What are your goals? Where do you see yourself in a year….five years….ten years? Do you have goals? How do you plan to reach them? What’s important to you? What do you want to achieve? What do you want to do with your life? These are all questions I have asked myself over the years, and my answers have been, well, nebulous at best. My path to my goals have usually been winding and haphazard. For example, when I was in high school I knew I wanted to go to college (mostly because my mother was pretty insistent about it, so I assumed that was the thing to do), but I had absolutely no idea what I wanted to “be”. Once I got to college, I realized that all I really wanted was to be a wife and mother. Nobody informed me that you can have more than one goal (and I’ve always been rather single-minded…not much of a multitasker).

When I reached my goal of being a homemaker, wife and mother, I was happy with those roles, but still felt like something was missing. As my time was filled with all the tasks that go along with that life, I didn’t have much time left over for ”art” (and didn’t realize yet that creating was that important to me…that came later). Oh, I “feathered my nest”, made costumes, decorated cakes, made stuff for Bible classes. I found ways to be creative, but I also wasted LOTS of time with with all kinds of time-sucks. One of my few real regrets in this life is how much time I’ve wasted….I mean thousands of hours doing NOTHING worth anything. Sigh….anyway.

I feel that I have mostly stumbled my way through my life, having worthwhile goals in mind, but no clear-cut path to reach them, like raising my kids to be mature adults who love the Lord and strive to serve Him…I always prayed fervently that my children would grow up to be Christians in spite of me, because I knew I wasn’t perfect and had no idea if I was raising them “correctly” or not. Praise the Lord for hearing and answering those prayers!

All that stuff is a round-about way to say this. I want to change how I operate my life. I’m almost 53 years old, and I am going to make better use of my time. Oh, I know myself well enough to know that I will never be 100% efficient, I can’t completely change who I am. But I can develop new habits and be more productive. I  can find a way to stop wasting so much time. Next, I’ll tell you all about what I plan to accomplish in 2012….it’s quite a list….and how I plan to get there!

I am a goal setter. I have trouble getting motivated and setting goals is one way for me to feel like I’m working toward something, that I’m moving forward with my life and not just floating through it, letting circumstances and other people dictate my actions (and mood). And sharing those goals is a way of feeling at least some outside pressure to accomplish them. Self-motivation has never been my strong suit. I have learned to compensate for my weakness in this area by “tricking” myself into reaching for my goals. I’m taking a pottery class (my second) right now, which achieves several things. It forces me to do something creative which I have a tendency to put off, using “life” as an excuse not to do something for myself. It gets me out of the house for a few hours each week and away from family pressures, so that I can lose myself in something other than the same stuff all the time. It puts me in a position to be around outside people so that I’m not just talking to toddlers all the time! (slight exaggeration). In other words, a good thing.

January 1 is one of my favorite days of the year, because it feels like a clean slate. Whatever I did or didn’t do last year is past and I get to start again with new ideas and new goals. In 2011, I had about 7 or 8 goals I was working toward, some easy, some not so much, and I accomplished 3 that I can think of off the top of my head. I finished the first draft of my first novel (a BIGGIE), I was accepted and registered at Boise State University (even though I didn’t get to actually attend because of circumstances over which I had no control, I still accomplished that), and learning to play the Ukulele (not very well, but I accomplished the goal of being able to play a couple of Xmas songs for my family). BUT…in other ways I failed miserably. Like the fact that I had the goal of painting 26 watercolors (one every 2 weeks, a very doable goal), and I didn’t paint a single painting….not ONE. In fact, up until this last week I hadn’t painted anything in almost 2 years. (a separate issue of the paralyzing fear of failure….I’ll address that another time) Losing weight and memorizing scripture from the Bible were 2 other big fat failures.

But, you see, last year is over. A new year has begun. I get to start again! That makes me very happy. I keep in mind that I did accomplish something, and try to learn from the failures. I thought long and hard about goal-setting and how to accomplish them, and I have decided to take a more “intensive” approach this year. My biggest goal for the year is FOCUS and SELF-CONTROL. This is my mantra for the year. All other goals will be under this umbrella.

You might be wondering how I plan to accomplish THIS goal, since I have struggled with these very concepts my whole life. A lack of focus and self-control have plagued me always…..always. Attention Deficit Disorder is a term that I feel strongly is over-used and over-diagnosed these days OR it’s so prevalent because of TV and video games and fast-paced everything that it’s an epidemic among children and adults….whatever. All I know is that I have been in my own world and a daydreamer as long as I can remember.  I was always able to concentrate when I absolutely had to, in classes and such, but otherwise I was often in Lala-land. Ask anyone in my family….being in my own little world is very common with me…I have a wonderful ability to tune out everything and everyone (sometimes that’s NOT so wonderful). I’ve been hearing, “Earth to Ann!” my whole life. Now this could be an “artistic temperament” or ADD or just habit. Any label given, it is deeply ingrained in me……and I want to change it. I want to be able to hold focus and have the self-control to do what I really want to do. Thus, the mantra.

“Okay,” you might be wondering, “How do you plan to change a lifetime of the  inability to get anything done?” Ah, yes, that’s the important question. I plan to change my habits! I’ll get into it more next time….

Now that Carly has wrapped up her first adventure, I will admit I’m anxious to start another right away. But I’m going to keep everyone (including myself) in suspense for a while. When I started a blog (again), I never intended it to be strictly a vehicle for Carly Boone. I wanted to write, but not just fiction. I’d like to share. I’d like to inform. I’d like to have a dialogue with people. So far, even though I know there are several people reading my Carly segments, my daughter is the only one who comments….so I’m not sure a dialogue will work. But I still want to give it a try. So, at least once or twice a week I plan to write whatever happens to be on my mind. You may like it, you may not, we’ll see. But please stay tuned…..at the very least, Carly will be back soon! Check in once in a while and see what’s going on in Annie’s head (hehehe…inside joke).

8/8 (final)

I won’t keep myself wondering….it was Gray (not too big a surprise, although I was nervous about what he might want). I went downstairs without even checking to see how much make-up had worn off after the long day (not that I didn’t care…I was just too tired to think of it…after seeing myself in the bathroom mirror just now, I’m surprised he didn’t run screaming out the back door). When I got to the first floor, I heard voices in the kitchen and turned in that direction. Mom had put Gray at the kitchen table with a piece of birthday cake and a glass of iced tea. When Gray saw me hovering in the doorway, he half stood until I came near the table and hovered there (his mom would be proud). Mom made herself scarce and went back to the living room with Dad, but not before giving me a curious glance.

I sat kind of on the edge of the chair across the table from Gray, uncomfortable. I had no idea what to say….apparently, neither did he. He was fiddling with the frosting on the cake with his fork, and taking small sips of tea. Suddenly, my mouth felt really dry and I got up to get a bottle of water from the fridge. Gray looked up, startled, and I could tell by the look on his face, he half thought I was going to run off (again). When I sat back down with the water, the look of relief on his face was almost funny. We sat there for a couple more minutes, and I decided someone needed to break the ice and talk….apparently, so did he.

Me: I was wondering…
Gray: (at the same time) Look, I’m really…(we look each other in the face for the first time)
Me: Oh, sorry. Go ahead.
Gray: No, that’s okay, you go first.
Me: (with a sigh) Well, I guess somebody has to. Okay….I have been wondering why you didn’t answer my email after I explained, or at least tried to, about the mix-up with Cooper. I mean, you didn’t even write back to say you didn’t understand, or you didn’t care, or “leave me alone”. Nothing. I kept looking for something for weeks, then I just kind of gave up on it.
Gray: (looking back down at his slightly ruined piece of cake) I don’t have a good answer for that. It’s really hard to describe how I felt when I got that email from Jon, talking about Calloway asking about you, flirting with you. There I was up in the middle of nowhere a thousand miles away, busting my butt all day long, falling in bed at night worn out, trying to prove myself to my uncle and all those older guys who had all been doing that work for at least 5 years or more. I felt pretty helpless to do anything about that email. It’s not like I could just pick up the phone or use the computer any time I felt like it, and whenever I did, there was always a couple of other guys waiting to use it right after me. I wanted to rush back here and stake my claim or something, to protect what was mine, and I couldn’t do that. (he glances up and I kind of smirk at that last part) I know, I know, it sounds stupid and you didn’t belong to me….it’s a guy thing. And then I got your email, which was just fine by the way, and it made me feel good, but at the same time it made me feel guilty. I hadn’t even thought about some other guy liking you, and it seemed wrong to make you sit around and wait for me when you could be having fun with somebody else. I was trying to think of the right thing to say, but I kept putting it off until I just didn’t say anything at all. I know it was a chicken way out, and I am so sorry. It’s not a very good excuse, but you’re the first girl I’ve ever liked. I guess I haven’t been too hot at the boyfriend thing.
Me: (trying not to react to that last part yet, I look down at the bottle of water I’m holding and start peeling the label, just to have something to do with my hands) Then why did you agree to surprising me like that? I was totally shocked and embarrassed. I didn’t even know you were getting back earlier. (I kind of peek at him from under my lashes and he’s watching my hands peel the label….he turns red)
Gray: I am really sorry about that too…really. I got back last night, because my parents got my ticket changed. They decided that coming in Sunday night would make me too tired for band camp starting early Monday morning. Jon told Sophie, and she called me before I left Montana with this “great idea.” (he makes quotation marks in the air) I wasn’t sure it was a good idea at all…I wanted to come over right after I got home, so we could talk…but Sophie insisted that the surprise was better…I figured she knows you better than me. That girl is impossible to say “no” to.
Me: (I give a small snort) Tell me about it. I just wanted to have a sleepover party for my birthday, and you saw how I got my way on that one. The only person who can say “no” to Sophie is her mother…even her dad is totally wrapped around her pinkie.
Gray: According to Sophie, you’re the one who can make her see it when her great ideas are really terrible ones. But this time she didn’t have you as the voice of reason, since you were the object of the surprise. She feels awful, by the way. She’s really kicking herself over the whole thing.
Me: (small smile) I know. We talked for a minute. I’m over it, but I’ll pretend to be really mad for a few days and make her suffer a little longer. (we sit silent for a few minutes)
Gray: (hesitantly) I had a talk with Calloway.
Me: (nodding) He told me.
Gray: (cocks his head to the side) What did he say?
Me: (I wasn’t going to tell him everything Cooper said…not yet anyway) Not much, just that you’re a nice guy.
Gray: He seemed okay too.
Me: He is. In fact, I think the two of you could become good friends.
Gray: (taking a gulp of his iced tea) Maybe, but that could be tough, seeing as we’re crazy about the same girl.
Me: (okay, my hearts thump a little…I didn’t know what to say to that…to stall for a moment I take a sip of my water) Um, what makes you say that?
Gray: (catching and holding my gaze) I asked him. He said he likes you, but that he didn’t want to try to break us up, if we like each other.
Me: (gulp) Oh. And what did you say? (I’m not sure whether I want to know or not)
Gray: (smiling that wonderful sweet smile that I’ve missed so much) I said that I’ve been a big jerk, but that I am planning to do everything I can to get you to be my girlfriend again.
Me: (now my heart is pounding….that explains what Cooper told me, and it suddenly becomes crystal clear to me what I want….no doubt….I want Gray….but I’m not quite ready) Oh? (is this the best I can do??)
Gray: Absolutely. (looking worried, but somewhat hopeful) So what do you think?
Me: (suddenly feeling that girl-power that comes from being pursued by a male…..that wanting, just a tiny bit, to make them suffer….I look at him under my lashes again) What do I think about what?
Gray: (small groan….but then a smile) Really? You’re really going to make me spell it out?
Me: (looking back down at my hands) Yes, I think I am. (wow…when did I become a tease?)
Gray: (deep breath….he reaches across the table and takes the water bottle out of my hands, then covers them both with his larger, and now calloused, one) Carly Boone, I have been a huge jerk this summer. I’m sorry and I hope you’ll forgive me. I like you very much. Will you please be my girlfriend? Not just sort-of, but for real.
Me: (heart swelling, but still…..not quite there) I like you too, and I have forgiven you, but I’m not sure.
Gray: (a look of doubt in his eyes) What? What is it? What else can I say or do?
Me: (looking right into his eyes) I want…..I need for you to trust me. I need you to know that if I say it’s you I like, then that’s it. I will always be honest with you about my feelings.
Gray: (a relieved smile this time) I think I can do that. I will try to be open with you. And I’ll work on the whole boyfriend thing.
Me: (I smile then and turn one hand over and grip his back, once again I’m so glad I can’t read his mind) Okay then. Yes, Gray, I will be your girlfriend (my heart is soaring….I haven’t felt this wonderful since…….well, since yesterday….it WAS an excellent birthday, after all)
Gray: (giving my hand a squeeze, then pulling away to fiddle with something on the floor beside him…and mimicking me) Okay then. In that case, I can give you your birthday present. (a sheepish grin) I wrapped it myself. (he pulls out a medium-sized gift, wrapped….um….interestingly….in an old cotton plaid shirt, bunched at the top and tied with one of those string ties that cowboys wear….actually kind of cute) I had to get creative, I couldn’t find the wrapping paper and didn’t want to ask my mom. (he adds hastily) The shirt’s clean.
Me: (feeling so happy, I can hardly think straight) Um, that’s good. Do I get to keep it?
Gray: (raised eyebrows in surprise) The shirt? Uh, sure, I guess. Why would you want an old work shirt?
Me: Is it yours? Did you wear it to work on the ranch?
Gray: (still a puzzled expression) Yeah, that’s why it’s so worn.
Me: Then I want it, just ‘cuz. (I start opening the gift, ignoring his shake of the head…wrapped in the shirt are actually two boxes….one box with a brand new Cowgirl Barbie, complete with a whole ranch outfit, vest, hat, chaps, boots and all….the other box has a horse, bridle and saddle, with a lasso and canteen attached to the sides) Oh....(I’m speechless)
Gray: (talking fast) I know it’s a doll and kind of…well…juvenile…but I saw it in a toy store a few weeks ago and just thought of you. I knew it, it’s dumb, right?
Me: (looking back up into his face) You’ve had this for a few weeks?
Gray: (turning red) Well, yeah. I was kind of hoping, even then. And let me tell you, it was impossible to get those boxes into my suitcases with all my stuff. I had to put them in my backpack and just hope nobody would notice them!
Me: (totally and completely melting…I feel a smile covering my whole face) They’re perfect. I love them (in my head I’m already thinking about a name for her…..Carly Cowgirl maybe??).
Gray: (huffs out a breath, relieved) Oh good….because I would be even more embarrassed to take it back than I was buying it! (I suddenly try hard to stifle a huge yawn, and can’t quite hide it, although I really try) Oops, sorry! I’ve kept you up too long. I know you’re really tired, so I’ll get going.
Me: (we both stand up and I wish the visit could keep going, but I’m suddenly dead on my feet) Okay. I guess that’s a good idea. I am feeling pretty wiped out. Thanks for Barbie, she’s great.
Gray: I’m glad you like her.
Mom: (sticking her head in the door) Gray, your dad is here. He’s waiting in the car.
Gray: Thanks, Mrs. Boone. (Mom retreats again)
Me: (feeling rather pleased with myself….and mischievous) You know…..you might want to think this whole girlfriend thing through. I mean, you’re starting high school in a few weeks. There’s going to be lots of pretty girls available, and you’ll probably want to be free to play the field.
Gray: (strokes his chin and plays along…a little too well, I think) You know, I hadn’t thought of that. You have an excellent point! Is it too late to change my mind?
Me: (with a frown and a pouty mouth, I tuck my hand in the crook of his arm, actually feeling….confident! Even though he had to tell me how he feels and I can’t read his mind, I believe him) Yes, it is! You’re off the market now, buster….and don’t you forget it. You’re my arm candy until I get tired of you and callously toss you aside for someone better looking.
Gray: (big grin, dimple winking, and a hand over mine) I think I can tolerate that.

We walked down the hall and by the living room, where Mom and Dad were sitting watching TV. We stopped at the front door, and I pulled it open. We stood there for a moment, just looking at each other with (I’m sure) dopey grins on our faces, then he leaned down and planted one right on my……cheek! Hey, I’m only 14, and my parents were sitting there watching the whole thing. Duh.

Gray: (as his lips lightly brush my blush!) Happy birthday, Carly. Talk to you tomorrow, okay?
Me: (feeling like I could just BUST, but hey….I don’t want to scare the guy, so I try to act casual) That would be cool.

Then he trotted down the driveway to his dad’s car, and waved out his window as they pulled away. You know that birthday wish that just popped into my head, that I made without letting myself think about it? It just came true. Imagine that.

8/8 (even more)

Yes, I accepted Cooper’s “hand of friendship”….hehe. After we talked for a few more minutes, I felt calm enough to head back to the party (no matter how upset I was, I knew the guest of honor shouldn’t do a disappearing act). How was it possible to have this nice warm feeling about Cooper, and at the same time still be so angry with Sophie and Gray? We saw that Dad had just started serving the burgers and dogs, so I headed over to where Mom was overseeing the food table. She handed me a plate with a burger on it, and at the same time cupped my cheek with her hand….are you okay?….you look tired….do you want to talk about that surprise…..I didn’t know about Gray being here today… I just gave a small smile and a shake of the head, and Mom got the message…not now.

Smelling the burgers and dogs cooking, made me realize how starved I was. My stomach was growling loudly, so I took my plate and went to sit across from Heather and Tessa. I could tell by the surprised looks from them, that I was wolfing the burger rather ravenously, but I didn’t care at that point. Yes, that was definitely better. I started to get up to go get more food, suddenly Cooper came up behind me, and pushed me back down by the shoulder and took my plate out of my hand with the other.

Cooper: (huge cheeky grin on his face) Birthday princess, have you forgotten your humble birthday slave? You do not need to lift a finger, just tell me your wish.
Me: (feeling much better with a burger in my belly….and just a little mean) You lazy boy, where HAVE you been? Bring me a hotdog with mustard and ketchup, a little cheese and no relish, a handful of barbeque chips, potato salad, and a watermelon wedge. Oh, and some Dr. Pepper over ice, and make it snappy (I attempt a haughty sniff, which turns into a snicker and a snort).
Cooper: (winks at Heather, causing her to blush furiously) Yes, your highness. Your every whim is my command.

He gave a deep bow, left with a flourish of my plate like a waiter. Heather and Tessa watched him go, then turned their eyes in unison back to me, to stare with wide eyes. I just grinned and said nothing. Cooper was back in record time, with Matt in tow, who sat down next to me and elbowed me right when I was taking my first bite of hotdog, causing me to smear mustard across my cheek…brothers! So much for being a birthday princess. After Cooper got himself a plate and a drink, they sat on either side of me, teasing and being “royal” pains…hyuk-hyuk. They both talked and laughed with Heather and Tessa too, and we were having a very nice time, until I happened to glance around the tables and saw Jon, Sophie, and Gray sitting kind of off by themselves, talking seriously with their heads together. Sophie glanced over at me and said something, then Gray turned his head and looked at me too. Suddenly, I wasn’t hungry anymore, in fact I was just a little nauseated.

They were obviously talking about me. I wondered what they were saying. I was sure Gray was regretting coming to the party. SO WHAT??? I’m still mad, remember? I don’t care what he’s feeling….

I decided it was a good time for me to mingle with my guests, like I should. So I went around chatting and laughing with everybody there. I made a game out of saying the word “birthday” as many times as I could fit into the conversation, even when it made no sense, just to see who would catch me. It amazed me how many people had completely forgotten about the game (not such a winner with that one, eh Sophie? Okay I know….just being snotty). A few were on the ball, and I was able to get all of their stickers, but some didn’t catch on until I had said it 3 or 4 times. I had fun with it though, and ended up with stickers all over my shirt and shorts….and arms….and legs. I glanced over at my parents once and got an approving nod from Mom (yes, Mom, I’m a good birthday girl).

Soon it was time to cut the cake and they lit the candles and everyone sang the birthday song for me. I thought intensely for a moment about a birthday wish, then blew out the candles. That wish was seriously the first thing that popped into my head, and afterward I felt very embarrassed about it, but I refused to dwell on it at the time. No, I’m not going to write here what it was….that would be telling, I’m sure, and I still don’t want to jinx it…just in case.

After cake, Sophie had everyone gather around to watch me open presents (hardest part of the afternoon for me!). After I opened a couple, I realized that they were mostly gag gifts, which helped me relax a little…..it wasn’t going to be all serious or anything…..whew. I got a plastic flute from one of the other flute players and a huge pair of dark glasses to cover my black eyes (that was from Cooper…cute) Matt gave me a little remote control car that no matter how you crash it, it will flip over right side up again (that one got the biggest laugh). Mom and Dad gave me a toy lawnmower that blows bubbles when you push it….haha. Mom told me to look underneath, and taped to the bottom was a nice manicure set and about a dozen bottles of nail polish in all colors. I laughed, “Oh great, now I’ll have colorful nails while I push a mow lawns”…another laugh. Mixed in with all the funny stuff, there were a bunch of cards with gift cards in them (YAY! Shopping!!)

The last gift was a bigger box wrapped in paper matching the décor, so I knew it was from Sophie. I told myself I was still mad at her, but when I opened the box, that dried up and blew away with the breeze. She bought me a dozen pairs of pretty flip-flops in a rainbow of colors. But that’s not all. These were the all the pairs that I had been drooling over all summer from five or six different stores, but was too strict with my money to part with it….even if she got most of them on sale, it must have put her back up to $100 of her hard-earned babysitting money. I was speechless. There was a little note saying, “…So you’ll have a pair for every outfit.” As I tried hard not to get choked up, I went around the table and gave her a big hug.

Me: (whispering in her ear) They’re perfect…but I’m still mad at you. You’re not getting off that easy.
Sophie: (in my head) I know, I don’t want to. I’m soooo sorry, and I’ll totally grovel later, okay?
Me: Okay, you better. (We pull back and smile a little)

I got everyone’s attention and made a little speech (YES, ME!!!), thanking them all for coming and making my birthday so special, and for being such good friends…round of applause. That earned me another approving look from my parents…I’m really racking up the brownie points today!

Then the sun dropped below the treeline and it was time to clean up. Most of my friends helped with it, and no one would let me lift a finger (that’s probably a good thing, because I was starting to feel so tired). As soon as we got home, I started writing this, because I can tell it’s going to be another early-to-bed night for me. I am wiped out.

Mom just knocked and said I have a guest downstairs….sigh. Wonder who that could be…I have a guess.

8/8 (more)

The suspense is killing me! What happened next?? Ha, I got carried away. I already know what happened next. Oh yes, it just got better from there, didn’t it?

There was Gray, standing right in front of me, big as life, and twice as cute. He only wasted two seconds staring back at me (while our team was screaming at him to HURRY UP), then he quickly donned the clothes in the bag. I must admit he had a totally unfair advantage, since half of the items he had been wearing all summer (at least he sure put them on like he knew what he was doing….and even looked the way I had fantasized pictured in my head…..except for the stupid hat and the lipstick, of course). Anyway, we won the game, but since I walked away while everyone was cheering, I have no idea what the prize was.

I had so many strong emotions churning in my head and heart, that for a few minutes I couldn’t sort them out. I walked down to a quiet spot on the little lake and just stood at the edge with my arms crossed over my chest, staring at the sparkle of the late afternoon sun on the water. My first thought was…What is he doing home? He’s not supposed to be back until late tomorrow night….followed quickly by…..What is he doing at my party? How did he even know about it?….Huh, that was a no-brainer….Sophie. She must have found out through Jon that Gray was going to be home a day earlier and invited him to come today. That explained why she was insisting the party be today and not yesterday. Come to think of it, she’s been pretty careful not to let me touch her the last couple of weeks (except when she wants to tell me something silently, that is). Secrets….that girl has kept a major secret from me, but why? Why would she do that? She had some major explaining to do. I supposed the next question had to be…Why did he come? Why did he go along with her plan?….He could have just said, No thank you, Sophie. I don’t think that’s a thing I would like to do.

All that turmoil of hurt and embarrassment and confusion, solidified into one emotion that I felt strongly above all the others….anger. I was so angry with Gray for rejecting and hurting me that if he had been standing in front of me at that moment, I think I would have punched him in that cute face of his (if I could reach it). I no longer wanted to see him or talk to him, even though that’s what I’ve been longing for, for so many weeks. I was about as angry as I’ve ever been, and I was really angry with Sophie too. I so wanted to tell her off, but I knew I probably wouldn’t get the chance until after the party. The steam was seeping out of my ears……I could wait. [side note: I realize now that some of those strong emotions were from the concussion....it was one of the aftereffects mentioned in the pamphlet....very strong emotions, some of them inappropriate to the circumstances even]

As I stood there seething, I heard the crack of twigs as someone came up behind me. I glanced back to see that it was Cooper, more unsure of himself than I’ve ever seen him, slowly walking toward me with his hands stuffed in his cargo shorts pockets.

Me: (turning back to the water) Go away, okay? I really don’t feel like talking right now.
Cooper: (talking softly, like I’m a skittish horse or something) I’m yours for the day, remember? I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.
Me: (refusing to look at him as he joins me in looking at the water) I’m fine. Go back and tell my parents I’m fine, and I’ll be back in a few minutes. I just need a little time to myself.
Cooper: (I guess he’s going to ignore what I want….so much for being the master today) I talked for a bit with Gray. He seems like a really nice guy. I can see why you like him so much.
Me: (cutting my narrowed eyes his way briefly) Why did you talk to him? I don’t like Gray. Gray who?
Cooper: (small sigh) Look, Jon told me about you and Gray, but I ignored him, so I guess some of this mess is my fault. But I don’t regret trying to get to know you this summer. (he turns to face me and puts his hand on my shoulder, gently turns me so I’m facing him…I watch the front of his shirt) I’ll just come out and say it…I like you Carly. I think you’re cute and funny, and I’d like to know more of whatever goes on in that quirky head of yours. And I’m happy just to be friends with you, if that’s all you want, or until you figure out if you still want to be Gray’s girlfriend. (I look up into his face, and he’s not wearing that mischievous grin, just a nice smile)
Me: (still frowning) I don’t think that’s up to me.
Cooper: Hmmm. I think you’re wrong about that, but you’ll have to have that conversation with Gray. (I give a small snort) Anyway, I’m not going anywhere. What do you say? Friends? (he sticks out his hand, like he did on July the fourth)

I looked at his face for a moment, with that sincere smile that I haven’t seen much of, then I glanced down at his hand. In that instant I decided to take a chance on a friendship, just a friendship for now…and I put my hand in his…….I thought she was gonna leave me hanging again….soft hands….sad eyes….cute freckles…..how can I get her to smile…..what’s going on in that closed brain of hers….I want her trust…..and a warm feeling. I don’t think I can describe it any better than that. He has a warm and comforting feeling toward me.

Me: (smiling) Yes, Cooper, we can be friends.

I’ll relate the brutal and gruesome murders of Sophie and Gray (JK) after my shower.

8/8

Today was THE day, party day. My stomach was in a nervous knot all day. I kept thinking, “Why did I let Sophie plan this, why did I let Sophie talk me into this?” I don’t have a very good answer for that question….I really need to grow a backbone around that girl. But I knew it was too late to make a stink about it, so I did my best to steel myself for all the attention I was going to get. Still, I didn’t eat all day, I was just too nervous….but I drank water like crazy. Nervous stress makes me thirsty!

I got a shocking idea around lunchtime that did nothing for my nervous stomach. Why would EVERYBODY say they were coming? Think about it…nobody’s out of town? Nobody has to work? I realized that several of them were probably coming just to hang out with the famous (for the moment) girl(s) who survived the kidnapping and the flipping car. Ewww. I really hoped there would be at least a few people there who are just my friends. So I started thinking about that……Sophie….Heather….Sammie……Kelly….Jon…..Cooper?……
Tessa…they (and others) all liked me before the flipping car went viral on Youtube, right? Absolutely. I’ll just make sure I’m with one of them all afternoon. That made me feel better. No matter who comes and acts like a jerk or asks stupid questions, my family will be there and so will my friends. Good.

It turned out to be a nice day and a great party….mostly. The party started at about 4, since we wanted to barbeque and the park closes at dusk (and my parents knew I was still tired from yesterday and didn’t want me to totally overdo it two days in a row…..sheesh). Sophie already had the pavilion decorated with two of my favorite colors, hot pink and aqua, with balloons and streamers, paper tablecloths, confetti, and some really cool tissue balls that were hanging from the rafters (I have NO idea how she got them up there). She had put disposable cameras on all the tables for the guests to take pictures for me and also construction paper and markers so they can make silly signs and messages to me, to be in the pictures with them….can’t wait to see those. Mom showed me the cake she had ordered from our favorite bakery…it was a hot pink cell phone with my picture on the screen! So cool! Even better was the flavor, chocolate cake with a peanut butter cream filling….aaahhhhhhh.

Dad started the charcoal, so that could be heating up, and the “partyers” started showing up, some of them from the lake where they had gone earlier to swim. I hadn’t really paid attention to the guest list…..in fact, I don’t remember ever seeing the guest list. That makes more sense now….but I’ll get back to that later. Cooper was one of the first to come, since he was just coming from the snack bar, and he made a beeline for me as I sat in a lawn chair (Mom kept making me sit down, so I wouldn’t get exhausted).

Cooper: (cute grin, eyes dancing) Hey, birthday girl! How are you feeling?
Me: (slight blush under the concealing make-up) Better. I wanted to thank you for the flowers. They were so pretty and they lasted all week. I was kind of loopy in the hospital, and I was afraid that I forgot say thank you. (I make an effort to look right in his eyes and smile)
Cooper: (kind of catches his breath) I’m glad you liked them. Wow, you look great. It’s almost impossible to see any sign of the banged up girl from the hospital.
Me: (rolling my eyes) Lots of make-up (thank you, dear MOM).
Cooper: (head cocked slightly) Did you do something different to your hair?
Me: (smiling gets easier) Yeah, a little something….for my birthday.
Cooper: (squinting, but still grinning) It looks like….well, your hair kind of glows. It’s really nice.
Me: (ducking my head, but I can’t help grinning) Thanks again. So how long do you get to hang out with us?
Cooper: (a mischievous grin this time) I begged and pleaded and Dad finally agreed to let me have the rest of the day off. I’m all yours, birthday girl.
Me: (much deeper blush this time, but I do my best to ignore it) Mine, huh? Okay, birthday slave….go see if there’s anything Sophie needs help with. Nobody will let me lift a finger.
Cooper: (with mock serious face and a deep bow, until those chocolate eyes are level with mine) I’m yours to command, Princess. (I do my best to give him a regal nod, but spoil it with a snicker)

Wow. As he walked away to check with Sophie, my heart was fluttering and I felt a little lightheaded, and I don’t think it had anything to do with the concussion. That boy is just too cute for his own good.

People started showing up for real, and almost everyone came up to me right away to say “happy birthday” and ask how I was doing. I made a game of saying something different to every person, so I wouldn’t be boring or get tired of saying “fine” or “better”…..How are you doing? Marvelous, fantastic, fabulous, great, pampered, spoiled, improving, getting stronger, getting cabin fever, happy to be alive, glad to be here today, enjoying the fresh air, etc…..Sophie actually did invite almost everyone I know, including those friends of Jon and Gray’s, Evan, Matt, and Chase (the ones we hung out with at the mall….seems like forever ago). A bunch of band friends, some church friends, some general school friends, a few sets of parents that are good friends with my parents. When Heather showed up, we talked for a few minutes and I signed her cast. We figured out pretty quick that the two of us sitting together attracted even more attention from the general public (the word spread quickly who was having a party, and people from the beach would “casually” stroll by, craning their necks to get a glimpse of either one of us), so without really planning it we kind of kept our distance from each other for a lot of the party. I was able to mostly tune out the extra unwanted attention.

Once Dad started cooking the burgers and dogs, Sophie had a few games for the rest of us. First she said we were going to play “Ain’t no flies on me”…..never heard of it. Each of us got 3 stickers, with a picture of a fly on each of them, stuck to our shirts. We had to try to get rid of our stickers by catching someone else saying the “taboo” word, which was “birthday”. When you caught someone saying the taboo word, they had to take one of your stickers. We had until the presents were opened to play the game and anyone who got rid of all their stickers would get a prize. Sounded easy enough! Cooper immediately started saying “first appearance day” and Jon was using “date of arrival” (as in, “Happy Date of Arrival, Carly!”). They’re a crack-up.

The next game was an ice breaker, where everyone (but me and Heather) had to take off their shoes and put them in a big pile, then when Sophie blew the whistle everyone had to find their own shoes and put them back on. The first person to accomplish it was the winner. That was total chaos, and so funny. I think Jon won, because his feet are so big and he was wearing bright orange flipflops….easy to spot!

The last game was called “Clothing Relay”. We had 3 teams with 8 people each (Heather still couldn’t play this one with a broken arm, but Mom let me do it….and Sophie wanted to play too, so Heather was the referee). Each team was given a bag of six clothing items (one of them being a tube of lipstick….hehe) and the first person had to put on all the items as quickly as possible, take them off again and put them back in the bag, then hand the bag to the next person on their team. The first team to finish wins. The parents stood around and took lots of pictures, which is probably the best part. I don’t know where Sophie found the clothes she used, but there was a BIG baggy pair of pants in one bag, with a clown wig and size 18 shoes (at least). Another bag had a large leotard and a tutu with a set of angel wings and a tiara, among other things. The third bag was cowboy themed (thanks for that little reminder, Sophie), with a 10-gallon hat, a vest, chaps, a leather belt with a huge rodeo belt buckle. This is the bag our team happened to get (not sure if that was a coincidence….doubt it).

I didn’t pay that much attention to who was on our team, other than the fact that Cooper was standing right in front of me on my team. I was last, but Sophie said there was one more coming who’d get behind me. Heather blew the whistle, then it was noisy pandemonium. I was holding my sides with tears streaming down my face watching everyone trying to get these weird and awkward pieces of clothing on and ending it with red lipstick on their faces….then stripping it off as quick as they could and stuffing it back in the bag. Of course, the guys were funniest, but Tessa was a riot. Every time she’d mess up, she’d give this little squeak which would make us all laugh even harder. By the time it got to Cooper, our team was in the lead (barely) so I tried to stop laughing long enough to watch how he got the stuff on and off again. My turn came, and I had a particularly hard time, since I’m so small. The chaps and the belt were so big I had to spread my legs way apart to keep them from falling off while I put on the other stuff. People on my team and the other two were laughing their faces off. Finally I got the lipstick on and started to take everything off, shoving it back into the bag as fast as I could. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see the other two teams neck and neck with me and knew it would be a real race among the last three people. I grabbed the bag and whirled around, shoving it into the stomach of the person behind me, and looking up, I stared into a familiar face, with a pair of mossy green eyes and a very sweet smile with one dimple. Gray Weber was home.

Oops, my new CELL PHONE is ringing…..BRB.

8/7

It’s my birthday…..yeah, yeah…..it’s my birthday……yeah, yeah. I feel soooo much older (at least my aches and pains tell me I am) . Mom made me get up this morning and says we’re going somewhere. Hmmmmm. A surprise. I LOVE surprises (most of the time anyway). Woohooooo! Catch you later!

WHAT a day! The perfect day….I LOVE being 14! I don’t even care now how uncomfortable or embarrassing my party will be for me. Today was a great birthday. Okay, first Mom told me to dress comfortable, then she took time to cover my ickiness really well. Of course, the black eyes have started to fade, but she made it where you could barely tell there was anything wrong! I was very relieved. Then Sophie showed up and Mom said she was spending the day with us. Woohoo! So, turns out it was a whole “girls’ day out” kind of thing. First, Mom took us to IHOP for breakfast, yummm. I got the strawberry crepes, as usual. Then we stopped by Starbucks and got Frappacinos, which we took with us to get mani/pedis!!! My first ever!!! Mom even offered to let me get fake nails! But I thought it would make it harder to play the flute so I turned that down, but I got hot pink polish on fingers and toes, and have decided that a pedicure is my new FAVORITE thing in the whole world. I know what I’ll be using some of my hard earned money on from now on. I’m not a huge “foot fan”, but it makes them feel so pretty! I’ve been looking down at my feet all day!

But wait, there’s more. After the hand and foot treatment, she took us to her salon and let me get some blond highlights in my hair! I was speechless. She said she wants me to feel pretty and confident to start high school, and I think she’s the sweetest mom around. I asked her if Dad would be mad, and she said she already cleared it with him and he was okay with it as long as the change wasn’t too drastic. So all three of us got a wash/trim/blowdry, and I got HIGHLIGHTS!! I can’t believe how it makes my hair look….not that much different really, but soooooo different to me. It just doesn’t look so mousy. I love it.

Ah, you would think that would be plenty, but Mom had another surprise up her sleeve. She finally let me get my ears pierced…..and WOW that hurt! Sophie said, “Oh, it’s no big deal really,” but she’s had hers pierced since she was eight! I could actually feel my earlobes throbbing…..but it was so worth it. They put in a pair of stainless steel ones to start, and showed me how to keep turning them and keep them clean so they don’t get infected. Mom let me pick out one silver pair and one gold pair of studs. She said I could get my own funkier ones later, but not to go too crazy. I feel very girly and yes, pretty….even with the rotten flesh look hidden under the make-up.

Yes, there’s still more. The last stop we made was the beauty department at Walmart, where Mom helped me pick out my first make-up. MAKE-UP. I’ll admit, I was starting to get super-tired, but I wasn’t about to tell her that. I think she could tell, though, because because we didn’t linger over the choices. She said to start with I could wear a light blush and some mascara, so we picked out those, and a flavored lip gloss…..grape, yum! She bought Sophie a couple of things too (that she knew Sophie’s mom would approve of).

It was the best birthday EVER, and I’m glad I got to spend it with my BFF. And Mom’s the best.

Then I came home and slept at least 3 hours! Mom woke me up for dinner, Matt had brought home pizzas and Mom had made homemade ice cream (Reese’s, of course). Mom and Dad let me open one gift tonight, just one, but it was a doozy……my very own cell phone. I just sat there staring at it for a minute with my mouth open, then I jumped up and hugged them both with tears in my eyes. I just couldn’t believe it. There has been no hint of me getting my own phone, and even though you can’t tell it from today, my parents are very strict parents, very conservative. They explained that since I was starting high school and would have all kinds activities and a busy schedule, I definitely needed a cell to call them for rides and schedule changes and stuff. (they also gave me a short lecture on the responsibility of having my own phone….yada yada….you know, the stuff parents are required to say by law) They added me to the family plan, and I have to pay them $10 a month out of my income. My very first BILL! Ooooh, I feel so grown-up. I have a monthly bill to pay! It’s just a fairly plain slide-phone, with no data plan, but it does have a full keyboard and a camera and they got me a hot pink cover for it. I have a pho-one, I have a pho-one. Mom had already charged it and put Sophie’s number in the contact list, so I called her immediately! She already knew about it (Mom was too excited to totally keep it to herself), and she had just been waiting for me to call! Sophie’s parents haven’t let her have a cell yet, so it’s one of the few things she didn’t get before me…..oh yeah, I got mine first…because I am soooo mature, and I can handle the responsibility. I am on my way to ADULT…..oh yeah.

I repeat, BEST BIRTHDAY EVERRRRRRRRRRRRR!

8/4

Only 3 more days till my birthday and 4 till the party. I am sooooo over this being housebound stuff. I am not a very good patient (as Mom keeps reminding me). I hate lying around, I want to be up doing stuff. But I’ll admit it, I just don’t feel like it yet. If I stand for long, I get dizzy and my legs get shaky. If I read for more than 10 minutes, my head starts pounding and my vision goes all blurry and weird. And I’ve been weepy too. Headcase came to see me today (I know, right?? Here in my own home!), and when I saw her I just started crying and couldn’t seem to stop until my eyes were all read and puffy, my skin was blotchy, and I had to blow my nose (very gently….and it still really hurt!). She just sat with me on the couch and put her arm around me (she even made sure I had an afghan around my shoulders to “protect” me from her thoughts, so I could just be sad…that simple kindness made me cry even harder for a while).

Once most of the storm had passed, we sat and talked quietly and she let me babble about whatever I felt like. I talked about the kidnapping and how scared I had been but just wouldn’t let myself feel it at the time. I was so afraid about what was happening, trying not to think about where we were going or what he was probably planning, and that he might kill both of us. I said that I’ve been having nightmares every night, not necessarily reliving that day, but disturbing images and things I can’t remember, I just wake up sweating and my heart beating so hard it feels like it will just jump out of my chest. Last night I woke up with tears on my face and I don’t even know what I was crying about in the dream.

Headcase said that it’s perfectly normal to feel like crying for no reason and to have nightmares after what I’ve been through. She called it “post-traumatic stress” (I’ve heard about that…I know it’s common among soldiers coming home from the Middle East). She said that it should gradually get better and I shouldn’t worry too much about it, that it’s just my mind trying to make sense of the trauma I endured and to work through it. And she reminded me that my brain itself has been injured and that will affect me for a while also. But she said to be sure to tell my parents if it gets worse, not better. I promised I would.

I told her that I didn’t get a chance to give her card to Heather, but that I think it’s a great idea. She said it was okay to call Heather, so I did right then. I’ve decided it’s silly to be embarrassed that I see a therapist when she helps me, and I think she could really help Heather and her mother a lot….maybe even her dad too. That’s what I told Heather on the phone, and I gave her Headcase’s name and phone number. She sounded really grateful for the reference, and said she’d ask her mom about making an appointment. We talked for just a minute more, and agreed we’d talk some more later.

Headcase asked if I thought I needed to come more than once a week for a while, and I said I’d wait and see. She suggested that I keep some paper and a pen next to my bed, and maybe write down some of the dreams right when I wake from them, then we could talk about them during my next session and perhaps figure out what my brain is trying to tell me. I said I’d give it a try. I felt so much better after her visit. I went and gave Mom a big hug and said thanks for calling her, but Mom said she didn’t. She said Headcase saw the news reports and called Mom to ask if she could come over and see me….she thought I’d probably need to talk about it. I’m grateful she cares about me enough to check up on me!

8/5

I’m happy to report that my two black eyes are now smudged with a shade of puke green around the edges….lovely. At least the swelling in my nose has started to go down and I’m getting around easier. I’m still not fit to be seen in public, but I’m hopeful that it will look better (and not so scary) by Saturday. Mom has assured me that with a little make-up (or maybe a lot), we can hide most of the discoloration by then. Meanwhile, the phone has continued to ring off the hook, with people wanting to interview me and I’m sure get all the gory details of my kidnapping and rescue. Mom keeps threatening to just go ahead and get rid of the house phone altogether, but there is still ONE of us in this family who doesn’t have a cell phone and therefore MUST have a means of communication! She just kind of huffs when I remind her of that.

Sophie came over this afternoon to talk about the party plans. I didn’t know it, but she had already called Mom earlier in the week and talked her into ten more guests, and according to Sophie, everybody that’s invited is planning to come….wow. 30 people planning to come to my birthday party makes my mouth go dry. I asked her if I even know all these people, and she just waved her hand in a breezy way and said of course. She and Mom talked about colors and decorations and games and food, and I just sat there only half listening. I’m sure it will be great, as Sophie’s parties always are, but I really wish I hadn’t let her talk me into this…..big parties, lots of people….it’s just not my type of thing, especially looking like a zombie-face! Ugh. You know, I’ll bet Sophie could have a thriving business right now, at 14, as an event planner. That girl sure has a flair for it. But then, Sophie has the personality and the confidence to be successful doing just about anything she puts her energy to. I want to be HER when I grow up.

8/6

Feeling a little better every day, although my face is still looking VERY scary. I practiced with some make-up today, but it was a disaster. Oh, I was able to cover up the purple/black/green/yellow mess, but then I looked like death warmed over (with freckles). I’ll have to let Mom do it on Saturday, I guess.

I’m able to read a little longer now, and I played my flute today (that still kind of gives me a headache, but I can’t totally lose my embouchure!). My head is swimming only a little and my legs aren’t shaky any more. Still having nightmares, but when I wake up they’re just gone like a puff of smoke. So far, I haven’t been able to write anything down.

Jon called this afternoon to see how I’m feeling, I thought that was very sweet. (Cooper called yesterday, but I was taking a nap….rats!) Heather called and we talked for quite a while, mostly comparing aches and pains and recoveries. I think we’re both going to feel a little awkward with each other for a bit, just because the wounds are still so fresh, but there’s also a bond between us that I don’t think will ever be broken, a bond I can’t even explain adequately. What we went through together, that terror, that ordeal…only the two of us can understand. It’s like a secret club with us as the only members. Weird, but very real.

Tomorrow I will be 14 years old. Yay me!

8/3

I know….I said I’d write more later, but I fell asleep and slept all night! Brain injuries really tire a girl out! Well, let’s see. I guess I left off Friday night. Oh, there’s not that much more to tell, but a few weird and fun tidbits. Saturday morning, I could barely move, I was so sore all over. Mom was laughing at the way I was walking, or rather shuffling; she said I looked like a little old lady….very funny, Mom. You try being tossed around the trunk of a car several times and see how you feel…..grumble, grumble, grumble. It seemed like every inch of my body was just one big bruise, plus it kind of felt like my brain had come loose and was just rattling around in my head. Not fun.

Sophie came to see me as soon as they would let her in, and stayed with me until they let me go home. She was all excited because there were a bunch of reporters outside the hospital, just waiting around for news about any of us…..Heather, her mom, JF, and me. I guess our 15 minutes of fame wasn’t quite up yet. She said they were still showing the wreck that morning (of course it was only the evening before). We turned on the news, out of morbid curiosity, just to hear the spin the news people were putting on it (I had to close my eyes after the first time I saw that flipping car). Surprisingly, they had the story mostly right, but they made it sound more dramatic than it really was….how is that even possible??

Around noon, the brain doctor came in to tell me I could go home soon, that everything looked okay. But he wanted to talk to my parents and me about concussions (or as he called it, MTBI…mild traumatic brain injury….much cooler if you ask me). He was very serious about me taking it easy and not jarring my brain for at least 3 weeks, telling me not to play sports or do anything that might get me hit in the head again. I kind of laughed about that, thinking how “sporty” I am, but he wasn’t laughing. He gave my parents a pamphlet telling them all about it, and what kind of weird things I might do or feel for a while. Oh great, now I’ll be even more of a weirdo. Sophie piped up and asked about my birthday party (ever the party girl), and the doctor said it would be fine as long as I don’t try to play any games or sports or even swim at the party…..ooh, what a fun time I’ll have! Stupid Jerry Fowler!!! He has to go and kidnap me and ruin my birthday for me. Thanks a lot, JF. Sigh. My birthday is sooo going to stink.

The doctor said they’d get all the paperwork done and I could go home in about an hour, so Mom and Sophie helped me shower and get dressed. When I saw myself in the mirror I nearly yelped, I totally didn’t look like myself. My nose was all swollen with tape across it, and I had two black eyes (which were also rather bloodshot), and several little cuts on my face. Horrible, just horrible. At least I felt better with clean hair. Once I was dressed and sitting in a chair, who should walk in but Cooper. OH NO….WHO LET HIM IN??? I did NOT want him to see me like this. One of THE most embarrassing moments of my entire life. I’ll give the guy credit though, he covered up the shocked look on his face pretty quick. He actually brought me flowers, a bunch of fresh daisies. Okay, that was really sweet. And he was very attentive and seemed so relieved that I was okay. My heart melted toward him a little more seeing his adorable smile that was just for me. (It only spoiled it a little for me that Cooper said he also stopped in to check on Heather, but she had already left to go home…slightly green around the irises…I didn’t see any flowers for Heather though) Yes, I know. I pretty much gave my heart to Gray. But Gray’s not here, is he? Gray didn’t even respond when I explained myself, did he? Well, phooey on Gray (as Mom would say). Cooper is right here and paying attention to me and flirting with me. Maybe Sophie has been right all along, and I should give Cooper Calloway a chance. We’ll see. I’m still not sure why, but I don’t quite trust my feelings with him….and I definitely feel skittish about touching him. I don’t really want to know what he thinks about me. Not yet. I guess I’m not ready to risk getting hurt again yet. And yeah, let’s get it out there…..Gray will be home very soon and that’s always at the back of my mind. I know that’s stupid, but I still like the guy…..I keep thinking maybe we can make up somehow. I should probably get that fantasy out of my head. I’ll bet he’s totally over me by now. Wow, it’s really dumb to be torn between two guys, and I don’t know if either of them likes me at all….yep, really dumb. Guys are a bad habit…..but they’re so CUTE!

Anyhoooo, Cooper left right before I got to go home, and then Sophie was all over me, being so….Sophie! I don’t know why she wants me to like Cooper so much, but she sure is his biggest fan. He could totally hire her as his PR manager. She went home, promising to keep me updated on gossip and party plans, and that she’d come and see me in a couple of days, after I rested up a little. Dad pulled up to the side door of the hospital so we could avoid the reporters (I got to see them hanging out at the front when we drove by….I was REALLY glad they didn’t notice me! I didn’t want this face on TV!!). But when we got home, there were a few reporters camped out across the street, and they filmed us pulling into our driveway. Thankfully, Dad pulled the car into the garage so I didn’t have to try to cover my hideousness from the press. So then I started typing this saga whenever Mom wasn’t looking, but it made me tired and blurry-eyed and kept my head hurting, so I wasn’t upset when she caught me and made me stop (I was almost done anyway). Sunday I wrote some more (obviously), and today is Monday and I’m still feeling the after-effects. I’m so tired and have taken 2 naps today…I can’t read without getting a headache (like right now), can’t practice my flute…..can only watch a little TV…boring. But the doctor assured me I’d be feeling pretty good by Friday. I hope so. I want to enjoy my birthday at least a little! And shoot, I’m not earning any money this week! But since it’s been over a hundred every day lately, I guess I’ll get over it. I’m getting totally spoiled laying around in the air conditioning though….I wonder if the doc will let me start band camp next week…it’s not like I plan to get whacked in the head with a tuba or something! Rambling brain again…..I’m going to go to bed.