5/21/09

Seven more days of school (Memorial Day off…) — yippee! Today was a weird but fun day, since Sophie and I are back to being BFF’s. She was waiting for me at school this morning. Actually when I got there, she was talking to Gray and Jon and they all turned and watched me walk up from the circle where Mom dropped me off (I have to add here that as we drove to school, I told Mom I really need to talk to her and Dad about something tonight…I’ve been so distracted that I haven’t told them about Mr. Fowler and his intense anger issues, but it’s really been there the whole time at the back of my mind…also I better tell them about sharing my “gift” with Sophie…I think they’ll be okay with that….I hope….too late to take it back now anyway). Anyway……..it was weird having an audience as I walked up to the front steps of the school.

It’s funny but I noticed something else as I walked toward them…Gray and Sophie were both smiling at me as I came up to them, but Jon wasn’t even looking at me. He was watching Sophie with a kind of a funny look on his face. Then he seemed to catch himself and turned toward me with a little frown. What was that all about? We all walked to the quad and sat around for a little bit while we waited for the first bell to ring. Gray was cracking jokes about Sophie and me fighting, and Jon was quieter today than yesterday. Weird, I never thought of him as being the shy type, but maybe he’s uncomfortable around Sophie since he hasn’t spent much time with her. I’m sure he’ll loosen up if we all spend more time together which I’m hoping we will…even though we don’t have much time left before the end of school and Gray leaves for the summer. Did I say “yippee” about school being almost out? Man, I forgot about Gray leaving in just 10 days! Stupid!!! I’ll barely get to spend any time with him then he’ll be gone. Urg.

Anyway, Gray and Jon walked with both of us to our first class (Sophie’s is right next door to mine), and Gray squeezed my arm a little before he walked away. Sophie stuck a note in my book and grinned before she walked into her classroom. When I got in class, I opened it and almost laughed out loud.

Hey Girl!

Okay, I want the scoop…tell me some dirt on people! Nothing really bad or too sadly personal, just stuff on the people we already don’t like or the really funny junk! Come on, spill! :)

I thought about it for a minute, and then looked around to make sure no one was paying any attention to me before I wrote anything.

Okay, let’s seeeeeeeeee. Tiffany Chase still sleeps with a teddy bear and sometimes has it in her backpack… Jared Bradley has had a secret crush on Mrs. Fogerty all year (if you watch him in English, you can totally tell)…Brett Smith (yes, our big burly football tackle) takes ballet and piano, and NOT because his parents make him! Oops, gotta go, pop quiz… After reading, you must destroy this!!!!! Eat it if you have to!  :p

After class, I handed her the note. We went back and forth like that all day. I amazed myself at how much I know about almost everybody. I mean, most of these guys I’ve known a loooong time. At lunch, we kept whispering and giggling and I think Gray got a little paranoid, even though I told him we weren’t talking about him. He finally took off with Jon to play basketball. I did tell Sophie that I can’t read him at all, and she thought that was the funniest thing she heard all day…the rat. At the end of the day, I did tell her that she’d have to keep all that stuff to herself, even though it was mostly stuff that didn’t matter one way or the other (I didn’t tell her anything that might really hurt someone if it got out…I know I need to be careful and protect the secrets of people), and she promised faithfully that she wouldn’t tell anything. We totally covered that paper with notes in tiny little writing, front and back…she handed it to me after school and I made a mental note to really burn it when I got home. I really don’t want anyone to read it…Now that I think about it some more, I’m definitely not going to make a habit of snitching stuff to Sophie. I mean, it was really fun to be able to share some of the secrets I know with my best friend…I’ve been dying to for years…but I don’t feel quite right about it. I can’t help feeling that if it was me, I wouldn’t want people knowing any of my thoughts and secrets, much less sharing them with someone else. I don’t want to be a witch or anything either. Anyway…

I’ve got to go talk to Mom and Dad, I’ll add more later…

Maybe flotsam junk will do just fine
The jetsam sunk, I’m left behind

Why she had to go I don’t know she wouldn’t say
I said something wrong, now I long for yesterday

Overheard tidbits of conversations that just strike me as funny…

It’s in the Twilight Zone…

Old Mr. Webster could never define
What’s being said between your heart and mine

Overheard tidbits of conversations that just strike me as funny…

You’re not even moving, it must be paused…

5/20/09 … more

Okay, I’m back. What was I saying? Oh yeah, Gray and lunch. Well, it’s getting late and I need to tell about Sophie and me, so I’ll just say it was a great and confusing day all in one. After lunch, Gray walked me to my next class and after school he walked with me from my locker to the car. Mom raised an eyebrow at me, but didn’t say a word. Thanks Mom. He said he’d see me tomorrow, and then walked off. I guess we’ll see what happens tomorrow. Sigh…I sure wish I knew what’s in his head. It would make things so much easier! I know, I said that already.

Sophie also met me at my locker, which is what we usually do. She said her mom said it was okay for her to come over for a while, and she walked with us to the car, trying not to grin at me too much over Gray. On the ride home, we didn’t say a word to each other. Mom glanced at me several times; she could tell something was definitely off, as we usually chatter and argue all the way. But she’s good about knowing when NOT to say anything, and I love that about her.

At home, Sophie and I went to the kitchen first and grabbed an apple each, a knife, and a jar of peanut butter like we always do, then headed upstairs to my room. I was getting serious butterflies in my stomach and knew I wouldn’t be able to eat anything until I had told her my secret. When we got up there, Sophie dropped her backpack on the bed, and wasted no time getting to the point.

Sophie: Look, I know this isn’t easy for you, so I’ll start. You have this secret. It has something to do with touching people, and I know you’re not a germaphobe. I have an idea about it, but I want you to just come out and say it.
Me: Let me start by saying that I have never told my secret to anyone, not anyone. My parents and Matt know, but that’s it. I’ve been hiding this since kindergarten, and if you hadn’t gotten mad at me and pushed it so hard, I may have eventually told you anyway, but I don’t know. You have to swear that you’ll NEVER tell a soul about this, even on pain of death when you’re being tortured horribly and you’re screaming for mercy.
Sophie: I swear, Carly. Get on with it!
Me: I mean it Sophie. If this secret got out, my life and my family’s lives would never be the same. I’ve seen too many shows and movies where people’s lives are ruined when something like this became public.
Sophie: I understand. I swear I won’t tell. I will take your secret to the grave, okay?
Me: Okay (I take a deep breath, but still don’t say anything for a minute) I can read minds (I let out my breath in a big whoosh, and feel better already just for having said it out loud).
Sophie: (eyes getting really big) I KNEW IT! I knew it was something freaky like that! You don’t know how many times I’ve thought there was something funny about the way you knew exactly what I was thinking or suggested doing something that I was about to say!
Me: (laughing) Well, sorry Sophie, but you’re not that hard to read. You say everything that’s in your head already. There’s not a whole lot of talent that goes into that. And there have been lots of times you asked me if I was a mind-reader or something.
Sophie: Yeah and you always just shrugged it off, making some comment about best friends knowing each other. But I never felt like I knew you as well as you know me.
Me: Every time I thought about telling you, I would think of some awful reaction…either you wouldn’t believe me or you would think I was insane or you’d be so excited you’d tell everyone you knew (she looks indignant at that, then smiles and shrugs, knowing she has a big mouth sometimes)…sorry.  How long have you thought I was keeping a secret?
Sophie: Oh man, a long time. Every since we met in kindergarten it seemed like you had secrets that you weren’t sharing. You’d get a look on your face, like you could hear a dog whistle or something that the rest of us couldn’t hear. And sometimes you’d totally freak out and try to cover it up. But I didn’t start putting that together with touching people until middle school, when you really started being weird about touching people and avoiding it so bad. For a while I thought you were just going schizoid on me, but I finally started putting the action and the reaction together.
Me: And here I thought I was so subtle. I know people think I’m odd. I can’t help that. I try not to react as much as possible, and if the thoughts are not bad or freaky I’m pretty good at it. You wouldn’t believe how many I hear in a day. I tune out as much as I can. I don’t want to be a total spaz.
Sophie: (rolling her eyes) Carly, you’re not a total spaz! You do hide it pretty well, but you couldn’t hide it completely from me. I’m with you more than your parents are! I am observant, you know. And I really care about you. I’ve been waiting for over a year for you to share this with me, and it did hurt that you didn’t feel you could share your problems with me. I thought there were a couple of times when you almost did.
Me: Yeah, there have been a couple of times when I really needed to talk to somebody other than my parents about things I hear. I’m so sorry that I didn’t trust you, I have just been so paranoid about the government or somebody like that finding out it, ever since I read those Meg Cabot books.
Sophie: Oh, the “1-800-Where-Are-You” series? Now that makes sense. She was your favorite author for a while, then you just totally stopped reading her books all of a sudden. I wondered what was up with that. That’s just fiction, Carly. Nobody is going to come and take you away from your parents and make you hunt bad guys for the government.
Me: Maybe not. But it was so close, and it really freaked me out. I’m just not taking any chances, I don’t care how stupid that seems. You forgive me for hiding this from you for so long, right? (she nods vigorously, making her curls bounce and hugs me…silly girls, we both have tears in our eyes) I am glad you know now, though. I have so many things to tell you!

We talked nonstop until she had to go home at dinner time. She asked all kinds of questions about it, and I told her stuff I could remember from when I was a little kid. I told her about Headcase, and Mom and Dad worrying about my sanity and handling the stuff I hear. I didn’t tell her about Heather and that whole thing, but I will tomorrow. I just wanted to let it sink in for a while before I hit her with the really weird stuff. I’m just soooooo relieved.

Been around the world and found
That only stupid people are breeding

5/20/09

I did it! I told Sophie my secret!!!!! It took me all day today to work up the nerve to do it, but I finally trusted her enough to just spit it out. That’s the biggest news of the day, but not the only news. It turned out to be almost as good a day as yesterday…definitely as memorable.

It started with me writing her a note, asking if she would come over here after school and talk. I didn’t think it was something we should talk about in public, and I had no idea how long it would take for me to come out with it. I planned to give it to her at lunch or let someone else give it to her.

When Mom dropped me off at school, who do you think was waiting for me outside the front doors? Gray and Jon. Gray, with that totally sweet smile on his face, like he was so happy to see me. I could feel my face turn bright red as I walked toward him, and my smile was probably goofy, but I was really surprised to see him and at first I didn’t know if he was actually waiting for me…I mean he could have been there waiting for someone else or just hanging out with Jon. So I wasn’t sure if I should stop or just smile and keep going. I don’t know how these things go, I’ve never had a guy act like he likes me before, and I didn’t want to make a mistake and totally embarrass myself! But he made it easy and walked out to meet me before I got to the steps. Both guys walked me to my locker, rehashing the competition yesterday. People we met in the hall smiled and said, “Way to go!” and “You guys rock!” and “Go Markham!” I looked at Gray, puzzled, and he said, “It was up on the signboard this morning.” Ah…

After I got my books, Jon took off for his first class but Gray walked with me all the way to first period which was way at the other end of the hall from his class. I was dying to ask him what that meant, but I tried to just enjoy the attention. Maybe he didn’t want me to feel like he was ignoring me after yesterday. He’s nice like that. I just couldn’t say anything, and I was feeling a little shy and awkward not knowing how I’m supposed to act. When he was leaving he said, “I’ll see you at lunch, okay?” My heart was skipping beats and I wanted to ask questions more than ever (where is a good mind-reading when you need one), but all I could croak out was, “Okay.” After that I only caught glimpses of him in the hall between classes for the next few hours. When he caught my eye he would smile and lift his chin at me like guys do when they’re saying “hey.”

I stopped in Sophie’s second period class and dropped the note on her desk while she was over talking to some other girls. We had English together third period and she dropped it back on my desk as she walked past and sat behind me, but didn’t say anything. I opened it and it said, “I’ll call my mom during lunch.” Well, that’s one hurdle. It reminded me about how nervous I was to talk about this, so then I couldn’t concentrate on what the teacher was talking about and almost got in trouble.

We got nothing done in band, since we were all still on a high about winning our competition, even though Mr. Parker reminded us of the last concert of the year next week. Didn’t matter, we just goofed around and got in trouble the whole time, and his yelling was only half-hearted. I tried not to look back at Gray too many times, but it was really hard to control myself. A couple of times it seemed like he was just waiting for me to look his way, and he smiled real big and once he winked at me, like we have this great secret. I felt warm all over. I don’t know how much of a secret it is, whatever IT is, because a couple of the other flutes turned around once and asked if Gray and I were a “thing” now. I didn’t know what to say, so I just said “no” like it was the most ridiculous thing I’d ever heard of. Hey, I’m not going to add to the rumors if I don’t even know what’s going on for sure myself. THAT would be embarrassing for sure!

Since lunch was right after band, I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do. Usually I would automatically go with Sophie to the lunchroom, but we weren’t exactly speaking yet, and I didn’t know what Gray was going to do, if he was going to sit with me or just talk to me after or what. He said he would see me at lunch, but what does that mean? It’s just too weird liking somebody and not knowing how much they like you back… Anyway, I took my time putting my flute away trying to decide what to do, and when I looked up Gray and Jon were standing right in front of me.

Gray: You coming?
Jon: Yeah, hurry up! The line will be out the door, cuz’ it’s taco day!
Me: Uh, okay. Just let me put my case in its cubby.

As simple as that. The three of us walked to lunch together, stood in line, and got our food together. Jon was teasing me about giving him my tater tots, like in “Napoleon Dynamite”. I told him to get his own tots. Then the three of us were telling our favorite lines from the movie and cracking up. Gray was telling me about his mad skills with nunchucks. I was telling them about the time machine I got through mail order, and Jon was thinking about shaving his head because he was so sweaty. When we got our food, Gray led the way over to their regular table, so I ended up sitting with the drummers and trumpet players…it was weird, but fun. Most of these guys (and a couple of girls) were the ones I played Frisbee with yesterday, so they were all teasing me about how easy it was to guard me since I’m so short. I was mostly quiet and blushing but I got a couple of cracks in I guess. Part way through the meal, Gray started holding my hand under the table, and I just looked at him and tried not to grin like a lunatic. He squeezed my fingers and I squeezed back, and it really did feel like we had a great secret. I guess I’m not quite ready for everybody to know about us (if there really is an US) yet…I wouldn’t even know how to answer any questions. I mean, we haven’t even talked about liking each other yet. Shouldn’t we do that before everybody starts knowing? Aaack, I wish I knew. Is there a rulebook or something?

Okay, Mom’s yelling for me, I’ll have to finish about Sophie later…….BRB!

Overheard tidbits of conversations that just strike me as funny…

I’m pregnant…but oh, we got married too.