It just shows you how busy and stressed I am right now…I totally forgot to do my check-in last week. Of course, it was Thanksgiving week, but still, I COMPLETELY forgot about it. And here it is, December 1, exactly 3 months into my year-long quest to get healthier, enter paintings in Art in the Park, write a novel, and memorize the book of Romans. The time is exactly 25% gone…whoooooosh. There’s nothing like setting goals to make the time just fly by. I’m not anywhere near where I “should” be,  where I want to be to actually achieve those goals. I was feeling icky about that in my morning pages today…kind of beating myself up for not managing my time better and being more diligent. It does feel like I’m failing.

But then the side of me that actually likes me (this has developed over the years…I didn’t used to have a side that liked me) argued back that the only failure would be to not make any goals, or to give up and quit in the middle. This is the first time in years that I have made some concrete long-term goals of any kind, and I’m actually staying focused on them. This blog helps tremendously. Any of you who have been following it, thanks for putting up with my whiny self-involvement. Anyway, I have to give myself credit for staying with it, and even though I’m working at a snail’s pace, I am moving forward. I am keeping my eye on the goal.

JR mentioned that I did set my goals pretty high, but it gives me something substantial to aim for. As he quoted, “Shoot for the stars and reach the moon.” Gag me. I know it’s right, but puh-leez. But he’s proud of my progress, which helps me to see it from another perspective besides my own perfectionist one.

12 pounds down
2 paintings done
1 3/4 chapters of Romans memorized
2 novels started and an ongoing blog story

I will keep going, and that makes me a success already.

Ten weeks of my journey gone. Ten weeks of ups and downs, progress and not. 20% of my precious time used up already. Man, the time sure flies when you’re feeling pressured! I have nothing to add to that. With the chaos of my oldest and his wife and baby moving in, I have not gotten much accomplished in the way of goals, other than the new novel that daughter and I are writing for NaNoWriMo. We’re behind (of course), which doesn’t seem to bother Hija, but makes me go AAAaaaaaaaaack! I’ve very happy with the story so far, and we have written over 11,500 words. I will just keeping plugging along and try to be even more productive this week. To pull off 50,000 words in a month (especially not starting until the 10th), I have to immerse myself in the project, which means that I’m even spacier than normal. I go around in my own little world for most of the day, and the post-moving organizing is not getting done (boxes and stacks of junk everywhere). Have I mentioned that chaos and disorganization drive me INSANE? Uuuurrggghhhhhh. Anyway, here’s how it stands on the year-long goals:

Weight- still hovering at 199-200. I’m trying to be good, I really am, but I didn’t walk for 4 days in a row last week. That’s not good. I started up again yesterday in the frigid, below-30 weather, which makes me walk hunched up like a turtle trying to pull into my shell…my shoulder blades ache by the time I get home, and I can’t figure out how to stop doing it.

Spiritual – Well, that has been shelved recently, but I’m not giving up on it. I’m trying to finish chapter 2 of Romans this week.

Art - Painting has definitely taken a backseat to writing this week, but the current watercolor MUST be finished by the weekend, because it’s a gift for a loved one that I will be seeing soon!

Writing – All-consuming at the moment, which is fun and a nice change from being shunned, avoided and procrastinated! It would be so exciting to have a complete first draft of a novel finished by Christmas!

Here we are, over two months along…and I will not be moaning about my lack of progress today (aren’t you relieved). Life often interferes with my goals, but that’s the way it is. I set these goals and I continue to make snail-like advances in that general direction, but my priorities remain God,  my husband, my home, my mother, my kids, my grandson, my Christian family. If those things often take precedence over my artist goals (and they do), then so be it. I have my big rocks in place and that’s what is most important to me. Working on this year-long journey is just the yummy gravy on top of the meat of my life. I can live with that. :)

Spiritual - I’m still stuck in the middle of Romans 2. Last week, I tried saying chapter 1 again for JR, and surprisingly, I could still say it with minimal prompting. I’m not giving up!

Weight - Hmmmm, well, I popped back up to 201 after a weekend including such horrible-for-me stuff like Taco Bell, Dairy Queen soft-serve, and pizza. Whatever. I’m still walking 5-6 days a week for 45 minutes or more, so at least I know I’ll get it off again. This week’s challenge is to eat lots more fruits and vegies. That will be good. I’m not giving up!

Art – The poor grandma and child in my painting are stuck with no faces at the moment. It will have to remain so until next week when I can get back to it. Our home is in uproar this week (the whole week), so that must be dealt with. So sorry, grandma and child…I won’t forget you! I’m not giving up!

Writing- Since Hija and I have decided to take the NaNoWriMo challenge and write a 50,000 word novel during the month of November, that is on my mind the most right now (which is another reason the art will have to take a breather for now…as soon as I finish that painting). Of course, today is the 10th and I have written less than a thousand words, but I’m not daunted. I can doooooooo it! If togetherwe write 10 pages a day from now until the end of the month, we’ll make it! I’m not giving up!    hehe

I’ve officially been pursuing my year-long goals for two months…one-sixth of the way done…and what do I have to show for it? I should have lost about 8 pounds – I’m teetering at 3. I should have memorized 2 1/2 – 3 chapters of Romans – I’ve got about 1 1/2. I should have at least 4 paintings finished (I would prefer 8, but I have to be realistic) – I’m working on #3. I don’t have a set number of pages or a chapter goal for my novel, but let’s face it I haven’t done squat on that novel.

Now, I can go two ways with this information. I can beat myself over the head with it, get all depressed and moody for several days and lose even more time wallowing in self-loathing and self-pity…….OR I can feel good that I’m doing something, ANYTHING, being happy that I have these goals, celebrate the progress I’ve made, and challenge myself to do even better in November. Because I’m just not in the mood to be depressed :), I choose the latter. I have lost THREE POUNDS…in the fall! I have memorized 1.5 CHAPTERS of a difficult book of the Bible (JR can attest to that), which shows me my brain ain’t that old yet! I have TWO whole paintings finished, one of which I like pretty well, the other I like very well, and a third about halfway done, which is looking extremely promising. And I’m enjoying the process for once. And no, I haven’t been working on my novel, but I AM writing fiction almost daily and I’m having fun doing it…Yea, me!

Sorry I haven’t been here in a few days. I’ve been distracted with potlucks and paintings…I’m easily distracted. Yesterday, when I normally would have posted an update, JR needed the computer most of the day to do some work. Yes, I could have used my laptop, but it is sooooooooo slow on the Internet. Anyway…

I don’t have much good news on my progress last week, which is rather depressing. Time goes by and I stand still just watching it. Sometimes it’s really hard to motivate myself. And then I realize that sometimes I’m just too hard on myself, and I need to cut a little slack. When I actually sit down and make a list of all the things I would have to accomplish in a day to make myself happy…well, it’s almost laughable. Then I thought about doing some of my painting in the evening when we’re just sitting and watching TV and started to plan a night. Um, well, 3 nights a week I babysit my beautiful grandson (not giving that up), another night we go to a Bible study, and usually we do something either Friday or Saturday night. Wow, that leaves a whole lot of time for painting, doesn’t it? Sigh…stop whining, Ann.

Staying off the Internet is the key to getting other stuff done. Yesterday, when I wasn’t able to get on the computer I actually painted for over an hour, getting the background done on a new watercolor. Yay, me! Today, I plan to neglect other stuff to work on it some more. I’m really not sure why I have to get obsessed to accomplish anything, but that’s just the way it works with me. Just like the story I’ve been writing here. You notice I haven’t published an installment in several days. That’s because I was engrossed in other things…just can’t do it all, don’t know how. And I don’t know whether to just accept that or to keep fighting against it (and being dissatisfied with myself). You tell me.

Health/Weight- Yesterday, I weighed 201, up two pounds from last week. Yeah, I was bad over the weekend. It stinks, but I will just be better, okay? Okay.

Spiritual- Again, not much happened last week. I only memorized 3 verses. I will try harder this week.

Art- Nada. But, like I said, I worked on a new watercolor yesterday, so that’s better.

Novel- Don’t make me laugh. I’ve been totally engrossed in the story I’m writing here.

I’m a loser.

Hmmm, well…last week was a mixed bag as far as success goes. I was challenging myself to stay off the computer until noon, and that lasted about a day, although I did pretty good about  just getting on and off quickly in the morning. Somehow I will have to find a happy balance that I can live with. Generally speaking, I felt like I was getting more accomplished in my day by staying away from the computer in the morning. But it was difficult for me to get (and stay) ahead in my blog posts by writing in the afternoon and scheduling it for the next morning…no allowance for the natural procrastinator in me!

So we’ll see…I will try to do the same thing for another week, except for today. Today I am taking a “me” day. JR asked me what that meant…that means doing whatever I feel like today. Of course, I felt like making his coffee! I had a very FULL weekend…fulfilling, but hectic. Usually, I kind of do, well, not much on the weekends. And if I’m busy it’s not scheduled busy, not “have to”. If I don’t take a day to kind of relax and decompress, I will be out of sorts all week. Everybody needs a day off, right? Absolutely.

Here’s my progress toward my goals for last week:

Weight/Health: Okay, so I was not very good last week at all, I freely admit it. I did walk 5 days, and I almost fulfilled my mini-challenge of drinking 64 oz. of water all 7 days (sorry, Hija, I failed on Sat. and Sun.). That was still much better (even though I don’t get my prize). I snitched from a bag of Peanut M&M’s all week, and I was REALLY bad Friday. But today I still weighed 199, which is a wash, so I’ll take it!

Spiritual: Toward my goal of memorizing the book of Romans (Bible), I memorized 11 verses, which is pretty good. I’m still behind, but any progress is good.

Novel: I have been completely ignoring my novel, but since I’m writing this blog story, I don’t feel too bad about it. In one year, I should actually be able to write two novels, so again, I refuse to beat myself up about it. I will get back to it when the fun wears off of the one I’m working on.

Art: It took some self-flagellation, but I was able to grid, draw, and transfer a picture onto my watercolor paper, so I am ready to start painting today (which I will do if I feel like it, no pressure). It felt really good to push myself to get a little done every day. Best accomplishment of the week (I know it doesn’t sound like much, but considering the huge wall of fear I must climb over every time I start a new project, I’m very happy with myself).

So there we have it. Like I said, mixed bag.

Just a quick check-in today…I am trying to finish part VI of my story so I can post it later today (it’s coming, it’s coming!). I’m going to try something new (a new challenge, yea!), to help me accomplish more on a daily basis. I thought that denying myself the computer games would take care of it, but no. That was only part of the problem. You see, once I get on the computer it just sucks me in. I start working on my blog and reading other people’s blogs and doing a little Tweeting and Facebooking and before I know it 2 hours have just whooshed by and flown away. And that would be just fine if I got the rest of my stuff done, but I don’t. Doing this blog is not even part of the year’s challenge! It’s mostly a way for me to hold myself accountable and a way to check in and chart my progress. Well, there’s not going to BE much progress if I don’t stop spending so many hours on the dad-gum computer. So for the next week, I am challenging myself to NOT TOUCH the computer (except for a quick email check) until after lunch. That gives me the morning hours to get all the other things done that I want to accomplish for the day, so when I do get on here I won’t be neglecting anything else and can enjoy it! Great idea, huh? We’ll see if I can at least get myself organized again…the last two weeks have been chaos. Until next week, then…

Oh, I did weigh 200! That’s a total of 11 pounds (and ALMOST out of the 200′s forever!) woohoo, baby!

…and the endof the mini-challenge. Last week got very boring at times, without any electronic games of any kind, but I did complete the challenge. I didn’t play any computer or video games of any kind for seven days. It’s been months since I could say that! The question is, do I keep going? I don’t know………that’s really hard to commit to again. It was a tough week, I won’t lie. I missed my mindless pastime a LOT. Let me mull it over while I sum up last week’s leg of my journey…

Weight- Well, I kind of cheated on the weigh-in and weighed on Friday (instead of today…I did today too, though). The reason that’s important is because on Friday I surprisingly weighed 201 (woohoo!), but today, not so surprisingly I weighed 203… THIS is why I only let myself weigh once a week…the up-and-down causes some severe bouts of frustration, andat times, depression. I was very excited on Friday at losing a pound especially because it’s that bloated time of the month, but yesterday I made my first big pot of chili of the fall (oh yum), and broke down and bought Fritoes to go with it. Bad, so bad, I know, but very tasty (it got me back though…I’m so not used to that much grease (now) and my stomach felt totally ICKY all afternoon). Anyway, I’m taking the Friday weigh-in, because that’s the lowest I’ve been so far and it makes a total of 10 pounds lost. Here’s the deal, though. October is here, fall is here, celebrating/partying/eating/hibernating season is looming over me. I have never, NOT ONCE IN MY LIFE, lost weight during the winter. Oh, I can top that I think. I can’t remember a single winter in the last 20 years that I haven’t gained at least 10 pounds. Not a single one…which is a big reason I weigh 201 pounds right now. Many of those years I didn’t lose it again after I found it. It just hung around…forevermore. I mustkeep going on this…at 50, with my family history, I am a heart attack or stroke just waiting to happen (eventually). I must keep getting fitter and get the weight off. DD, I’m counting on you. We’re in this together, Hija, and I CANNOT do it by myself. No pressure, though! :)   And if I’m going to lose at least 50 pounds AND KEEP IT OFF, sooner or later I’m going to HAVE to conquer the fall and winter months. Yep, I have no choice about that. I can’t work hard all summer and splurge all winter and expect to be healthy…I ain’t no squirrel! End of rant…

Spirit – Okay, I think I can still recite the whole first chapter of Romans, but I totally slacked off last week and didn’t do a single new verse…again, bad-bad. This week I will get back into the memorization swing and get past the block I have for the 2nd chapter…ugh.

Art – I did finish that watercolor (bottom right of this page) I was working on and that felt great. I have my next one picked out, so I will work on that this week! I’m pretty excited about it.

Writing – Well, I admit it, I’m a little sidetracked with this new “serial” story I’ve started here. It’s an idea I came up with almost a year ago, and I’ve been excited to work on it. Who knows where it will go…certainly not me, I’m wingin’ it! That’s the fun of it. But if I stayed off the computer some more, I probably would have plenty of time to work on my novel too……

Okay, fine. I will give the mini-challenge another week, but I’m not happy about that choice. I just realized how much more creative I felt, how many MORE ideas I had when I was not shutting off my mind…sigh….fine, fine.

As for my Carly Boone story…I have another installment started. We’ll see…if I get any response to this post, I’ll finish and post it today, otherwise you’ll have to wait until tomorrow! Ooooooooooo, the wild anticipation! The air is all crackly with excitement…can’t you tell by my face?

Okay, so I’ve decided to give myself a mini-challenge for the week. I am denying myself computer games for the whole week. No big deal, you say. Well, that is my #1 time-killer and I’m already regretting committing to giving it up for a whole week! I don’t know how I’ll do it…I feel the shakes coming on already.

You know, when I first went on Facebook (sometime in the spring), I got caught up in Yoville (silly game a little like Sims or something) and Farm Town (a silly crop-growing game that I became completely obsessed with). After a couple of months, I literally had to block those applications because I was spending HOURS of my day playing them. But did that stop me from sitting at the computer for hours at a time? Of course not…then I discovered Bejeweled Blitz and Farkle………and blogs of course. I find I can waste two or three hours at a time doing just about anything, including reading other people’s blogs.

So, here I sit with four weeks gone from my challenge, that I will never get back, with not enough to show for it. I have to find a way to force myself past my blocks…maybe complete boredom will do the trick! I will allow myself time to read a couple of my favorite blogs, and to write mine of course…otherwise, I will stay off the computer during this week. We’ll see how it plays out.

As for my check-in on goals:

Health - I’m still walking almost an hour 5-6 days a week, which is good, but I didn’t lose a pound this past week, which means I’m eating too many calories. This week I will concentrate on more water and vegies, less bread

Art - I did start a watercolor last week, but didn’t finish it, so I will work on that and do one more this week…hopefully, with all this extra time!

Writing – Not one word did I write on my novel last week, oh goody. I will try harder this week to finish the current chapter.

Memorizing Romans – Actually I’m doing best at this, surprise surprise. I have completely memorized Chapter One (just ask DH), and am a few verses behind, but feeling good about my progress. At least it feels like some accomplishment is happening around here!

 Oh yes, I just remembered I’m making most of my Christmas gifts this year, due to a severe lack of funds, which will also be helped by NOT being on the computer…So let the gameless week begin!

AHA! I knew it! Julia Cameron in her book, The Artist’s Way, says that blocked artists are not lazy. They are blocked. I must keep repeating that to myself, because that mean ole’ inner critic keeps hissing that I’m lazy, since almost 3 weeks is gone and I still haven’t painted another picture. I am not lazy, I am blocked. I am not lazy, I am blocked. Here’s the standings for my challenge:

Weight: as of this morning, still at 9 pounds…I lost nothing this past week…I’m so surprised………NOT. I will be better! This week, at least a pound.
Memorizing Romans: 27 verses so far (although the last 6 I’m still struggling with a little), I shooting for 10 thing week.
Art: zippo, zilch, nada, nuttin’……..I will try harder THIS WEEK!
Writing: I wrote a little bit this last week, up to about 32 pages…I am determined to finish the current chapter this week!

I WILL be more organized and focused this week! I will, I will, I wiiiii-illlllll!