Everyone has habits that they would like to change, and SOME people even manage to change SOME of their bad habits if they really put forth the effort. Most of us go along doing absolutely nothing about our little foibles that we feel, deep down, don’t hurt anybody anyway and besides, they’re kind of endearing in an irritating sort of way! “You love the way I always (fill in your own ickiness here), don’t you?” Of course, they love you………in spite of those bad habits. Don’t kid yourself, they’re not that cute.

At 50, I am at least AWARE of most of my little idiosyncrasies, and some I have managed to alter over the years. Procrastination, however, isn’t one of them. It is the bane of my existence, and I irritate the fire out of MYSELF sometimes, because I’ll think I’m doing better, and BAM – it sneaks up on me again. Let’s take this morning for instance. I had a very vivid and unsettling dream that woke me up at 2AM and I couldn’t get back to sleep (doesn’t really happen too often, therefore I’m only mildly irritated). So I got up and wrote my morning pages, like the good girl that I am. That usually takes 45 minutes to an hour. [I must interject here that I usually get up at 5AM, not because I am a natural very-early bird, but because I have things to do just for myself and if I wait until "real" morning, they never get done and I am cranky all day trying to fit them in. "Morning pages" I learned from the book I'm studying, The Artist's Way, by Julia Cameron. She is my creative mentor at the moment, though she doesn't know it! Anyway, one of the "rules of the road" is that you get up every morning and write your morning pages FIRST THING, while your brain is still groggy. All sorts of interesting things come up when your brain is not fully functioning yet. It's a stream-of-consciousness type writing, you just write whatever is occupying your mind at the moment. It has made such a difference for me.] Okay, back to my procrastination rant. I finished my morning pages and thought, “Hmmmm, what should I do for the next 3 1/2 hours until I go for my walk?” Of course, my first urge is to go on Facebook and play a mindless game of Farkle or Bejewelled for an hour or so, but no…I will do something productive and bring my food diary up-to-date on Med Help (health website…helping me keep track of those healthy habits I’m trying to develop…my daughter and I are doing it together). Great idea!

Here’s where procrastination rears its ugly head and bites my backside. I procrastinate the WORST on things I absolutely loathe doing (like dusting…do NOT come to my house if you have bad dust allergies). And inputing stupid meals on that stupid website (no offense, Med Help) is just one of those things I hate to do! I keep track of everything I eat in a spiral, so I don’t forget…self back-pat – best I’ve ever done in keeping a food journal. But how long had it been since I had transferred my meals to the website diary? Almost 2 WEEKS!! I sat here for almost an hour and a half typing, clicking on foods I eat all the time (e.g. turkey sandwiches) and looking up the nutrition information for stuff I don’t know (just so you know, I couldn’t find any nutritional info for the bean and corn……um salad? chutney? salsa?……that I ate 2 helpings of at the potluck last night…I substituted 4-bean salad, whatever). UGH! And of course, my serpent critic is hissing in my ear, “If you would just take 10 lousy minutes each night before bed, you wouldn’t be sitting here slaving over this stupid thing.” I know, I know! Sheesh, I get it okay? Get off my back!

It’s those little things that really bug me a 4AM………..end of rant.