5/29/09

It’s been a long and exhausting day. I’m kind of glad it’s over, even thought I’m feeling sad. Just too much drama for me. I don’t even know where to begin…I really don’t want to tell about the whole day, I’m too tired, so I’ll just give the highlights…

1) Heather’s sudden return was all over the news this morning, and they made it sound very mysterious, which I guess it is to all those people that have absolutely no idea what’s been going on (not that I know much more, but I do have a clue anyway). The news people were bringing up all the questions that I’m sure her parents don’t want to answer, but it did come out that she was with her real dad, and at this point there aren’t going to be any charges filed against him. I’m glad that he’s not in trouble for taking her. I mean if he’s a good dad he was doing what he felt he had to do, right? I so plan to find out more. I did get a chance to touch Heather tonight at graduation. She didn’t walk with the rest of us, but she was there, and I went up to her and gave her a hug and told her I was glad she was back. Her thoughts were a jumbled mess, but mostly she was embarrassed to be the center of attention. A few random ones were…I wish everyone would just quit staring at me…nice girl…where’s dad…stay close, dad…I want to go home…I’m glad I don’t have to walk up on that stage…I hate hurting Mom, but I just can’t go back there…I would totally kill myself…there’s just too many people here…when can we go home…I felt so bad for her. She was so sad and nervous. I wish I could do something to help her. I will find a way to do that if I can.

2) The last day of school was fun, but sad too. The eighth grade parents had a bunch of good junk food set up for us this morning at the graduation rehearsal, and all of us were playing around so much that Mr. Larson was getting totally mad at us. He kept reminding us that we would just embarrass ourselves if we totally messed up…whatevs. How hard is it to file in by rows, then go get a certificate by rows? Hmmm? Anyway, we had a good time, and we got to line up with our friends, so I walked with Sophie and Gray and Jon were right in front of us. After it was over, we got our yearbooks and were signing everybody’s. I didn’t write much in Gray’s. I mean I still don’t know how we stand with each other (sigh), so I wasn’t about to write anything really cute or flirty, so I just said that I was happy we’re friends and we’ll have a lot of fun in high school. I know, I know….lame. I was nervous to see what Gray wrote in mine, so I decided not to read it until tomorrow. He’ll be gone, and I’ll be sad anyway, so if I’m disappointed it won’t matter, right? Sophie and I hung out at my house until she had to go home and change into the new sundress her mom bought her for graduation. She’ll probably have to go up on stage to get some kind of award (she always does), but since I don’t have to worry about that, I didn’t ask for anything new to wear. I’m just wearing my favorite pink skirt and striped top. I really don’t care that much…..in fact, if it weren’t for Sophie and Gray I wouldn’t even want to go. I was sure I would trip going up the stairs to the stage or something. That’s the kind of stuff that usually happens to me…

3) At graduation, some of the girls were crying like they were never going to see each other again. Oh brother…most of us are going to the same high school next year. Get over it! In fact, a lot of them will see each other all summer. I just don’t see the reason to get all weepy and gushy over the whole thing. BUT after it was over and everybody was starting to leave, Gray came up to me to say goodbye and then I did almost get teary. I knew this was the last time I was going to see him until the end of August (his plane was leaving at 6 am), and I really WAS sad about that. Of course, everybody was standing around, so there wasn’t going to be any mushy talk or big goodbye scene, like the one I picture in my head, but he did give me a hug and held onto my hand for a minute.

Gray: Well, I guess this is it.
Me: Yeah, I guess so.
Gray: I hope you have a great summer.
Me: You too. Don’t get thrown off any bucking broncos.
Gray: (grinning) I’ll try not to. Don’t get any grass stains.
Me: (grinning back) I can’t make any promises on that one.
Gray: Um, did you read what I wrote in your yearbook? (he looks at me like he’s searching for something)
Me: Uh, no, I haven’t had time. (lie)
Gray: Oh okay. (he looks a little disappointed) No hurry, whenever you get a minute.
Me: I’ll read it when I get home, okay?
Gray: That would be great. (his dimple winks at me and I feel like I’m really going to cry) Well, my parents are waiting for me, so I have to go. Take care, okay?
Me: You too. (he gives my hand one more little squeeze then walks away)

4) After that, I was really ready to get out of there. Mom and Dad took Matt and me out to eat at a nice restaurant near the high school, and it was a madhouse of course. I barely remember what I ate. I was so bummed at Gray leaving that I didn’t care much about it. It’s funny but Matt was actually nice to me tonight. He kind of punched my shoulder and said how much he was looking forward to torturing me in high school next year…but he said it with an actual smile (I nearly choked on my chicken tender!). I just stared at him like he was an alien being or something. Mom and Dad gave me a pretty white-gold necklace with my birthstone in it (August – peridot, a light-green, I like it better than emeralds, they’re too dark) and two tiny diamonds on either side of it. It’s so pretty, I really like it. It did make me feel special, and yeah, it made the graduation seem more special too. Another total shocker, Matt got me a $20 gift card to Target…wow! When we got home, Mom had made my favorite devils food cake with fudge frosting, and it had my name and little flowers all over it. Dad bought me some daisies, and we ate cake and vanilla ice cream and watched some lame movie Dad picked out…but that was okay, it turned out to be a pretty nice night, after all.

I guess I totally told the whole day anyway, huh? Oh well…Now I’m going to read Gray’s message, since I told him I would…I’ll paste it here:

Carly,
It’s been some year, huh? I had a great time getting to know you better this last month. In fact I have been wanting to for a long time. I guess I’ve kind of been crushing on you the whole year. Even though I’m excited to go work on my uncle’s ranch this summer, I wish I could stay home and hang out with you too. You’re fun and sweet and I really like you. I’m not sure if you feel the same, but I hope you do. It’ll be kind of lonesome up in Montana, so will you write me? My email is GRWeber@networth.net. I’ll look forward to hearing from you.
Gray

Wow.

5/28/09

I couldn’t believe who showed up at school today….Heather Jackson. That’s right, just out of the blue like she’d never been gone. She had crowds of people around her all morning, so I couldn’t get close enough to even say “hello” much less ask her anything about her being gone. I’m sure she’s already sick of the questions, and I could tell that Tessa Prince was guarding her like a watchdog. But I didn’t have to ask her any questions, of course. All I had to do was get close enough to touch her and I would probably get more real information than anyone else was getting. I decided to just wait until some of the crowds thinned out…maybe I could catch her at lunch. I did notice that she looked more nervous and embarrassed to be the center of attention than she was happy to be there.

As it turned out, I didn’t get a chance to talk to her at all, because somebody came and picked her up before lunch. Apparently she was just there to pick up all of her assignments to make up, so she could pass eighth grade and start high school taking the same classes as everyone else. Of course, there were rumors flying all over the place again about where she’d been and why she was suddenly back without it being in the news or anything. Sophie and I talked about it a little, but we didn’t have any time to ourselves at school, so we decided to talk later.

I went home with Sophie after school to hang out. We talked about Heather, wondering where she’s been exactly and where she’s staying now, if she’s at home or with her dad or what. We went online to see if anybody had any real news, but it was just the same gossip that was going around all day. I wonder if Heather will be at school tomorrow.

Tomorrow…the last day of school. I can’t believe I’m about to leave middle school. I have been so preoccupied with Sophie and Gray and the “Heather Jackson Drama” that I completely ignored the fact that we’re having eighth grade graduation tomorrow night. We’ll be practicing for it all morning, then that’ll be it (we only have a half day). It’s really not that big of a deal…I mean, who really cares about graduating from middle school, we were only here 3 years, right? Am I right? What’s important is that Gray is about to go away for the whole summer. How crummy is that? I finally have a guy liking me and he’s leaving for 2 1/2 months! He’ll like totally forget me! Ugh!

I am behinder that usual this week…Christmas always brings out the worst of my procrastination, probably because trying to get everything done is so overwhelming for me. Anyway, Carly Boone will have to have the holidays off, because I have too much to do to focus on her drama. If you’ve never read Carly’s journal, now’s the time to catch up! Start here. And to my loyal readers (both of you), Carly and I will be back one week from today, December 28.

Happy Holidays!

5/26/09

Today was a VERY busy day. I had two reviews today for tests tomorrow (easy-peasy), band was crazy as we had our last concert of the year tonight (with the choir too), rushed to appointment with Headcase (she was happier about me telling Sophie my secret than me!), rushed home and wolfed down some dinner, changed into something nice (eh, who cares), then rushed off to the concert. Mom and Dad were both there (Matt wouldn’t set foot at one of my band things, unless they made him…he had to work, aw rats). I knew (you know why) that Mom was planning to get me to introduce Gray to Dad, so after the concert I said good-bye to him in the band room, and rushed my parents out of there with the excuse of needing to study (which was very true!). Crisis averted…whew!

Now it’s 11:00 and I’m pooped. But I went over my review notes for English and Science, and I feel pretty confident. If I do well on the Science test, I will definitely pull out a Bfor the quarter and semester. That’s all I ask, please God. English is no biggie, since the test only covers “Huckleberry Finn”, and I’ve read that at least three times. I also have a math test tomorrow, which most people are sweating over (I had to help a couple of people at lunch with their practice problems), but that will be a breeeeeeeeeeeze. Now I’m going to bed (yawn). Only 2 1/2 more days of school, then Gray leaves. :(

5/27/09

Tests, tests, tests…my brain is tired. I think I did okay on the Science test, kind of holding my breath. I need at least a B+ to definitely have a B in the class. Aced the math test, and I only had to guess on a couple of questions on the English test. Not bad, overall. Of course, Sophie did fine. She aces everything. The girl has a memory like an elephant. I think she’s gotten straight A’s since third grade when they started giving grades. Gray said he got stuck on just one of the math problems, but he managed to finish the test right when the bell rang. Jon couldn’t care less. I think he gets mostly B’s, but he doesn’t study at all, and barely does the homework. I’m confident he’ll be a janitor some day!

Speaking of Jon, I probably shouldn’t have said anything to him about Sophie. He’s acting even freakier than before! The past couple of days I’ve managed to touch him a couple of times, you know, all casual like, and he has got it bad for that girl. That’s almost all he’s thinking about, but he’s scared to death to say anything to her. He’s so nervous when he’s around her, and since we’ve been hanging out with him and Gray so much, I’ve hardly heard him say two words. Poor guy. I wish there was something I could do to help him. Today he pulled me aside and asked me how I knew that he likes her, and I fudged and said I had just noticed that he gets really quiet when she’s around (which is true), and had put two and two together (with a little help from his brain). I promised him I wouldn’t say anything to her unless he asked me to, and he heaved this big sigh of relief. I’m not sure he’ll ever get up the nerve to even talk to her! I’ll have to come up with a plan…I think they’d make a cute couple and wouldn’t it be fun for best friends to be couples together!

5/24/09

Early Sunday morning. I won’t have time to write in here later…Sophie’s coming over after church to hang out, then I’m going to her house to spend the night tonight. Sammie and Kelly are coming too. What will we do, you ask? Play with each other’s hair, do outrageous make-up makeovers, paint our nails, talk about guys, IM guys, do stupid games with guys’ names, listen to loud music, eat a lot of stuff that’s very bad for us, watch a chick flick, then talk about guys some more. I’ve already warned Sophie not to bring up Gray, but if the other two ask about him I will GUSH, I guarantee it…it would be impossible not to! Monday we’re going to hang out at the mall…I’ll write tomorrow night!

5/25/09

Today was a great day, even if I almost got in trouble with my parents. It actually started with last night, at Sophie’s. As I suspected, Sammie and Kelly totally grilled me about Gray and teased me all night about having a boyfriend. I tried to convince them that I wasn’t sure if he WAS my boyfriend, but they didn’t let me off the hook. When we got online to see who was on, there was a group of guys hanging out at Gray’s house, so we started IMing them, and Sophie borrowed her mom’s AND dad’s cell phones and we were texting and talking on those too. It was crazy but fun. I could tell the guys were ragging on Gray just as much as the girls were with me…it was very embarrassing. I figured he was thinking, “She is soooo not worth this!” I would have liked to know what he WAS thinking, but no, I have to have this picky-choosy “gift”.

Sammie told one of the guys that we were going to the mall today, and suddenly they were making plans for all of us to hang out together. I wasn’t really sure how I felt about that, but I wasn’t about to pass up a chance to hang out with Gray. I couldn’t help but think about the fact that he’ll be leaving in less than a week. Man, the whole summer Gray-less…it stretches before me, hot, sweaty and lonely.

Anyway, Sophie’s mom dropped us off at the mall at noon and the guys met us at the food court. There was Gray and Jon, Matt (trumpet), Chase (drummer), and Evan (on Gray’s baseball team). I have to say here that all five of these guys are basically hotties (Gray is the cutest of course!). Hanging out with them at the mall will definitely make a girl the target of many jealous stares and gossip all over school. We were absolutely loving it.

I have to say here that Gray and I both seem to feel a little awkward about being together around other people. I just don’t know how to act. He stayed near me all the time, but we didn’t hold hands or anything.  Does that mean he’s embarrassed to be seen with me? He’d give me a playful nudge when we were joking around, and once when he was walking kind of behind me, he put his hand on my arm to help me through a crowd of people. My heart still speeds up every time he touches me (or smiles into my eyes). Does he think of me as a girlfriend? Figuring this stuff out is harder than Science! I wish he’d actually SAY something like, “Hey, Carly, I really like you…do you want to be my girlfriend?” That would clear things up very nicely! I wonder if he’s ever had a girlfriend? I’ve never SEEN one before (and I’ve been watching since sixth grade), but that doesn’t mean he hasn’t had one from another town or something.

We all sat in the food court for a while, some of us eating junk, drinking soda. Then we wandered all over the mall, going in Spencer’s and Hot Topic, trying to find the weirdest stuff they had. Sophie asked if she should get her nose pierced, which started a big discussion about the best and grossest parts to get pierced (we all agreed on the most disgusting…). Then we moved on to tattoos! All the guys said they would probably get at least one tattoo, but only Sophie was sure about getting one among us girls. Hey, needles are just not my thing…maybe I could try one of those henna ones that wears off in a couple of weeks.

As we passed Baskin-Robbins, Gray asked if he could get me a cone and I said sure. He didn’t even ask what kind I wanted and I was curious what flavor he would bring back. He got us both a Reese’s, and I thought it was so sweet that he remembered it was my favorite!

As we were eating the ice cream, I was sitting on a bench scrunched between Gray and Jon, and I heard a few random thoughts go through Jon’s mind…her eyes are so blue, and her hair smells great. I looked up at him in surprise, but he was studying his cone intently. I looked around at the other girls wondering if he meant one of them…I mean, he could be obsessed with someone that’s not even with us. The only girl with us with eyes “so blue” is Sophie. Is that who he meant? Her hair does always smell nice, she uses a freezia-scented shampoo. After that, I started watching Jon closer (slyly of course!), and I noticed he was quieter than usual…just like the other morning when the four of us were walking to class! He manuvered his way close to Sophie whenever he could without being obvious, and he watched her when no one was looking. Wow! Jon is totally crushing on Sophie! If she has any clue of it, she hasn’t said anything to me, and I haven’t read it in her thoughts either (of course, I’m not reading her thoughts 24/7 for heaven’s sake…I only touch her occasionally…but like I said, she says pretty much everything in her head…she really doesn’t have many secrets).

The afternoon went by so fast, and we talked and laughed and strolled around the mall, and my mind was so full of Gray and now this new stuff about Jon liking Sophie that I couldn’t wait to get back here and write it down! Mom was picking me up at 4:00, and most of the others were going home on the bus at 5:00, so Gray said he’d walk with me out the front doors to wait for her. Right before we left, I walked over to Jon and looked up at him. When he looked down at me I just said softly, “You should tell her, you know,” and walked off before he could say anything. I grinned back at him over my shoulder, and he was just staring at me with his mouth open a little.

Gray: What was that all about? (raising an eyebrow)
Me: Oh, I think you know.
Gray: Know what? (grinning)
Me: Barky’s got a cru-ush. (grinning back)
Gray: Wow, how did you figure it out? He tries so hard to hide it.
Me: Oh, I just got a hunch and started watching him. He gets pretty quiet when he’s around her. That’s different!
Gray: Yeah, I told him to just relax, but he gets all tied up when he’s near her. I know how he feels.
Me: Oh, you get all tied up around Sophie too? (yeah, I’m fishing)
Gray: (stopping me with a hand, looking into my eyes) No. I get totally tied up when I’m with you.
Me: Oh. (Okay, now I can’t breathe)

We started walking again. Gray reached out and took my hand and held it all the way out the door. Mom was already waiting in the pick-up circle, and by the look on her face, I could tell she wasn’t expecting to see me come waltzing out of the mall holding hands with a guy. I started to let go of Gray’s hand, but he didn’t let go of mine. He walked me all the way to the car and opened the door for me (I’m melting here).

Mom: Carly, who’s your friend? (looking just a little put out)
Me: This is Gray. Gray, this is my Mom. (I suddenly have a dry mouth)
Gray: Hi, Mrs. Boone. Nice to meet you. (he reaches through the door and shakes her hand; his mom would be proud of this boy’s manners)
Mom: Um, nice to meet you too. (a little surprised by the good manners)
Gray: I’ll see you at school tomorrow, Carly. Bye.
Me: Okay. Bye. (we pull away from the curb as Gray turns and walks back toward the mall)
Mom: Soooooo…who was that? (still looking irritated and suspicious, but also curious)
Me: Gray Weber. He’s in band with me.
Mom: And? (she glances in my direction, expecting more information)
Me: He’s just a guy I like, okay? We were at the mall, he and some other guys were at the mall…(I kind of peter out…it sounds a little lame, even to me)
Mom: So you have a boyfriend, and you just forget to tell us about him, AND you forgot to mention that you were meeting him at the mall today. Was Sophie even there? It wasn’t just the two of you was it? You know you’re not allowed to date yet, Carly. You remember the dating rules.
Me: Yes, Mom. Mixed parties at 14, double-dating at 15, single-dating at 16. I’ve got it. It wasn’t like that. For one thing, I don’t even know if Gray is my boyfriend. Second, I didn’t plan to meet him. Sophie, Kelly, Sammie and I were talking to a group of guys last night and Sammie and Kelly set it up to meet all of them at the mall today. So there was a group of us and we just hung out, that’s all. You can check with Sophie, if you don’t believe me.
Mom: It’s not that I don’t believe you, Carly. As far as I know, you’ve never lied to me and I’m not expecting you to. I trust you. But it did take me totally off-guard to see you come strolling out of the mall holding hands with a boy, and no other girls in sight!
Me: He offered to walk me out, and the others were staying for another hour. That was the only time we were even alone all day, and it was a crowded mall.
Mom: I just don’t like the feeling that you’re keeping things from me, sweetie. I didn’t even know you liked any boys.
Me: Well, I have to have a few secrets, don’t I? I’m a teenager! I’ve liked lots of guys, Mom. I just don’t broadcast it. This is the first one that’s acted like he likes me back. (well maybe not LOTS of guys but a few, and I’m not about to tell her how long I’ve had a major crush on just Gray…it would probably freak her out)
Mom: Wait a minute. You said you don’t know if you’re his girlfriend. What’s that mean? You were holding hands with him. (she glances my way again with an eyebrow raised) Can’t you tell what he’s thinking?
Me: Not a single tiny little thought. He’s a total blank to me just like Matt, darn it. He acts like he likes me, and he does hold hands with me, but he hasn’t said anything about being his girlfriend. It’s so frustrating.
Mom: (chuckling) Welcome to the world of the rest of us girls! It’s probably better this way. You can’t understand the way guys think anyway, so it might as well be a total blank! Besides, the mystery makes it more fun.
Me: I’m not so sure about that, but I can’t do anything about it anyway.
Mom: Well, from now on, when the plans change I expect to hear about it, got it? Especially if those plans change to include boys.
Me: I hear you. And could we please not mention this to Dad? I’ll never hear the end of it.
Mom: He’ll have to know about it sooner or later, if you’re going to have boyfriends.
Me: Yeah, but he doesn’t have to hear about this one today, does he? Pleeeeeeeease?
Mom: Okay, I’ll keep it to myself for now. But you owe me one.
Me: Fine. Anything!

Mom wanted to hear more about Gray, so I told her that he plays drums in the band, which made her nervous, I could tell. Drummers always have a rep for being the bad boys, but I assured her that Gray is not like that. She asked if I wanted to invite him over for dinner one night, and I said not yet. I’m not ready for him to meet Dad yet…ewwww. I want the guy to keep liking me okay, not get scared off!

5/22/09

What a long week…yay for Friday! In honor of the holiday weekend, I’m not going to write anything! You got it, nothing. Nada. Zilch. Zippo. See ya’………………………………………………………………….wouldn’t wanna be ya’!

5/23/09

Okay, I’ll write a little tiny word (or two). But just a little teeny tiny bit. At breakfast yesterday, Mom told me that she and Dad talked about it and they’re really glad I told Sophie my secret. They know she’s a good friend who will never betray my trust, and they’re happy I have someone else to talk to about things. They just cautioned me to come to THEM with the important stuff and not wait…yeah, yeah. When I hugged Mom, I knew that she really IS glad I told Sophie, but she’s worried about me (so what else is new!) with the whole Jerry Fowler thing.

Last night Sophie spent the night at my house and we talked till about 3am. She insisted on a blow-by-blow of my time with Gray. She said she’s a little jealous that a really cute guy likes me and she’s got nobody. I reminded her of at least three guys at school who like her, but she thinks they’re all lame (by the way, we talked on line for at least two hours with a bunch of band friends, including Gray and Jon…they had us ROFL). She had all kinds of questions about my “power” as she likes to call it. We talked about Headcase…Sophie wants to meet her of course. I told her all about what’s been going on with Heather Jackson’s mom and stepdad and the thoughts that came from Tessa Prince. She was totally blown away by the weirdness of it all, and we tried to decide if there’s some way we can find out more information. We think that Heather’s stepdad has been mean to her, maybe even abusive, and Heather’s dad has taken her away somewhere. Maybe I could touch Tessa again to see if she’s heard from Heather. Time’s running out, though. School is out on Friday, and after that I won’t have any excuse to get near Tessa (or Heather’s parents, really, even at church…besides, my Dad told me to stay away from Jerry Fowler).

Because it’s Memorial Day Weekend, Dad didn’t make me do any lawns today….YAY BABY! But tonight, my parents are insisting on a “family game night”….oh joy. A Saturday night and I have to spend it with my parents and ole’ Paranoid, since it’s his only night off in a while and we haven’t done anything as a family in at least a month.  I guess it won’t be too bad, they’re ordering pizza and Mom bought stuff to make ice cream sundaes. And we’re going to have a cutthroat game of Settlers of Catan….last time Matt slaughtered all of us, tonight he’s GOIN” DOWN………HARD! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MERCY!!!!!!!

5/21/09 (cont.)

I’m really tired, so I’ll make this short if I can. I had a long talk with Mom and Dad about touching Heather’s mom and stepdad, and how weird it all was, and the dark and angry thoughts in Mr. Fowler’s head. I can’t believe that was only 4 days ago…after the wild (and very distracting) week I’ve had, it seems like FOREVER. They both were NOT happy about the fact that I took it upon myself to read the Fowlers’ thoughts OR the fact that I didn’t tell them about it right away. In fact, they were put out with me all the way around (I think I almost got grounded, but since it’s the first time I’ve ever done that, they just warned me not to go around doing stuff like that).

They had me tell them about the incident with the Fowlers several times, asking questions and having me tell them about what they said, how they said it, and their facial expressions as well as I could remember. I didn’t want to tell them about how preoccupied I’ve been with Gray, so I did my best to remember accurately. They said again that I really should have told them immediately, that I would have remembered better the little things, but that I did pretty good. Well, I’ve thought about it enough over the last few days…I’ve even dreamed about Mr. Fowler once (he was chasing me and yelling…when I get my hands on you, kid, I will GIVE you trouble!)…I woke up with a gasp, sweating. I promised that next time something like this happens, I’ll be prompt in relating it…Mom said she hoped there wouldn’t be a next time, and don’t go looking for trouble. I’m not planning on it.

We talked about what should be done with this information, and Mom and Dad were very concerned about Mrs. Fowler’s skittishness and Mr. Fowler’s anger and total lack of sadness and worry over his stepdaughter. This, combined with what I learned from Tessa Prince, seem to paint a sad and distressing picture of Heather’s home life, but Mom and Dad were a little stumped about where to go with it or who they could talk to (especially without mentioning me and my involvement in the whole thing). They decided Dad would call his friend in the police department, Detective Richard Wilkes (they play on the same softball team). Dad said he would just ask a few questions about the investigation and see what kind of information he could get. I’m really relieved that I’ve given it over to my parents. I feel like a huge burden is lifted off my shoulders…for the moment anyway.

I’m not sure how they really felt about me telling Sophie, but after I told them all about the fight and everything, they at least said they understood why I did it. I think they were so distracted by the other stuff that they didn’t give it that much thought. I’ll probably hear more about it later… :)

Okay, I’m exhausted…more tomorrow.

5/21/09

Seven more days of school (Memorial Day off…) — yippee! Today was a weird but fun day, since Sophie and I are back to being BFF’s. She was waiting for me at school this morning. Actually when I got there, she was talking to Gray and Jon and they all turned and watched me walk up from the circle where Mom dropped me off (I have to add here that as we drove to school, I told Mom I really need to talk to her and Dad about something tonight…I’ve been so distracted that I haven’t told them about Mr. Fowler and his intense anger issues, but it’s really been there the whole time at the back of my mind…also I better tell them about sharing my “gift” with Sophie…I think they’ll be okay with that….I hope….too late to take it back now anyway). Anyway……..it was weird having an audience as I walked up to the front steps of the school.

It’s funny but I noticed something else as I walked toward them…Gray and Sophie were both smiling at me as I came up to them, but Jon wasn’t even looking at me. He was watching Sophie with a kind of a funny look on his face. Then he seemed to catch himself and turned toward me with a little frown. What was that all about? We all walked to the quad and sat around for a little bit while we waited for the first bell to ring. Gray was cracking jokes about Sophie and me fighting, and Jon was quieter today than yesterday. Weird, I never thought of him as being the shy type, but maybe he’s uncomfortable around Sophie since he hasn’t spent much time with her. I’m sure he’ll loosen up if we all spend more time together which I’m hoping we will…even though we don’t have much time left before the end of school and Gray leaves for the summer. Did I say “yippee” about school being almost out? Man, I forgot about Gray leaving in just 10 days! Stupid!!! I’ll barely get to spend any time with him then he’ll be gone. Urg.

Anyway, Gray and Jon walked with both of us to our first class (Sophie’s is right next door to mine), and Gray squeezed my arm a little before he walked away. Sophie stuck a note in my book and grinned before she walked into her classroom. When I got in class, I opened it and almost laughed out loud.

Hey Girl!

Okay, I want the scoop…tell me some dirt on people! Nothing really bad or too sadly personal, just stuff on the people we already don’t like or the really funny junk! Come on, spill! :)

I thought about it for a minute, and then looked around to make sure no one was paying any attention to me before I wrote anything.

Okay, let’s seeeeeeeeee. Tiffany Chase still sleeps with a teddy bear and sometimes has it in her backpack… Jared Bradley has had a secret crush on Mrs. Fogerty all year (if you watch him in English, you can totally tell)…Brett Smith (yes, our big burly football tackle) takes ballet and piano, and NOT because his parents make him! Oops, gotta go, pop quiz… After reading, you must destroy this!!!!! Eat it if you have to!  :p

After class, I handed her the note. We went back and forth like that all day. I amazed myself at how much I know about almost everybody. I mean, most of these guys I’ve known a loooong time. At lunch, we kept whispering and giggling and I think Gray got a little paranoid, even though I told him we weren’t talking about him. He finally took off with Jon to play basketball. I did tell Sophie that I can’t read him at all, and she thought that was the funniest thing she heard all day…the rat. At the end of the day, I did tell her that she’d have to keep all that stuff to herself, even though it was mostly stuff that didn’t matter one way or the other (I didn’t tell her anything that might really hurt someone if it got out…I know I need to be careful and protect the secrets of people), and she promised faithfully that she wouldn’t tell anything. We totally covered that paper with notes in tiny little writing, front and back…she handed it to me after school and I made a mental note to really burn it when I got home. I really don’t want anyone to read it…Now that I think about it some more, I’m definitely not going to make a habit of snitching stuff to Sophie. I mean, it was really fun to be able to share some of the secrets I know with my best friend…I’ve been dying to for years…but I don’t feel quite right about it. I can’t help feeling that if it was me, I wouldn’t want people knowing any of my thoughts and secrets, much less sharing them with someone else. I don’t want to be a witch or anything either. Anyway…

I’ve got to go talk to Mom and Dad, I’ll add more later…

5/20/09 … more

Okay, I’m back. What was I saying? Oh yeah, Gray and lunch. Well, it’s getting late and I need to tell about Sophie and me, so I’ll just say it was a great and confusing day all in one. After lunch, Gray walked me to my next class and after school he walked with me from my locker to the car. Mom raised an eyebrow at me, but didn’t say a word. Thanks Mom. He said he’d see me tomorrow, and then walked off. I guess we’ll see what happens tomorrow. Sigh…I sure wish I knew what’s in his head. It would make things so much easier! I know, I said that already.

Sophie also met me at my locker, which is what we usually do. She said her mom said it was okay for her to come over for a while, and she walked with us to the car, trying not to grin at me too much over Gray. On the ride home, we didn’t say a word to each other. Mom glanced at me several times; she could tell something was definitely off, as we usually chatter and argue all the way. But she’s good about knowing when NOT to say anything, and I love that about her.

At home, Sophie and I went to the kitchen first and grabbed an apple each, a knife, and a jar of peanut butter like we always do, then headed upstairs to my room. I was getting serious butterflies in my stomach and knew I wouldn’t be able to eat anything until I had told her my secret. When we got up there, Sophie dropped her backpack on the bed, and wasted no time getting to the point.

Sophie: Look, I know this isn’t easy for you, so I’ll start. You have this secret. It has something to do with touching people, and I know you’re not a germaphobe. I have an idea about it, but I want you to just come out and say it.
Me: Let me start by saying that I have never told my secret to anyone, not anyone. My parents and Matt know, but that’s it. I’ve been hiding this since kindergarten, and if you hadn’t gotten mad at me and pushed it so hard, I may have eventually told you anyway, but I don’t know. You have to swear that you’ll NEVER tell a soul about this, even on pain of death when you’re being tortured horribly and you’re screaming for mercy.
Sophie: I swear, Carly. Get on with it!
Me: I mean it Sophie. If this secret got out, my life and my family’s lives would never be the same. I’ve seen too many shows and movies where people’s lives are ruined when something like this became public.
Sophie: I understand. I swear I won’t tell. I will take your secret to the grave, okay?
Me: Okay (I take a deep breath, but still don’t say anything for a minute) I can read minds (I let out my breath in a big whoosh, and feel better already just for having said it out loud).
Sophie: (eyes getting really big) I KNEW IT! I knew it was something freaky like that! You don’t know how many times I’ve thought there was something funny about the way you knew exactly what I was thinking or suggested doing something that I was about to say!
Me: (laughing) Well, sorry Sophie, but you’re not that hard to read. You say everything that’s in your head already. There’s not a whole lot of talent that goes into that. And there have been lots of times you asked me if I was a mind-reader or something.
Sophie: Yeah and you always just shrugged it off, making some comment about best friends knowing each other. But I never felt like I knew you as well as you know me.
Me: Every time I thought about telling you, I would think of some awful reaction…either you wouldn’t believe me or you would think I was insane or you’d be so excited you’d tell everyone you knew (she looks indignant at that, then smiles and shrugs, knowing she has a big mouth sometimes)…sorry.  How long have you thought I was keeping a secret?
Sophie: Oh man, a long time. Every since we met in kindergarten it seemed like you had secrets that you weren’t sharing. You’d get a look on your face, like you could hear a dog whistle or something that the rest of us couldn’t hear. And sometimes you’d totally freak out and try to cover it up. But I didn’t start putting that together with touching people until middle school, when you really started being weird about touching people and avoiding it so bad. For a while I thought you were just going schizoid on me, but I finally started putting the action and the reaction together.
Me: And here I thought I was so subtle. I know people think I’m odd. I can’t help that. I try not to react as much as possible, and if the thoughts are not bad or freaky I’m pretty good at it. You wouldn’t believe how many I hear in a day. I tune out as much as I can. I don’t want to be a total spaz.
Sophie: (rolling her eyes) Carly, you’re not a total spaz! You do hide it pretty well, but you couldn’t hide it completely from me. I’m with you more than your parents are! I am observant, you know. And I really care about you. I’ve been waiting for over a year for you to share this with me, and it did hurt that you didn’t feel you could share your problems with me. I thought there were a couple of times when you almost did.
Me: Yeah, there have been a couple of times when I really needed to talk to somebody other than my parents about things I hear. I’m so sorry that I didn’t trust you, I have just been so paranoid about the government or somebody like that finding out it, ever since I read those Meg Cabot books.
Sophie: Oh, the “1-800-Where-Are-You” series? Now that makes sense. She was your favorite author for a while, then you just totally stopped reading her books all of a sudden. I wondered what was up with that. That’s just fiction, Carly. Nobody is going to come and take you away from your parents and make you hunt bad guys for the government.
Me: Maybe not. But it was so close, and it really freaked me out. I’m just not taking any chances, I don’t care how stupid that seems. You forgive me for hiding this from you for so long, right? (she nods vigorously, making her curls bounce and hugs me…silly girls, we both have tears in our eyes) I am glad you know now, though. I have so many things to tell you!

We talked nonstop until she had to go home at dinner time. She asked all kinds of questions about it, and I told her stuff I could remember from when I was a little kid. I told her about Headcase, and Mom and Dad worrying about my sanity and handling the stuff I hear. I didn’t tell her about Heather and that whole thing, but I will tomorrow. I just wanted to let it sink in for a while before I hit her with the really weird stuff. I’m just soooooo relieved.

5/20/09

I did it! I told Sophie my secret!!!!! It took me all day today to work up the nerve to do it, but I finally trusted her enough to just spit it out. That’s the biggest news of the day, but not the only news. It turned out to be almost as good a day as yesterday…definitely as memorable.

It started with me writing her a note, asking if she would come over here after school and talk. I didn’t think it was something we should talk about in public, and I had no idea how long it would take for me to come out with it. I planned to give it to her at lunch or let someone else give it to her.

When Mom dropped me off at school, who do you think was waiting for me outside the front doors? Gray and Jon. Gray, with that totally sweet smile on his face, like he was so happy to see me. I could feel my face turn bright red as I walked toward him, and my smile was probably goofy, but I was really surprised to see him and at first I didn’t know if he was actually waiting for me…I mean he could have been there waiting for someone else or just hanging out with Jon. So I wasn’t sure if I should stop or just smile and keep going. I don’t know how these things go, I’ve never had a guy act like he likes me before, and I didn’t want to make a mistake and totally embarrass myself! But he made it easy and walked out to meet me before I got to the steps. Both guys walked me to my locker, rehashing the competition yesterday. People we met in the hall smiled and said, “Way to go!” and “You guys rock!” and “Go Markham!” I looked at Gray, puzzled, and he said, “It was up on the signboard this morning.” Ah…

After I got my books, Jon took off for his first class but Gray walked with me all the way to first period which was way at the other end of the hall from his class. I was dying to ask him what that meant, but I tried to just enjoy the attention. Maybe he didn’t want me to feel like he was ignoring me after yesterday. He’s nice like that. I just couldn’t say anything, and I was feeling a little shy and awkward not knowing how I’m supposed to act. When he was leaving he said, “I’ll see you at lunch, okay?” My heart was skipping beats and I wanted to ask questions more than ever (where is a good mind-reading when you need one), but all I could croak out was, “Okay.” After that I only caught glimpses of him in the hall between classes for the next few hours. When he caught my eye he would smile and lift his chin at me like guys do when they’re saying “hey.”

I stopped in Sophie’s second period class and dropped the note on her desk while she was over talking to some other girls. We had English together third period and she dropped it back on my desk as she walked past and sat behind me, but didn’t say anything. I opened it and it said, “I’ll call my mom during lunch.” Well, that’s one hurdle. It reminded me about how nervous I was to talk about this, so then I couldn’t concentrate on what the teacher was talking about and almost got in trouble.

We got nothing done in band, since we were all still on a high about winning our competition, even though Mr. Parker reminded us of the last concert of the year next week. Didn’t matter, we just goofed around and got in trouble the whole time, and his yelling was only half-hearted. I tried not to look back at Gray too many times, but it was really hard to control myself. A couple of times it seemed like he was just waiting for me to look his way, and he smiled real big and once he winked at me, like we have this great secret. I felt warm all over. I don’t know how much of a secret it is, whatever IT is, because a couple of the other flutes turned around once and asked if Gray and I were a “thing” now. I didn’t know what to say, so I just said “no” like it was the most ridiculous thing I’d ever heard of. Hey, I’m not going to add to the rumors if I don’t even know what’s going on for sure myself. THAT would be embarrassing for sure!

Since lunch was right after band, I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do. Usually I would automatically go with Sophie to the lunchroom, but we weren’t exactly speaking yet, and I didn’t know what Gray was going to do, if he was going to sit with me or just talk to me after or what. He said he would see me at lunch, but what does that mean? It’s just too weird liking somebody and not knowing how much they like you back… Anyway, I took my time putting my flute away trying to decide what to do, and when I looked up Gray and Jon were standing right in front of me.

Gray: You coming?
Jon: Yeah, hurry up! The line will be out the door, cuz’ it’s taco day!
Me: Uh, okay. Just let me put my case in its cubby.

As simple as that. The three of us walked to lunch together, stood in line, and got our food together. Jon was teasing me about giving him my tater tots, like in “Napoleon Dynamite”. I told him to get his own tots. Then the three of us were telling our favorite lines from the movie and cracking up. Gray was telling me about his mad skills with nunchucks. I was telling them about the time machine I got through mail order, and Jon was thinking about shaving his head because he was so sweaty. When we got our food, Gray led the way over to their regular table, so I ended up sitting with the drummers and trumpet players…it was weird, but fun. Most of these guys (and a couple of girls) were the ones I played Frisbee with yesterday, so they were all teasing me about how easy it was to guard me since I’m so short. I was mostly quiet and blushing but I got a couple of cracks in I guess. Part way through the meal, Gray started holding my hand under the table, and I just looked at him and tried not to grin like a lunatic. He squeezed my fingers and I squeezed back, and it really did feel like we had a great secret. I guess I’m not quite ready for everybody to know about us (if there really is an US) yet…I wouldn’t even know how to answer any questions. I mean, we haven’t even talked about liking each other yet. Shouldn’t we do that before everybody starts knowing? Aaack, I wish I knew. Is there a rulebook or something?

Okay, Mom’s yelling for me, I’ll have to finish about Sophie later…….BRB!