I am a goal setter. I have trouble getting motivated and setting goals is one way for me to feel like I’m working toward something, that I’m moving forward with my life and not just floating through it, letting circumstances and other people dictate my actions (and mood). And sharing those goals is a way of feeling at least some outside pressure to accomplish them. Self-motivation has never been my strong suit. I have learned to compensate for my weakness in this area by “tricking” myself into reaching for my goals. I’m taking a pottery class (my second) right now, which achieves several things. It forces me to do something creative which I have a tendency to put off, using “life” as an excuse not to do something for myself. It gets me out of the house for a few hours each week and away from family pressures, so that I can lose myself in something other than the same stuff all the time. It puts me in a position to be around outside people so that I’m not just talking to toddlers all the time! (slight exaggeration). In other words, a good thing.

January 1 is one of my favorite days of the year, because it feels like a clean slate. Whatever I did or didn’t do last year is past and I get to start again with new ideas and new goals. In 2011, I had about 7 or 8 goals I was working toward, some easy, some not so much, and I accomplished 3 that I can think of off the top of my head. I finished the first draft of my first novel (a BIGGIE), I was accepted and registered at Boise State University (even though I didn’t get to actually attend because of circumstances over which I had no control, I still accomplished that), and learning to play the Ukulele (not very well, but I accomplished the goal of being able to play a couple of Xmas songs for my family). BUT…in other ways I failed miserably. Like the fact that I had the goal of painting 26 watercolors (one every 2 weeks, a very doable goal), and I didn’t paint a single painting….not ONE. In fact, up until this last week I hadn’t painted anything in almost 2 years. (a separate issue of the paralyzing fear of failure….I’ll address that another time) Losing weight and memorizing scripture from the Bible were 2 other big fat failures.

But, you see, last year is over. A new year has begun. I get to start again! That makes me very happy. I keep in mind that I did accomplish something, and try to learn from the failures. I thought long and hard about goal-setting and how to accomplish them, and I have decided to take a more “intensive” approach this year. My biggest goal for the year is FOCUS and SELF-CONTROL. This is my mantra for the year. All other goals will be under this umbrella.

You might be wondering how I plan to accomplish THIS goal, since I have struggled with these very concepts my whole life. A lack of focus and self-control have plagued me always…..always. Attention Deficit Disorder is a term that I feel strongly is over-used and over-diagnosed these days OR it’s so prevalent because of TV and video games and fast-paced everything that it’s an epidemic among children and adults….whatever. All I know is that I have been in my own world and a daydreamer as long as I can remember.  I was always able to concentrate when I absolutely had to, in classes and such, but otherwise I was often in Lala-land. Ask anyone in my family….being in my own little world is very common with me…I have a wonderful ability to tune out everything and everyone (sometimes that’s NOT so wonderful). I’ve been hearing, “Earth to Ann!” my whole life. Now this could be an “artistic temperament” or ADD or just habit. Any label given, it is deeply ingrained in me……and I want to change it. I want to be able to hold focus and have the self-control to do what I really want to do. Thus, the mantra.

“Okay,” you might be wondering, “How do you plan to change a lifetime of the  inability to get anything done?” Ah, yes, that’s the important question. I plan to change my habits! I’ll get into it more next time….