The last week has been full of hormones, mid-life crises, and all kinds of personal drama. Since I started this year-long journey to self-improvement/fulfillment, it seems that a lot of STUFF has been going on in my subconscious. It’s like the silt on the river-bottom of my psyche has been disturbed, making everything murky and unsettled. So I’ve begun having dreams. Weird, off-the-wall, disturbing dreams. I had one about my family, particularly my dead father, last week, which left me very depressed. I finally wrote it all out and sent it to my sister who has studied several books on interpreting your dreams. And do you know what she told me? I’ll tell you…she told me that since I’ve been actually doing something and feeling good about my progress, my subconscious feels okay about bringing up some ISSUES. That since I’m working on myself, and trying to overcome my fears and develop my creative talents, I’m changing….into what, I’m not sure. But I shouldn’t be afraid of the changes, they are good and natural. And that the journey is exciting and scary and fulfilling all at the same time. Oh, and lots of other stuff about changes in attitude about myself…how I view myself. It’s all very interesting, and more importantly, feels accurate. But change is very scary, so I have been extremely emotional and volatile this last week. It’s tiring, but productive. Here’s what is going on with my goals:
Romans – after three months of ignoring my memorizing, I’ve started again and have finally just about conquered chapter 2…a TOUGH chapter to memorize, let me tell you. I’ll be happy to move on to chapter 3. And although I’m technically way behind, it’s okay. At least I’ve started up again and am moving forward.
Weight- Ugh! Don’t get me started. Menopause and the accompanying metabolic slow-down totally SUCKS! I began a 30-day challenge with Hija, to kind of jump-start our diets again post-holiday season, which is fine. But I promised to stay on Phase One (South Beach Diet) until I got down to 198 pounds, which at this point in my life was way too ambitious. I have been on Phase One for two solid weeks now (feels like a month……REALLY), and I still need to lose 4 pounds. A mere five years ago, I could go on Phase One and drop a solid 10 pounds in two weeks. This time…..4. A lousy, stinkin’ 4 pounds, and other than eating a few things too high in fat (peanut butter being the main one, but only once a day!), I’ve been very good. Of course, I’m still trying to get my walking habit back to where it was before November. I’ve walked 3 days this week so far, not too bad. TODAY I walked the WHOLE circuit around HP, which took 65 minutes (I was surprised it didn’t take longer), but I was so tired when I got home. I’ve made a promise to myself that every time I skip walking for no good reason (except on Sunday….a good reason would be running a fever…..but in bad weather I could still walk IN THE HOUSE) that I have to walk that route. That is a very good incentive for me. Anyway….I have weighed between 200 and 202 the last several days, and I’m trying to resist the temptation to starve myself. I know that’s not going to help me get healthy in the long run.
Art – the deadline for my application for Art in the Park is due by March 15 (less than 6 weeks……eek!), and I must have at least 5 paintings completed to my satisfaction by then. I have 3 that I am willing to submit right now, so I need to come up with at least 2 more. But in reading the application instructions, I found that I have to have a representative painting in several different sizes. Oops, all mine are pretty much the same size. I’m hoping I can whip out a couple of small ones before then. Anyway, that is my main focus at the moment.
Novel – Because of the art thing, I haven’t been writing at all. I have tried to plan on writing at least 1000-5000 words per week, to keep it going, but so far……….nothing. I’ll tell you, it is extremely difficult for me to focus on FOUR completely different things at the same time…something always suffers. Sigh.
But overall, at this moment in time (which could change within a few hours!), I feel pretty good about my progress. Now I must go paint….I’m such a good girl.
