I have an idea *light bulb over head*. I’ve been wracking my poor overworked brain for a good idea for this blog. Yes, the blog is mostly to log my journey through the next year as I struggle to grow artistically, spiritually, and inhealth-consciousness, and I will be giving updates on all those things. But I want to write almost daily, and I’m sorry, but there’s only so much writing about myself I can do….I have faced it, my life is pretty boring to talk about and I’m just not very good at spicing it up (SOME people can make baking bread and cleaning their house sound fascinating…I can’t). I’m an empty-nester…my kids’ lives are pretty interesting and sometimes extremely entertaining, but they would not appreciate me writing about them very much. My DH has already instructed me to use him in my blog rarely, and although I could wax poetic about his beautiful smile and his twinkly blue-blue eyes and how much I am STILL deeply in love with him after almost twenty-seven years…I will refrain [and wait to tell you our story on our anniversary in December ;) ]. I could go on and on about my first grandson, and how cute he is, and how fun he’s becoming now that he’s passed the three-month mark, and how smushie his fat little cheeks are, and how I could kiss (and smell) the top of his head all day long and never get tired of it, and how I live for his sweet smiles, but no. I won’t bore you with that. Or I could regale you with stories about our two ugly mutts (and I probably will)…I mean, everybody loves a good dog story, right? Am I right?

Well, I will probably do all those things eventually, but I don’t want to right now. I need to write this blog to keep myself on the up-and-up, to stay accountable for my goal, but I also want to tell stories…that’s what I like to do. That’s what I NEED to do. So…..duh….I will write a story on my blog. I have no idea how it’s going to go, I just thought it up (I know it’s not original, other people are doing it all over the place —– I don’t care). So, starting tomorrow, I will give you the first installment of my “serial book”, as yet untitled. I had the idea for this story months ago and have done nothing with it, so you will be my guinea pigs. YEA YOU!

Until tomorrow (I know you will wait with bated breath)…

Hi, my name is Ann, and I’m a video-game-aholic. Hi, Ann. It all started when my oldest child was five, and we bribed him to stop sucking his finger with a Nintendo (original). I started playing Mario Brothers with him and we both spent hours playing. He would play all day if we let him, so we had to limit his playing to two hours per day. I would then play some after he went to bed at night. We beat the game at about the same time. I then moved on (with him) to Mario Brothers 2, then 3, and it seemed harmless enough. I mean, after all, it was something we enjoyed doing together. The fact that I was a thirty-something woman spending huge amounts of time playing video games with my son didn’t bother me in the least…although his friends thought it was odd and pretty funny.

We went on to other games, like Marble Madness, some of which I didn’t take to, others that would become total obsessions with me. Oh, I was able to get my regular stuff done around the house, keep my family fed and in clean clothes, but my free time was taken up with playing the games…being the best at the games. I sort of lost touch with them for a while as I was working part-time…I just didn’t have time to spend on them…but they were always lurking in the background. By the time our youngest son was about 12, we had upgraded to Super Nintendo, then Nintendo 64, then the Game Cube. Youngest son liked games I cared nothing for, like Tony Hawk and James Bond (I was never into shooting and blood…I just liked stomping on things and squishing them).

Then came the fateful day in the spring of 2006, when my sister introduced me to Animal Crossing. She was really into it and was so enthusiastic about how cute and fun it was that I decided to give it a try. Thanks a lot, Sis. I quickly became completing involved in the game…catching fish and bugs, planting trees, harvesting fruit, doing little chores for the other town residents, collecting furniture sets. Ahhhh, even now, I miss the thrill of finding something new, collecting that one more song for my stereo. I played that game for one solid year, off and on, mostly on…it was so fun. But even my youngest, who had become a teenager, could tell it was an unhealthy obsession. He even hid the game from me a few times, trying to help me overcome the addiction. I finally got to the point where the game had lost its appeal…I mean I had done pretty much everything you could do and if I kept playing it would be just to get those last two songs and the last few pieces of furniture I was missing.

Then I was introduced to Pogo.com, which was fun but I didn’t like having to pay for my fix. My daughter convinced me to give Facebook a try, and since quite a few of my friends are on there, I gave in after a while but I didn’t think I’d like it. Oh, I was so wrong. Not only do I get to keep in touch with people that I love and never get to see, there is a whole world of fun games…………bad idea.

Now we come to Day Two of my challenge to myself to NOT play any computer or video OR DS games for a whole week. I will admit that yesterday at least three times I almost caved and went on to play. The only thing that stopped me was the fact that I publicly (on here) said I wasn’t going to, and it would be tooooooooo embarrassing to fall off the wagon on the first day. And I’m way too honest to pretend I’m sticking to it if I’m not. I’m in trouble! The good news is that the boredom produced by NOT having a time-killer is that I finished my watercolor (well, I have about 30 minutes left on it)…I may post it later, we’ll see. I’m not too keen on sharing my stuff, but I know I need to get over that…

Whew, it’s great to get that off my chest. I feel so much lighter…now, what are those 12 steps?

You will some day work at Wal-Mart for FIVE years………Wal-mart? That store is tacky.

Okay, so I’ve decided to give myself a mini-challenge for the week. I am denying myself computer games for the whole week. No big deal, you say. Well, that is my #1 time-killer and I’m already regretting committing to giving it up for a whole week! I don’t know how I’ll do it…I feel the shakes coming on already.

You know, when I first went on Facebook (sometime in the spring), I got caught up in Yoville (silly game a little like Sims or something) and Farm Town (a silly crop-growing game that I became completely obsessed with). After a couple of months, I literally had to block those applications because I was spending HOURS of my day playing them. But did that stop me from sitting at the computer for hours at a time? Of course not…then I discovered Bejeweled Blitz and Farkle………and blogs of course. I find I can waste two or three hours at a time doing just about anything, including reading other people’s blogs.

So, here I sit with four weeks gone from my challenge, that I will never get back, with not enough to show for it. I have to find a way to force myself past my blocks…maybe complete boredom will do the trick! I will allow myself time to read a couple of my favorite blogs, and to write mine of course…otherwise, I will stay off the computer during this week. We’ll see how it plays out.

As for my check-in on goals:

Health - I’m still walking almost an hour 5-6 days a week, which is good, but I didn’t lose a pound this past week, which means I’m eating too many calories. This week I will concentrate on more water and vegies, less bread

Art - I did start a watercolor last week, but didn’t finish it, so I will work on that and do one more this week…hopefully, with all this extra time!

Writing – Not one word did I write on my novel last week, oh goody. I will try harder this week to finish the current chapter.

Memorizing Romans – Actually I’m doing best at this, surprise surprise. I have completely memorized Chapter One (just ask DH), and am a few verses behind, but feeling good about my progress. At least it feels like some accomplishment is happening around here!

 Oh yes, I just remembered I’m making most of my Christmas gifts this year, due to a severe lack of funds, which will also be helped by NOT being on the computer…So let the gameless week begin!

Your poor third child will attend 3 different elementary schools and 2 middle schools…..I would NEVER do that to my child because I know how it feels!

Whatever…

What is your worst trait? What is the negative thing in your personality that you absolutely detest? Come on, now, we all have them. Pride? Fear? Obsession? Anger? Judgment? Control?  What? Well, mine is envy. I am an envious person. Not over everything, just those things that I want desperately for myself. I envy my friend who has written not one, but two novels. I envy my sister who seems to creative art effortlessly, joyfully, uninhibitedly (word?). I envy anyone who is NOT struggling financially right now. I envy self-disciplined and self-motivated people who make up their mind, set a goal and just do it, without all the inner turmoil and fighting with themselves and procrastination and apathy and lethargy.

And I hate it. I hate this about myself. I hate that when someone has something wonderful happen to them, half the time I don’t feel unadulterated joy for them, but have this little green fist squeezing my gut, that little competitive voice saying….”Aaaaaaaaaaaaah, I WANT that! Why can’t I get that???” It’s not that I don’t want THEM to have it, I’ve never felt that, just that I want it too. Me, it’s all about me. Self-centered…another trait I don’t like about myself (there are so many), but I digress…

In the book I’m studying, The Artist’s Way, by Julia Cameron, I just finished reading about this problem. Obviously, it’s a common trait among human beings, and the big problem for “artists” is that in eyeing someone else’s perceived accomplishments, you’re letting yourself get distracted from your own creativity, your own goals. You need to stay focused on your own stuff, not let competition distract and block you. But reading about the problem just smacked me in the face, it hit so close to home. I have a tendency to ignore my own problems and pretend they don’t exist. This wouldn’t let me……very depressing, suffocating, scary.

How do I overcome this? I want to rejoice with those who rejoice, even when it’s something I want too! As Julia reminds me over and over, it’s really not the goal that’s important but the process. Doing the work is the most satisfying part, the act of creation. Stay focused on what I’m doing…

Yesterday…ah, yesterday. I was having my own little pity-party yesterday, after I discovered several more blogs among people I know. I guess what really bothers me is that these are people I know pretty well, so when I told them I was starting a blog, why didn’t I hear, “Oh really, I do one too.” It’s not like it’s any big secret, right? It’s there for the whole public to see…but I discovered them by accident. My feelings were hurt. Whatever…

The other reason I get discouraged is when I read other blogs by people who are REALLY GOOD writers, who are interesting and funny and make even the most mundane moments in their lives something you can’t wait to read about. I fear I will never get to that point. More than anything else, I fear being boring…and my fears are soooo realized.

But my DD and niece are right. I started this for myself, because I have an urge to write and I need a way to make myself more accountable to my year-long goal. It doesn’t matter whether anyone else reads it or not, it doesn’t even matter that it’s completely boring and predictable. I must write, and I will. Who knows, maybe I’ll even get better! Incurable optimist that I am…

Just now, just this very minute, it hit me how many blogs are out there in the blogosphere. Oh. My. Dear. There are probably more blogs than stars in the night sky. I’m overwhelmed by the amount of them. Everybody and their dog has a blog these days…maybe I should just rethink this whole thing. Obviously I’m not being original or anthing…Suddenly I feel very insignificant.