After my first epiphany (previous post), I wasn’t sure what to do with that information (and in the midst of my pondering this, we made the move to Boise from California). True change in attitude and actions doesn’t happen overnight. The feelings produced by the realization of a wonderful truth, the truth of God’s love for me, clung to me like a warm blanket for several days, weeks. But I didn’t know how this knowledge was going to affect my life. I had always tried to serve the Lord, and I continued to do so. The changes I have undergone since that day have been gradual, but steady.

The first sign of growth came when I became dissatisfied with the status quo of my relationship with God. I’ve always believed that to have a close relationship with God, you have to do a lot more than believe, you have to do a lot more than talk about Him or listen to sermons or show up to worship once or twice a week. Don’t get me wrong, that’s a good start, but it’s just not enough if you want to really be His child and He your Father. I firmly believe that you have to talk to Him on a daily basis, confide in Him, let Him into your heart and mind (like you do with people you love). AND you have to let HIM talk to YOU, through His word…just so you know, I believe with all my heart and mind that His word is the Bible. You can’t know Him until you know what He has to say to you. Okay, that’s all well and good, Ann, but were you doing these things? No. No, I wasn’t. I was lazy and apathetic when it came to Bible study and my prayer life stuttered along; sometimes it would be days between prayers and I would remember with a guilty start that I hadn’t talked to the Lord in quite a while. I don’t treat my husband that way, or my children, or close friends. But the most important relationship in my life was languishing, the “person” I said I loved more than anything was shoved to the back of the line when it came to spending my precious time every day. (And of course I knew that if I delved into what HE had to say to me, I might have to change……ugh, not CHANGE, not that. Not put forth any effort…that requires energy and THAT might pull me out of myself, out of my apathy.)

But I knew I NEEDED to change that. But how? How do I start? What can I do to build better study habits? I stepped out of my shell that had been building around me for quite a while, and in what was a very brave moment for me, walked up to a woman at church (who was just starting to become my friend, but I knew was a diligent and spiritual person), and asked her if she would become my “study buddy”. As simple as that. Yeah, it sounds simple, but that one question was literally the turning point in my relationship with my God. Because she immediately said, “Yes, I would love that,” and we began a routine. We talked on the phone every morning bright and early, and told each other what our goal for the day was. This always included (at the very least) a Bible study goal and a “good work” goal, because we both wanted to grow in service to the Lord and our Christian family. Sometimes we would add another goal for the day that was something we were trying to accomplish. It started out very simple, like…”Okay, today I’m going to read two chapters in Romans and send a card to Mary, who’s been sick this week. What are you going to do?” Then the next morning we would check with each other to see if we accomplished our goal, and set another one for the day. Baby steps. It was a way to stay focused, and we had each other to be accountable to which really helped us both. And I’ll admit it, my friend “D” is a much more self-motivated, self-disciplined person than I am (the Lord has surrounded me with these types of people for my own good, I know…my sister, my husband, my daughter, now this good friend, all gently show me how to be better in a weak area), and many times she accomplished her goal and I didn’t, which made me feel a little guilty, but it’s all good…it’s a growing process and I’m growing, I think that’s all the Lord asks of us. Just keep growing, keep heading in the right direction! Don’t give up, don’t lose heart…

That one little daily routine has helped me in so many ways! It eventually evolved into a blog study that we’re doing with several other women, which has been ongoing for about 2 years. I can honestly say that I have done more continuous and sustained reading and studying of scripture in these last 3 years, than I have in a loooooooong time. It just feels so good to have that consistency in my life, that anchor for my soul. As a result of allowing God to talk to me regularly, I have been much more consistent in my communing with Him too. It feels like a real relationship, a real fellowship, more satisfying than any other one in my life, just the way it should be…

to be continued…