probably noticed something was going on. Just knowing my own, moms are very observant.
Heather: (her eyes shimmering with unshed tears) But if she did, why didn’t she say something? Why didn’t she stop him? Why wasn’t she there for me? (I can tell Heather has some real resentment against her mother)
Sophie: Probably because she’s scared to death of him and was afraid of what he’d do if she confronted him. And she did let you go stay with your dad awfully easy and didn’t put up any kind of a fight, didn’t she?
Heather: (sniffing and trying not to start bawling) No, she didn’t make any fuss at all. Normally she and Dad fight like cats and dogs about me, but this time she just let it go. I guess that was the only way she knew to protect me. That’s probably what set Jerry off, because he doesn’t have any guardianship rights with me and didn’t have a say, just Mom and Dad. He was probably trying to force her to fight to get me back. Poor Mom. (sighing) I guess you’re right. I need to tell Mom about this. If it makes the case stronger against Jerry, it would be worth the shame of people knowing about it.
Me: You have absolutely NOTHING to be ashamed about! You didn’t do anything wrong, that sicko did. And I’m so glad he didn’t get the chance to do anything worse to you!
Sophie and Heather: (together and very heartfelt) Me too!

Okay, not nearly done, but Mom’s knocking on the door —— BRB.

You better watch out
You better not cry
You better not pout
I’m tellin’ you why
Santa Claus is coming to town!

7/29

Note to self: Don’t practice relaxation exercises right before bed…I fell asleep (well, at least I know I was relaxed).

Today was a scorcher – 101. But that’s not what is important. I felt like I was being watched today. Is that my overactive imagination? Seriously, I kept feeling a prickling on the back of my neck, just like I read in books. I must be getting paranoid. I actually looked around the neighborhood I was working in several times, scanning for anything (or anyone) unusual, but there was nothing. I must just be spooked with the whole Heather and JF thing. Ya think? I almost mentioned it to Dad, but I just hate sounding psychotic. It was totally creeping me out though.

Apparently the news of our mall “adventure” has been all over the grapevine, because I was the center of attention before (and after) Bible class tonight….oh goody, just where I like to be. Sophie stuck to me like glue and ran interference for me as much as she could (Heather had a better idea….she wasn’t there). Of course, it was totally blown out of proportion by the time it got back to me….JF grabbed me in a private place and slapped me, Dad totally beat him up and knocked out a couple of teeth and he had to go to the hospital, stuff like that. Grapevines are stupid! Remind me NOT to gossip any more….ever. I played it down to all those there as much as possible, but they acted disappointed and will probably go on repeating the exaggerations which are much more exciting to tell. Dumb.

After class, several of us were standing around outside the building just waiting for the adults to finish chatting, and I got that feeling again. I just felt like there was someone watching me. Of course, I have had this feeling many times since I am nervous about that very thing, but this was somehow different. It wasn’t quite dark yet, almost twilight, so I could see pretty good, and I didn’t see anything at all. Maybe I am going crazy. It wouldn’t be a very far trip, I’ll bet. Sophie looked at me with a question in her eyes, but I just shrugged. I’ll tell her about it later…probably. I really don’t want to seem like a nut, even if it is my best friend, and even if it is true…..

When I got home, I called Heather to make sure she’s okay and asked if she wants to go to the lake with us on Friday. As I expected, she just didn’t want to face anybody tonight, and she said sure for Friday. Well, that’s something to look forward to. I wonder if I’ll see Cooper.

7/30

No creepy feelings today. Is that a good thing? Maybe it was just my imagination. I mean really, who’s going to be watching ME anyway? I just kept my head down, my headphones on, and mowed my sweaty little tushie off (my biceps and shoulders are looking awesome, by the way). 8 days till my birthday. I called Sophie tonight to discuss my celebration and of course she talked me into a party at the lake (with boys….how does she do it??). She said to leave all the planning to her and Mom, and I reluctantly said okay, but nothing embarrassing! (yeah, I still haven’t forgotten that last party!!) I’d like to have the party on my birthday, next Friday, but Sophie was very insistent that it be on Saturday afternoon. You’d think the actual birthday girl would get to have what she wants, but Sophie’s point that more people could probably come on Saturday did make sense, so I gave in on that too. In fact, I might as well face it, she’ll get her way on everything. All I have to do is show up…and the party will be fantastic, as usual. Fine. Whatevs. The person that I would want there the most won’t be, so it’s not going to be a very great party anyway.

Oh yeah, I’m still pining away over Gray. I think about him daily (much more than I think about Cooper….which is not at all!) If I remember right, he’s supposed to be back late Sunday night, just in time to start band camp on Monday morning….he’ll be exhausted. I’ll be a nervous wreck seeing him for the first time in two months! What will I say to him? What will he say? Will he even notice me? He’s probably forgotten all about me. Jerk. Boys are stupid.

City sidewalks, busy sidewalks
Dressed in holiday style.
In the air there’s a feeling
of Christmas.