Why does life have to be so hard? Why can’t I get my act together? Why must my brain LOCK on me? Why am I so apathetic? Why???????? Sometimes it’s just more energy than I can muster. Blech.

I haven’t posted at all in over a month, and for those of you who have been my loyal readers I apologize. Doing anything creative (or constructive for that matter) has been beyond my capabilities. But since I only have a couple of readers, and I know you personally, I know you’ll forgive me for the lapse. I’m trying to get back to some kind of routine, but it’s so very hard with hubby unemployed. I am constantly pulled down into a vortex of apathy and hopelessness. Now I have a cold which saps my energies further. I will try to start writing again. Maybe if I immerse myself in Carly’s simple little world, I will find my way back to creativity. I will try!

Overheard tidbits of conversations that just strike me as funny…

“Wait! I have no foot!”

I did it! I completed one portion of my goals for the year! I actually painted enough paintings (5) to send in an application for Art in the Park (here in Boise), and mailed the application on Monday. Now, I began this quest on September 1, and the reason I picked that time was in hopes that I would actually get to be included in Art in the Park as an artist, but I have no control over that part. And to be perfectly honest, it would have to be a separate goal altogether, I have decided. This is because having the courage to paint and send in the application was a major accomplishment in itself, and I have no idea whether I will be accepted or not (NOT, more than likely…this is an objective opinion, not pessimism, taking into consideration my lack of experience and maturity as a painter).

I am torn between wanting to be acknowledged and validated as an artist, and being terrified of the commitment and expense of painting a BUNCH more paintings and having all kinds of copies made and the details (and again, expense) of having a booth in a professional venue. It’s daunting to say the least. I have a month between finding out I was accepted (May 1) and having to actually make the commitment to participate (June 1), so I would have time to weigh the pros and cons and decide if it’s even feasible for me to entertain the notion of going through with the show…sigh. But at least I completed the goal of trying for it. I am very happy with that, and to be perfectly frank, it’s the first major artistic goal I have completed in about 8 years. It feels good. And with all the chaos and stress going on in my life at the moment it feels REALLY good to be moving forward with SOMETHING.

So what’s next, you ask? Well, I haven’t been good at doing the art and the writing things at the same time, it’s just too hard to flip that switch on a daily basis. I have concentrated on the painting recently, so now I will switch to writing mode for a while. I plan to work on one of my novels for the next 6 weeks or so (I refuse to be too rigid in my time frame), until I hear about Art in the Park around May 1. Whether I’m accepted or not will decide for me how hard I will have to push with the art for the next 4 months until the show. For now, writing will be my thing. That includes Carly Boone! So if you’ve been waiting (im)patiently for that storyto resume, never fear. Carly will be back by, ooooooh, Monday at the latest.

I have not been very good lately on my health and fitness goal. Although I haven’t gained any weight back (still at 198/199….whew!), I haven’t been eating healthy enough and I haven’t been walking, due to a grumpy knee. I have decided that the knee hasn’t improved through resting it, so I plan to resume walking tomorrow morning (it actually doesn’t hurt WHILE I’m walking, just stiff and sore later). Anyway, I’m still determined to get healthier and lose a total of at least 50 pounds….I’m not giving up!

As for memorizing the book of Romans…well, I have neglected that terribly. But I still WANT to do it, so I keep telling myself it’s not a punishment, it’s a choice! I want to memorize, I want to memorize, I want to memorize…oh yeah, that oughta’ do it. *snickers*

So more than 50% of my time has flown away never to return, but I have completed 25% of the goal! Yeeeeeeeeee-haw!

Last watercolor for a while…now I will concentrate on writing for a few weeks…

I’m under a very tight deadline this week with my paintings, but I WILL give an update next Tuesday! Thanks for your patience…

Overheard tidbits of conversations that just strike me as funny…

“Non sequitur…”
“What did you call me?”

Yesterday, I was exactly halfway to my goals. Scary, because I have wasted so much time since November, exciting because the “glass is still half full”. I’m only 50% of the way there, so I have plenty of time to keep working and striving toward my four goals. Six months to persevere and not let the stresses of life conquer me. I want to keep going, I want to complete as much of the journey as possible (heh, well the journey will be completed whether the goals are or not, right?). I’m feeling optimistic today, which is definitely an improvement over the last six weeks or so. Having a working computer again, and not having to borrow a son’s or daughter’s, helps quite a bit. Okay, here’s where I stand:

Romans – That’s not been going too well, but I plan to make leaps and bounds in the next six months. I can still memorize most of it!

Weight - This morning I weighed 198, yesterday 197. So I’ve lost a total of 15 pounds of the 50. Hey! Only 35 to go, then I can cut my hair (my own personal vow). Hija and I have started doing 30-day challenges to eat healthy and avoid those evil empty calories like white flour, white sugar, and fried foods. At the moment I hardly even miss them, even chips. What I do miss is the variety, and I have been too apathetic to find some new recipes to try. So eating is very boring, but my stomach has definitely shrunk and that’s a great feeling! My walking has been sporadic this winter, not because of bad weather…it’s been very mild here in the high desert…but because of apathy again. I just haven’t wanted to do ANYTHING. But I will work my way through the malaise and keep pressing forward.

Painting- Okay, well…I have procrastinated terribly the last month, but now I have a deadline of mailing off my application for Art in the Park by March 15, so I have two weeks to paint three paintings, fill out the application, take some good photos of said paintings, write a description of the booth I would use and include a picture of one, and decide on prices for my product, and get it all in the mail and postmarked by the 15th. No pressure there! Well, sometimes a deadline is just the ticket for me, a champeeeen procrastinator. And since entry is one of my major goals for the year, I MUST see it through. It would kill me to miss that deadline. So I have LOTS of incentive!

Novel - Nothing going on there, but I plan to spend SIX WEEKS writing (only), once my entry is mailed up to April 1. I will devote myself to writing for that six weeks. Until then it will stay on hold…

I honestly feel like I can make a big dent in all four of these goals by September 1, and possibly complete most of them. The journey is what is important! Just keep swimming, swimming………….

For those of you hanging out, checking in with me once in a while, don’t give up on me. I’m still here. I’m just working through some stuff and I haven’t had a consistent way to post the last week or two (computer is broken…must borrow others’ to work…not the optimum situation for creativity in writing or even thinking!). I’m working on my issues and I am not giving up on my goal. I see that I’m almost halfway there, which is scary, but I will keep pushing forward. I will update on the progress next Tuesday. Thanks for being patient with me.